Relationship Missing His Calls And Texting

[Grasshoppa]

I am feeling so sad this morning today marks a week I have not talk to my suffer, I still call or text every other day just to say hello but I get nothing in return.

Late nights before bed is hard for me I miss him more then, and early mornings. I do keep my ringer on just for him but I get nothing. I am just so sad and heart broken but not giving up on him. I just wish I knew how much longer!
So much pain.

 

[Deleted member 38644]

Well what happened? Please feel free to inbox me if you want to vent. I'm willing to help

 

[TheMinsterman]

I suggest you stop texting and calling, I know that is hard but hear me out.

He's isolating, he wants to be alone, he will cut out things that cause him stress and annoyance, right now you're one of those things, the more you push, the more he is going to isolate himself from you. You're constant contact will be irritating him, because by not replying he is giving you a hint that he doesn't want to talk right now, one you really do need to listen to, it is hard but you absolutely must, not just for his sake, but more importantly for your own.

It's killing you texting and getting nothing back and right now, you won't get anything back.

Remember the phrase absence makes the heart feel fonder? You may find that if you back off, give him his space he will eventually come to you, nobody can give you a estimate on when he will be open to talking again, but for your own sake you need to break this cycle as it will drive you mad.

 

[Linzee]

Everytime you feel the urge to talk to him, come here and talk to us instead. If you are in this for the long haul you need to try some tough love on yourself first.

I will be alone yet again tonight. But I have planned to do some reading, call a friend, watch a movie and paint my nails. Pre-occupy yourself so he's not your whole existence. I can hear by your words how much you love and care for him and it won't be in vain if you just love him from a distance whilst he takes some breathing and thinking space.

Stay strong, we're all with you and know how hard it is for supporters. :hug:

 

[TheMinsterman]

Just to add, my advice is from experience, I kept pushing, I kept texting, I kept trying to reignite the contact (We spoke daily for years, it was so odd not to) and it didn't help, she just ignored me more and I just felt absolutely awful every single day because it was all about whether we spoke much and if we did, it was never, ever, enough for me because it wasn't the kind of conversation we used to have.

This constant contact will only hurt you in the long run, you need to stop for yourself, as suggested come on here, vent, let your feelings out, get your support without putting more pressure on him.

I don't want what happened to me to happen to any of you, I've lost somebody who loved me for over a decade to all this, perhaps once she starts to emerge again so might her love but so much water has gone under the bridge that any reunion is incredibly bleak, including on my side as I've honestly had enough. I'd hate to see anybody else end up repeating my mistakes and making things worse for themselves.

 

[Deleted member 38644]

I am actually the same way. I will not respond to messages or calls from the person because I just fall into dissociation. It becomes annoying when a person calls or texts repeatedly pushing you further back from them. There are times I want to be alone and all of this happens out the blue. I constantly drift in and out. I might be loveable on days but there are many days I'm gone be separated from the person because I don't feel like being around you. Sometimes I go weeks and there are some people who go a whole month without talking to their spouse. If you leave that person alone they are going to come back. There are so many of us that wants to be alone out of nowhere because it's seems comforting. if you keep texting/calling him he's going to get mad or maybe block you until he's ready to talk. Im the same way with my friends. I thought I was alone in many ways until I joined this website and found I wasn't alone. I will go out with my friends and they won't hear from me until a month or two down the line. I be completely annoyed by them. when he comes back around please don't be mad at him. It's just one of those days

 

[Newtoptsd]

@Grasshoppa Each sufferer is different in Isolation, I know some supporters on here have said that their sufferer have been glad of the messages when in Isolation even if they feel they can't reply.

It's a case by case basis, you know your sufferer better than us. For me, I try a few days to contact mine, when I get the hint I leave him be and then he reaches out when he feels better. I know it's never really about me, don't get me wrong sometimes I doubt this but then he's isolated a few times now and it's never been about me.

If this is the first period of isolation then I'd be careful about how much you are contacting him, like people have said above it can sometimes cause them to isolate further the more you contact them. If you want to stop contacting maybe put, 'I'm not sure if these messages are something you're happy to receive so for now I will stop sending them for a bit, please reach out when you're ready, I'm always here' or something along those lines? Just so he knows your no contact is not because you don't care. Or maybe send one or two messages a week to let him know you're thinking of him?

When he does come out of Isolation then you can ask what they would prefer when they are struggling?

Hugs to you, you can do this, chin up and focus on you in these periods :hug:

 

[Deleted member 38644]

Just to add, my advice is from experience, I kept pushing, I kept texting, I kept trying to reign...

This is how I lost so many of my friends. I became dissociated and only came around at random and will make so many people mad. I couldn't handle relationships nor communication. My attention span is so short I can talk to you for 3 minutes, or message you a few times and lose interest that fast. it's like a person with PTSD only match from PTSD from my experience. when I login to chat on here I don't be there unless I get a notification. I listen to music and I drift off so easily.

@Grasshoppa Each sufferer is different in Isolation, I know some supporters on he...

Same solution that worked for me

 

[Grasshoppa]

@Grasshoppa Each sufferer is different in Isolation, I know some supporters on he...

Thank you so much for this and I will do. I am just so confused because I did read some like it and some don't but I don't know yet what he like because this is new to me with him. Thank you again I will send that message.

Just to add, my advice is from experience, I kept pushing, I kept texting, I kept trying to reign...

Thank you for your feedback and I understand your point of view on it.

 

[Newtoptsd]

Thank you so much for this and I will do. I am just so confused because I did read some like it and...

I know the first time my SO isolated I was so confused about what I should be doing. Sometimes when he isolates I test the waters and a few days in I send him one single kiss, if he doesn't reply I know he's not ready yet, if he responds with a kiss then I know he's doing better but I still leave him be.

For my own sanity now I choose not to message now, even if I messaged with something he doesn't have to respond to I would be gutted to not get a response. So I just wait it out, and he ALWAYS apologizes when he comes around. He just puts 'I'm sorry I haven't been well' or 'I've had a wobbler but back to it now, sorry'. So think about what's best for you in this period, if messaging and not getting a response is bugging you then don't do it.

But yes as and when he does reach out, when he is in a better place just ask him what works for him when in isolation? Then you'll know for the future :)

 

[Snowflakes]

@Grasshoppa I'm new here so I don't know if I'm permitted to post links to resources or books but what worked for me to ease the pain was learning to "let go". Not the "I don't care anymore" type of letting go but the "if he/she doesn't want to be with me this moment for whatever reason" I will give them that ability type of letting go.

It's not easy and hurts like heck but necessary so that I, so that you, start to heal from our pain.

I don't know if this is right for you at this point, we all think and work differently but, for me, when I learned to let go, the pain seemed easier to deal with.

Take care my friend.

 

[TheMinsterman]

This is how I lost so many of my friends. I became dissociated and only came around at random and...

I think the big thing between me and my ex was, I'd experienced her what I'd call "PTSD Minor" where she was partly symptomatic but it was short and easier to handle and we kept plodding along just fine, but this episode is her "PTSD Major" and that's what's made us come undone, I just had no idea how to handle it and she had no idea really how to communicate her needs to me, it obviously became easier for her to just cut me out and withdraw completely.

Withdrawing for a dew days is always easier to handles weeks/months for a supporter, it's very difficult for both sides of the coin and very hard to find solutions that work for both.