I'm Just Tired Of The Nightmares

[sonicwhite]

it doesn't matter what I do. Move out stop abusing meds or whatever. I've accepted the fact I have PTSD. I know a Christian fella that believes everything is spiritual. So I have to just close off my convos to Him about it cuz he will just preach to me how organic changing will help me.


Benzos no longer work. Steady stream of anxiety. Tired of the feeling of worry after the euphoria has worn off of gabapentin high. So I just take it like I'm supposed to.



This has all led up to me knowing I have PTSD and that I've asked God to take the pain in my most intimate thoughts to him. I seem like I get put on the back burner to roast. Either I wake up drenched in sweat or I'm freeezing. I just don't know anymore what to do. I know there are triggers. Like church and God. But, I just want a life I can enjoy.



I'm tired of all this pain.

 

[Deleted member 40217]

it doesn't matter what I do. Move out stop abusing meds or whatever. I've accepted the fact I have P...

Hang in there Sonicwhite. I too suffer from all of the above. It's way more than organic changing. No one but ptsd sufferers know what goes on within ourselves. The daily battles and nightly nightmares, but we march forward, trying to keep our grasp on reality and the here and now. You are strong! You have made it to this point, keep fighting through this. It's tough but keep that mustard seed in sight. Start by doing a lot of self care. Take it easy on yourself as you learn to process all this. This helped me tremendously. Are you in Therapy? Maybe try a different rounding before bedtime? Strength and good vibes going your way✌

 

[GrayOwl]

I hope things improve over time for you. I know you are trying hard. Change is painfully slow sometimes. I've had to look very deeply inside to find answers and even deeper to find the strength to hang on and make changes (or wait for them to happen).
Part of my problem has been the fact that we live in an instant gratification society, and some changes are just slow in nature. Mine have been. These types often are, sorry to say. My biggest gains have been in the area of acceptance, that has been of much help in greater peace of mind and calmness. I am more accepting that mine is a slow process.
Wish you well.

 

[Intrepid]

The worst reoccurring nightmare I have is when I dream of lying in bed and someone comes in the door. I try to scream but it only comes out as a whimper. I had this dream 2 months ago. Thinking about it right now gives me the willies. But what helped with that nightmare is that my dog heard me and jumped on my bed (where he doesn't belong). I think I felt a little less alone with the nightmare after that.

Earlier this week I had a similar bad dream. It left me all emotionally flooded with shame and fear. But I've been working on this stuff for a while. The trigger was obvious, and yesterday while talking to my therapist I found out how to did-enmesh from that part of me that felt that shame and fear. When I do that I don't need my dog. I can be there for myself.

One more thing. I like to believe that God moved me into the town I'm at where the mental healthcare is good. I know others might have problems with this belief, but it's mine and it doesn't hurt anyone.

 

[cupfish]

it doesn't matter what I do. Move out stop abusing meds or whatever. I've accepted the fact I have P...

The nightmares are tough. Scared all night long. Talk about them, write about them, bore into the underlying emotions. Mine came from, "I need to protect my mother, get us to safety." Soooooo PTSD, right?? Try to distill the nightmares' messages to the very basic emotions they are bringing up in your brain every night. Do you exercise? IT HELPS. Take long walks, exhaust yourself physically, re-oxeygenate your bloodstream, get out of your head during the day. I'm no fitness freak but I have walked in your shoes. xx feeling your sitch

 

[Helping Everyone]

it doesn't matter what I do. Move out stop abusing meds or whatever. I've accepted the fact I have P...

I hear you, I thought it'd go away - symptoms but they don't, it's how u deal with them that's the answer

 

[sonicwhite]

I just moved from Oklahoma to Tennessee and me and my dad are in a continuous battle. I respect him. He ran up a lot of debt because he was going through a manic high. I think the only reason my dad let me stay was to bloodsuck the money I have.


I just got settled in. A new doc and I'm just ready to go back to Oklahoma. For what? Idk? I hate living under this type of stress. My dad makes excuses just like he always has. He just knows I'll be he crap out of him if he lays a hand on me. I was physically abused from seven to seventeen so you can see why I hate it here.