Relationship Girlfriend With Ptsd Dumped Me Because I Accidently Triggered Her

[TheMinsterman]

Wow you're 100% correct. A lot of her decisions in the past she mentioned she does think many sense...

The way to think of it is simply this way.

You make your decisions from a place of security where you feel safe, you have time to make them etc. For her? She lives in chaos, every decision she makes is critical to her immediate survival, she's living day by day just trying to survive. Her choices may seems strange but based on what her reality is, they make perfect sense. If you were afraid for your live/safety you may make very similar choices, to her any inkling you're capable of abuse could be enough for her to cut you adrift for her own safety rather than a reflection you and your actual ability to commit it.

It's incredibly hard, but don't take everything they choose to do personally, it's something that too me so long to learn, I took so much of what my ex did personally that it affected my ability to really listen to her and is likely why we broke up. I had to just learn to try and think from her perspective, why is she doing these things? They make much more sense when I just listen to her and consider her motives than trying to place my own perspective over her, I wouldn't make the same decisions because my lived experience is not the same thing.

 

[Sweet_E]

The way to think of it is simply this way.

You make your decisions from a place of security wher...

Very insightful.

 

[TheMinsterman]

Sorry, it just registered what you said that she jumped into a new relationship. The same thing happene...

It's pure speculation but "I need to be alone" and "I need somebody" can both be true. If she/he see's you as dangerous now, they do need to be alone, from you. But they may also not be able to cope without feeling like somebody has their backs, they may only feel safe in relationships, this new person is still "safe", so to them it's entirely logical. They needed to be alone, from you, but not alone completely.

It hurts you, it is a massive kick to the gut, but to them, again, it can feel logical.

 

[monsterade]

That sounds like a reasonable guess.
Or she may have been on a bipolar upswing and felt like she could h...

You're right, I do feel betrayed, hurt, and angry. Which can sum up why I flipped on her when I found out she had a new boyfriend,.

Sorry, it just registered what you said that she jumped into a new relationship. The same thing happene...

I do feel that she was sincere with it as she self harmed herself because of the stress and panic that was going on. But her being with another guy is just tough to reconcile and she can heal herself the way she needs to.

I'm going to try and let things go...

 

[monsterade]

That sounds like a reasonable guess.
Or she may have been on a bipolar upswing and felt like she could h...

You're right, I do feel betrayed, hurt, and angry. Which can sum up why I flipped on her when I found out she had a new boyfriend,.

Sorry, it just registered what you said that she jumped into a new relationship. The same thing happene...

I do feel that she was sincere with it as she self harmed herself because of the stress and panic that was going on. But her being with another guy is just tough to reconcile and I guest I must honor that.

 

[monsterade]

It's pure speculation but "I need to be alone" and "I need somebody" can both be true. If she/he...

I can definitely believe that to be true, and it's a good hypothesis. She have felt fearful of me and my actions and needing to be validated and felt safe from someone she does not know much about can make her feel better.

I guess I'll honor that. That said, I feel really bad I flipped on her for finding out, but I did it out of feelings of betrayal, anger, and being so hurt. This also stems from the lack of logic argument you mentioned earlier...

 

[TheMinsterman]

I can definitely believe that to be true, and it's a good hypothesis. She have felt fearful of me an...

It's not so much lack of logic, but logic from a different place to ours. Everything they do is very much logical from their world view and makes perfect sense, you have to be careful not to suggest they're illogical, as they're not, it's just their sense of self and the world around them isn't the same as ours, because of the trauma.

 

[grimalkin]

Logic, sadly, has nothing to do with it. My sufferer said ending things with me was his "pure logic" taking over, but couldn't answer how going from "I love you and want you in my life, no matter what, and I can forgive you anything" (opening up entirely to being vulnerable, which is sometimes the biggest "danger" of all) to "That misunderstanding was unforgivable, and you have said and done things that are awful!" in the space of a week, was logical.

What HAD happened was my dad (whom he loved) had gotten sick, and died just a few days later. The holidays happened (stress!), and his son couldn't come because of my having to go home to my family...it was all stress, and I'm sure to him, it was perfectly logical. But it was his stress cup spilling over, and my being the closest to him, thus the most dangerous, and I had to go.

So I'm going because trying to convince him otherwise will not only not work, it will actually probably harm him more right now, while he's trying desperately to not flee or fight. There is literally nothing we can say or do to "fix" anything, and it's hard, but essential, to remember that.

 

[monsterade]

It's not so much lack of logic, but logic from a different place to ours. Everything they do is v...

Apologies for that. I meant to reference your comment that they're rational and logic decision making is different than mine, for your explanation that it's because of the trauma.

 

[monsterade]

Logic, sadly, has nothing to do with it. My sufferer said ending things with me was his "pure logic"...

Wow, that's incredibly difficult. I'm truly sorry for that...and I hope you are recovering yourself too.

I guess I'll have to accept that I cannot be in her life right now, and maybe, just maybe she will reach out to me in the future to rekindle things and maybe try again. I doubt that though as she's really young, inexperienced, and really traumatized by everything that has happened to her in the past and what I've done.

I will have to accept that and move on with her life, and have her honor her decision, which I will too, even though it doesn't make sense in my eyes but does to her. Thank you for your insight on your own relationship.

 

[monsterade]

Apologies for that. I meant to reference your comment that they're rational and logic decision makin...

*their

 

[monsterade]

Logic, sadly, has nothing to do with it. My sufferer said ending things with me was his "pure logic"...

It's not so much lack of logic, but logic from a different place to ours. Everything they do is v...

Sorry, it just registered what you said that she jumped into a new relationship. The same thing happene...

I ended up mailing a letter to her last Tuesday, and it arrived within a day or two.

Pretty much all I said was I'm not asking for a reply at all, don't expect one, I know we can't be together, I'm not trying to win you back and I accept that we can't be together. I said here's what I felt like what I did was wrong, here's what I learned from looking at PTSD insights from this forum and online, what I learned about my own struggles and mistakes and I aplogize and our relationship, thank you for your time and I learned a lot, I'maybe there will be a time where you may want to talk and start over, but that's up to her and I don't expect it, ask for it, nor am waiting on it. I love you and good luck in life if I don't hear from you, tell your family I said thank you and that was it. I admitted my faults, put my ego aside, tried to be the better person and let this go and apologized for my triggering and cursing her out.

Pretty sure she publicized her ranting about it on her instagram account saying I was trying to run back to her and win her back, which I verbatim said "I am not trying to win you back." Unless she was talking about one of the two guys she was with AFTER she dumped me.I've been avoiding looking at her social media altogether as I know she's posting a lot, potentially with new guys (new ones to the 2 guys she was with ALREADY since we broke up).

She is still looking at everything on my social media to I guess check up on me. I'm definitely a lot better, I can sleep better, I'm not talking to her as much nor not crying, but I'm still emotionally hurting and heartbroken and I'm trying to meet new women but having no luck, leads, and doesn't feel the same as I'm unconsciously comparing them. It doesn't feel good to see her on love and dating apps, where I met her. It's hard to think I can develop something just as good with her, but I'm hopeful.

All in all, I'm doing a lot better. I'm not looking at her social media anymore. Nothing about her is my business. The less I know, the better - ignorance is bliss and I know I can't be hurt anymore. However, I'm still emotionally and heartbroken and still feel for her and yearn for her as she was my first, true love and girlfriend of very strong feelings and commitment.