I attend a group for adult children of alcoholics. I am almost 60 and worked through the issues surrounded by being an Adult Child of Alcoholic many years ago, and for that -life was much better. I had not been diagnosed with ptsd at that time.Then it spiraled downward about 10 yrs ago. Soon I was diagnosed with ptsd from a current trauma, but now I am trying to understand that I had ptsd from childhood. Even though I attend the group regularly, I must be somewhat disconnected from my past.
Tonight at group, another member was questioning the parts of herself that is a perfectionist and self criticizing and fear of failure. Members shared how much criticism they received as children and even still from family. Then on member started talking about the effects, etc. of the unstable environment. I flashed back to a time (childhood) in which I related or connected with what was being said, a time when it didn't even take a lot of criticism....nor words...to feel unwanted and unloved.
A typical and general scenerio-As a toddler, asking my mother for something, like food, and her being to wrapped up in her life to deal with it, and telling me to go to a sister who was 11 yrs older, who told me to go to another sister, she was busy, then the other sister telling me to go away...The basic message...go away...dont bother me...Im busy...get lost...sure there were some mean words and criticism, but a big sense of not being wanted and being too much trouble...Basic needs often not met.
I also remembered that all my sisters eventually moved out and living alone with my alcoholic mother around age 7 or 8, and my not going out to play in an attempt to control her drinking. I can remember being afraid and some things that could sure be traumatizing yet I feel like I must have had a guardian
angel since more bad things did not happen to me.
Due to events in past 10 yrs, I have lost the confidence and esteem that I had prior, yet it seems that current circumstances ignited past experiences causing full blown ptsd, and over these years has led to serious hopelessness.
The Adult Child of Alcoholic and PTSD issues seem inseparable. I am wondering what others experience is an if and how they separate them? Does neglect cause ptsd? I often feel that my experiences were not bad enough to cause ptsd.
Tonight at group, another member was questioning the parts of herself that is a perfectionist and self criticizing and fear of failure. Members shared how much criticism they received as children and even still from family. Then on member started talking about the effects, etc. of the unstable environment. I flashed back to a time (childhood) in which I related or connected with what was being said, a time when it didn't even take a lot of criticism....nor words...to feel unwanted and unloved.
A typical and general scenerio-As a toddler, asking my mother for something, like food, and her being to wrapped up in her life to deal with it, and telling me to go to a sister who was 11 yrs older, who told me to go to another sister, she was busy, then the other sister telling me to go away...The basic message...go away...dont bother me...Im busy...get lost...sure there were some mean words and criticism, but a big sense of not being wanted and being too much trouble...Basic needs often not met.
I also remembered that all my sisters eventually moved out and living alone with my alcoholic mother around age 7 or 8, and my not going out to play in an attempt to control her drinking. I can remember being afraid and some things that could sure be traumatizing yet I feel like I must have had a guardian
angel since more bad things did not happen to me.
Due to events in past 10 yrs, I have lost the confidence and esteem that I had prior, yet it seems that current circumstances ignited past experiences causing full blown ptsd, and over these years has led to serious hopelessness.
The Adult Child of Alcoholic and PTSD issues seem inseparable. I am wondering what others experience is an if and how they separate them? Does neglect cause ptsd? I often feel that my experiences were not bad enough to cause ptsd.