Relationship Finally Heard From Him And Its Scaring Me

[Esterio]

Thanks @Esterio. It is hard to encourage without pushing, even harder when he stops re...

You know him well then. Worry about his ptsd being pushed not him. I do not do very well when pushed anymore. I worked under pressure all my life until I broke down. That is me and were I am at. Be careful and I will be sending positive thoughts your way for a good out come. Best of luck.

 

[Glara]

I know him a very long time. I wouldn't say I know him well. He doesn't open up easily. I was 19 when I met him, 20 when we started dating. We are in our 50s. We were long distance then too, so we didn't have a commitment. But we talked on the phone and even wrote letters and got together when we could. I guess it was casual, but we really liked each other. He had his issues back then too, but he wasn't diagnosed until his late 40s. Anyway, when we reconnected it felt the same as when we were young. And that was about 10 years ago, so there's a history.

 

[Esterio]

I know him a very long time. I wouldn't say I know him well. He doesn't open up easily. I was 19 when I m...

I think that having PTSD means you now have another side or more. One or more that you can not make any sense out of on your own anymore. It got worse for me over the course of a year or so. I started to not trust anyone and with drew from my life. I started to isolate first I would sit out in the wood shed Then I went to a closet. My wife would come looking for me as my trucks were all home. She was worried she was the first one that I ever opened up to. She was responsible for me getting into therapy. It was after starting therapy I think that I started to Isolate. My wife would come and find me and always had the same question. Totally valid question How was your day today? How could I tell the person that thought I was a rock, strong, well adjusted person and good provider. That my day was spent in hell. Every day she came home with that question. I started to go further to Isolate to the back of our ranch, then up the river and then I packed up my stuff and left one day never to go back. I left everything I love and that loved me behind. That was 17 years ago. I started back to therapy again this year. It is not going good. In fact I think it is over again until I can find another T to work with me that has the time it is going to take.
There is a little history of me. It is the Ptsd not him. I guess I am not real encouraging but that is what happen to me I can not sugar coat anything. I hope your's and your suffers story end better than mine has. I guess it still has not ended. I suffer from cPTSD all of my trauma's happened over 17 years and ended when I was 22 years old and I finally had had enough. I am 62 now.

 

[Glara]

So just an update. I kind of wish I hadn't told him I'd be in town. He's hasn't mentioned the hospital, and he's talking sexy and excited for me to visit. Of course this makes me happy and I hope it means he's ok for now, but I'm still concerned. After no contact for 2 months and saying he's thinking of checking in to a hospital, it's a complete turn around. I don't know if that can be good. I want to enjoy the moment but I can't help but worry. Should I be worried?

 

[Deadman]

It depends. If you are happy with a booty call you should be fine. If you expect it to last past that you may be disappointed. I hope I'm wrong though.

 

[Glara]

@Esterio would it have changed anything if you told your hell? My sufferer is also CPTSD, from childhood. He was previously married as well. I think he had symptoms of it when we young but want diagnosed. I think he likes the way things are now with me because of the distance. I'm independent, I have a good job and live far away. I know he won't get better. If I want him in my life I have to take it day to day. It works for me right now.

 

[Glara]

It depends. If you are happy with a booty call you should be fine. If you expect it to last past that y...

No, that sounds about right. My concern is for his overall health I don't want a booty call to interfere with a potentially life saving hospitalization .

 

[Deadman]

How about negotiating for a booty call and hospitalization? Not an either/or but an 'I want both'.

 

[Glara]

He can't have a booty call in the hospital. I haven't brought it up in a few days. I don't want to let it go but I don't want to push either. And as for the booty call, I hope it actually happens. Last time it didn't. He took me out all day and then dropped me off at my friend's. He talks a lot but can't always follow through.

 

[Deadman]

Not IN the hospital :laugh:

He talks a lot but can't always follow through.

Yeah, I get that. PTSD makes intimacy very difficult. For me the closer I felt to someone the scarier it was. I pushed away the people I knew really loved me. It made sense at the time. Not so much now.

 

[Esterio]

So just an update. I kind of wish I hadn't told him I'd be in town. He's hasn't mentioned the hospital, a...

I think I would enjoy the moment and then see if you can help him get there. By enjoying the moment it my Rub off and make him feel better. I don't think It could hurt. I will keep you on my mind and send to you wishes for a good out come. best of luck I hope things work out.
Peace be safe

 

[Buttercup]

@Glara I really, really, REALLY hope the booty call happens. You deserve it!! And I also hope he is doing much better!