Impact Of Future Trauma Starts Early, At Home?

[MisterCatLady]

No one apologize! I like the direction the thread has taken.

 

[ladee]

Thanks @MisterCatLady, Like @Llith, I've never had a 'before'. And so many questions.. If it was a good childhood, in the sense of good parents, support, ect.. but there was CSA, and they didn't tell or didn't know to tell, and it surfaces because of another trauma, to be hit with double trauma, I totally understand why some have so many issues trying to get healthy.... I would look up and think my whole life had been a lie.... I don't know if I could survive that. But we do have many here that that is what happened. I would love to hear from them...
And how do they feel knowing so many of us have never had a 'before'.. ? I feel if we understood each other better we could be a lot more supportive than we are... makes me wonder when I say, "I never had a before', do they feel minimized or invalidated? Or when they say they want their old life back and we know that's never going to happen....what do we say to that, that isn't patronizing?

There was a young lady on here awhile back that had had a bad car accident that left a bad scar on her face that couldn't be fixed. I know we tried to show compassion and give her support , to do the things we do to get better... but we were not saying the right things to her. Nothing got thru.. and that happens sometimes when someone is not ready to hear it... but I know we came across somewhat jaded to the fact she had a scar... it seemed almost petty to me... isn't that sad.... trauma is trauma.

In my PTSD brain... I would think, wish I had a scar, at least there would be 'proof' something happened. Ahh I'm rambling... I do hope others with late onset PTSD or it being brought on by a here and now trauma, would weigh in...

 

[Gamera3000]

Well, see when I had subsequent traumatic experiences, I always just carried on in what I thought was a normal fashion but was actually not helpful for me. Way later on I read about what one is supposed to do to get help after trauma and those things just never occurred to me. Like, to let people help you, get into therapy, give yourself time to process it, etc. Those things seem simple but they never crossed my mind. If I'd had a normal childhood, maybe I still would have had PTSD, but maybe not- maybe I would have gotten help right away and found a different way to deal with things.

 

[MisterCatLady]

I'm not entirely sure when my PTSD started exactly. I know I became chronically depressed after my first CSA encounter when I was 9 and I started self harming at 10 but I don't remember my panic attacks and flashbacks happening until I was a teenager, when my dad started abusing me. Side thought: I should ask my therapist when she thinks that started. So I had a "before" but it wasn't real. My life was just a ticking time bomb waiting to start exploding every day.

 

[Health heal explore]

Such an interesting thread!!
I think that growing up with loving, attentive, self aware parents/ loved ones has a massive affect on your ability to cope. It has for me, I think, at least. I was sexually abused by a family friend, in quite extreme ways, from the age of 2 until 6. It mucked my brain up, a lot! It split my personality and consequently I have been raped and sexually assaulted on a number of occasions since. I'm accepting of it all enough to say that I have been through significant trauma.
There were so many decisions, subconsciously, that I made, that put myself in danger. Risk taking, drug taking, partying, being Miss independent and doing everything solo. But there was, at times, an annoying, overriding voice of reason, that would save me from going completely overboard (You might think of it as intuition, but I was so far removed from mine back then, that it wasn't that.) The same voice kept me surrounded with good people and always held on to a small piece of respect for myself. I think that voice of reason, was imprinted by my parents, family and friends. I was speaking to them about this yesterday and I said if i didn't have you guys, I wouldn't be here. Knowing that there are people who love, care and support me, has given me a reason to be alive and stay sane. I know it's not ideal to be doing these things for other people, but if I didn't have them I would have gotten completely lost and I know for certain, wouldn't be alive. I used to resent people for the obligation I felt towards them. But now I realise, I needed it because I felt no obligation to myself. I can't imagine the struggle people without unconditional love and support go through. That's why I love this set up is so much!! It gives people with support, the opportunity to share it.

 

[anonymous]

I suffered from childhood trauma. I experienced SA from ages 3-5.

I adore my family and in some ways, minus the trauma, my childhood was idyllic.. I was always loved, I always felt wanted, in my family of four - me, my big brother, and my parents. We spent time together, time apart, argued, and made up. We had lovely holidays throughout my childhood and teenage years.

As a teenager, I developed depression and PTSD related to my childhood abuse. I did make it through high school, with help and encouragement from my supportive family, and I finished college. I made a success of my chosen career.

But at the age of 24 I developed debilitating PTSD and was dangerously close to death on many occasions. School fell apart, work fell apart, I stopped communicating with friends and family. I was afraid to leave my apartment, and I eventually stopped doing so. Having grown up within a supportive and loving family did not prevent this illness of mine. The roots planted as a toddler stuck there in my head. The support and love did not make a difference, I developed PTSD all the same.

It seems I am somewhat of an anomaly.

I think I suck, I'm horrible, and I hate myself - that I had so much, was lucky in some ways, but I died inside anyway.

 

[anonymous]

Such an interesting thread!!
I think that growing up with loving, attentive, self aware pa...

The same voice kept me surrounded with good people and always held on to a small piece of respect for myself. I think that voice of reason, was imprinted by my parents, family and friends. I was speaking to them about this yesterday and I said if i didn't have you guys, I wouldn't be here.

I like this as a good counterpoint to my bitter comment above.

 

[Health heal explore]

I like this as a good counterpoint to my bitter comment above.

I don't think it's bitter!! I think maybe we have different definitions of what coping is!!
To me, coping is just being able to stay happy and positive and see where I'm progressing etc.. I still struggle with pretty much everything. Can't sleep, can't study, cant work, can't concentrate, can't trust, stay focused, I'm so overtly aware of men's attention and can't stay motivated for more than 5 minutes.. my brain jumps all over the place.. but if I let all that get to me I wouldn't be able to stay somewhat happy. It still sucks, but beating myself up about it only makes it worse. Once I started accepting and taking responsibility for all the unhealthy things about myself, whether brought on by others or not. That was the start of being able to make progress towards getting better. I'm so so so far off, I'm literally at the start of that process still. But the process of healing, kind of, makes more sense now and I feel like I'm on the right track.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

Agree with @Health heal explore that this is an intriguing thread and thank you @MisterCatLady for posing the question. The book I'm currently reading asserts that emotional/physical/sexual abusive childhoods causes Complex PTSD "a more sever form of PTSD...delineated...by five of its most common and troublesome features: emotional flashbacks, toxic shame, self-abandonment, a vicious inner critic and social anxiety. I suffer from all of these. I ALSO seem to have the standard trauma syndrome caused from a later in life violent crime (home invasion) as I experience and am triggered by intrusive images and dreams, or perceived threats (also gunshots/helicopters etc) (thanks again @Esterio .). It's such a tangle at times to figure out whats going on with me from moment to moment...

Not sure if this contributes to the conversation at all, I think I just confused myself. Ha!!

 

[Klo]

Yes, chronic stress in infancy and throughout early childhood raises cortisol levels in the brain, which is very toxic for certain parts of the brain, especially a very young and developing brain. In particular is causes the cells in the hippocampus to die, often resulting in an abnormal and underdeveloped hippocampus that makes the person much more vulnerable to developing full-blown PTSD in the future. Other areas of the brain which are significantly impacted include the amygdala, corpus callosum and cerebellar vermis, among others. Studies carried by researchers in the Dana Foundation have also found that even children who experienced psychological/emotional abuse only often have deficits in the left brain hemisphere of up to 400% compared to a normal brain, and while logistically the left hemisphere does play a major role in emotions and memory, the left hemispheres connections to and interactions with emotional and memory areas of the brain are extremely significant, which furthermore explains why the left hemisphere deficits and damaged connections increase vulnerability to PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

@Klo That was certainly a definitive answer! Thank you.

 

[Klo]

@Kilo That was certainly a definitive answer! Thank you.

If it would help you with any validation or processing or the like, this is a pretty decent summary article of some of the foundation's research a while back. It is lengthy but succinct in its presentation of information. The research has advanced well beyond these findings by now, but this is one of the best articles I have ever come across as far as summarizing a lot of info altogether in an organized manner.

Wounds That Time Won’t Heal: The Neurobiology of Child Abuse

The same researcher participated in a later study found here:

Childhood maltreatment is associated with reduced volume in the hippocampal subfields CA3, dentate gyrus, and subiculum

Which prompted this article:

How Child Abuse Primes the Brain for Future Mental Illness | TIME.com