So tired.

[so tired]

I am feeling tired. Of everything. No-one seems to understand.
The ache, the pain I feel inside.
I just get asked to stop thinking this way, to challenge my thoughts. That I am not a burden. Then I feel a burden for ever saying anything.
I am sorry I am this way. I am sorry I am a broken dark cloud in everyone's life. I wish I was better. I wish I was happy. I will I was bubbly. I wish I was courageous and more productive.
I am sorry I have wasted so much time in this dark cloud.
I cannot change anything anymore.
I have tried, but I am not meant to be understood or loved.
I wish I were invisible and just go away. So far away.
I am just tired.

 

[rosey]

I complete get how you feel. tired just isnt a big enough word

 

[sotired]

Thank you.

It's just hard to explain to people who are "normal" and don't go through this pain.
I feel like an alien on earth.

No-one seems to understand. Not even my therapist or husband. I don't choose to feel this way. Why can't no-one understand

 

[The Albatross]

People here can understand that it's not a conscious choice. So I'd nix the "why can't no one understand" thing.

What are or have you tried to arrest your depressive cycling?

 

[ladee]

For someone to truly understand something, they have to have experienced it... that is why WE understand.... and it's ok to be tired.... we do get very very tired on this healing journey.... but I am glad you posted... and didn't go away... so that you could be told to talk to us, we do understand, and you are not alone.... and this is one hard ride.... glad you are here.

 

[Fayne Jane]

Do you have a Trauma Specialist or a therapist trained in EMDR? Regular talk therapy didn't work for me I am with a Trauma Specialist and doing EMDR. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever done and I have found solace here as I know others understand in a way my friends can't.

 

[blackandwhite2017]

I completely understand what you are feeling...the exhaustion and hopelessness...from trying so hard to get out of the mess but nothing seems to work, from trying so hard to act normal and connect with other people but unable to trust them and be understood because we have so different lives, from trying so hard to convince ourselves to stay positive but knowing deep inside that we are running out of strength, from trying so hard to fulfill all of our daily responsibilities but not enjoying any of it...

But I trust that life will get better, I would rather suffer than admit complete defeat.

 

[Tinyflame]

@HelloWorld314 defines much of it well in the first paragraph.

 

[cupfish]

It's so damned lonely to be like this. Coping, not living. Managing not participating. Worrying constantly, fear welling up inside, nowhere to turn. You can't tell other people about this, they'll lock you up.

 

[ladee]

@cupfish, you can tell us, we will understand, and let you know we fee the same.

 

[cupfish]

Thank you. You know I need help too and that is so reassuring.

 

[Phoenixx]

I am feeling tired. Of everything. No-one seems to understand.
The ache, the pain I feel inside.
I just get asked to...

I'm feeling this way too. I feel like giving up