Sexual Assault My therapist said something that hurt me

[Scared1996]

My therapist said I was taken advantage of sexually after I explained some of what happened to her today. She asked me questions and then asked "Do you feel guilty because you may have wanted to become physical with her?" Which just floored me. And made me even more upset. She is a very kind therapist I've only seen her 3 times now, she did say she was sorry that she had to ask. I said "no" to her question. I'm just really in shock and I felt so depressed after the session, for her wanting me to talk about what happened and that she said that. Should I confront her? I don't know what to do.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

My therapist has triggered me with the word "responsibility" on a couple of occasions. They have these words that can even make you leave and blame yourself or them. i am finding that it is how my brain is responding to it, and later it all makes sense after processing for a few days, but in the mean time it really hurts. Real bad.

 

[Scared1996]

I'm so confused. Should I leave my therapist or should I stick through it it's only been a few appointments but I feel worse every time I come out. She says in 6 months I'll feel completely different but right now I just want to die.

 

[ladee]

If she has only seen you three times, she simply asked a question, she did not say this is what you did or how you were feeling. she asked a question...and yes, talk to her about it...don't know that confrontation is called for... after all it was only a question....

 

[Justmehere]

"Do you feel guilty because you may have wanted to become physical with her?" Which just floored me. And made me even more upset.

Its a little weird she thought a victim might have 'wanted it' and would feel guilty about being taken advantage of sexually.

Without knowing greater context of how this questions came up, I can think of legit times where a therapist might ask about this as they try to sort out what client feels and why.

Should I confront her? I don't know what to do.

Confront? No. Talk with her? Yes. Do tell her how the question made you feel. It's the only way for her to know. I'd also ask her why she asked that question.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I'm so confused. Should I leave my therapist or should I stick through it it's only been a few appointments but I f...

I wouldn't leave. It takes time to establish trust. I was convinced on my second visit that my therapist blamed me for the rape... I brought it up the next visit and she very clearly stated to me that that is not the case and reminded me of the definitions of rape that she gave me the week before. The mind can do some strange transference/distortions sometimes.

 

[Friday]

"Do you feel guilty because you may have wanted to become physical with her?"

That's something that is super common with a lot of rape victims, especially date-rape, acquaintance-rape, status-rape (think teacher/student, doctor/patient, or quarterback/wallflower), & a few others. Including not-rape but sexual impropriety .

It can be a really difficult concept when there was initial attraction, or even initial consent, and then things go very badly. People feel guilty and blame themselves for all kinds of reasons. It doesn't mean they are guilty. If the question alone shocked & horrified you so badly you're thinking of leaving therapy over it? Can you imagine for all those men & women for whom the answer isn't "No!" But "Yeah. That guts me, how much I liked them/ wanted them/ was attracted to them/ etc." As disgusted as you felt being asked that question? If the answer had been "Yes" but she hadn't asked? It would be living with feeling that disgusted all the time.

Therapists aren't mind readers. Even the best therapist in the world is going to be asking you questions that don't apply or the answer is "Nope.That's totally not me!." No way to know from what you wrote if you've got a brilliant, great, okay, mediocre, or terrible therapist.

 

[Suzetig]

I'm so confused. Should I leave my therapist or should I stick through it it's only been a few appointments but I feel worse every time I come out

It depends on why you're feeling worse. If you feel worse because you're more aware of what happened to you and the emotions attached to that then I'd keep on going - that's just part of the process. If you're feeling worse because your therapist is inappropriate, disrespectful or confrontational then I'd think about finding someone else.

Therapy is the one place where personality and fit really do matter - if you don't click with her I'd suggest finding someone who's on your wavelength. In saying that, I can see where it would be entirely the right thing to ask about the possibility of attraction or having wanted some level of sexual interaction with an abuser. It's not unusual at all for there to have been prior attraction to someone who goes on to rape, or for the victim to experience some level of sexual pleasure during an assault leaving them feeling very confused and guilty. So she's asking reasonable questions maybe a bit too quickly and it would be good for you to talk to her about how you're feeling.