alilkatiekatt
New Here
Hi, my name is Katie. I guess I don’t really have such a “caring and supportive” family. I guess I will try to share my story a bit. It’s hard for me to talk about things, and I don’t really think I’ve shared my full story with anyone yet.
I was adopted from Korea when I was about 6-7 months. I was very fortunate to be able to become part of such a loving and caring family. I’ve been diagnosed with some sort of attachment disorder thing from being adopted. My dad got prostate cancer and become very ill and soon passed away and earned his wings. He was on hospice care and I never left his side. It was hard to process, I’m still sort of in shock. My dad was everything to my mom, they were high school lovers. My mom didn’t know how to cope and turned to drugs and alcohol. She got arrested for DUI and possession of drugs. She wasn’t in jail for very long. My aunt, who was also abusive, was not as bad as my mom, was in charge of taking care of me. At first, the abuse wasn’t too bad. The abuse started getting worse and she started to take her anger out on me and others who did not deserve the abuse. She got diagnosed with Schizophrenia. She started dating another drug addict, who was not good and eventually ended up raping me. I tried telling my mom, but she laughed and said why am I being so silly. My body is not very strong and it’s hard to fight, and her bf knew that. So he took advantage of it.
I was diagnosed with cancer about 4 years ago. At first, the cancer was treatable. I went through chemotherapy and radiation, but none of seemed to be shrinking or getting rid of the tumor. It then metastasized. Things just went downhill from there. My heart began to fail from the chemo and surgeries. While we were searching for more options, I was sent home and was receiving palliative care to help manage my pain and whatever else, so I didn’t have to be at the hospital all the time. I tried some natural remedies while waiting to hear back from other hospitals and clinical trials. I went back for some scans to send updated results to the hospitals and clinical trials, and the one tumor was miraculously gone, and the primary tumor has shrunk quite a bit. I guess God did answer our prayers. My heart seemed to be stronger, we were all sort of shocked, but okay with it! We were so grateful.
I was just about to be 18 months cancer free. I started having seizures and my vision became abnormal, it was becoming hard to see, so when I went in for my scans, they found a mass, the cancer had returned. This time it was worse. My body’s gotten “immune” to different types of chemo and immune to medications for pain, anxiety, anti-nausea meds, etc. It was hard to manage my pain. I needed surgery, but anesthesia is hard on hearts, and mine was already pretty weak. This is when my mom started turning to drugs and alcohol as a coping skill. My neighbors called the cops one night because of the screaming and yelling coming from our house, and the cops were able to catch her in action and arrested her on the spot. She wanted her boyfriend to “get rid of me” so I couldn’t testify against her in court. And that led to some things that I’m not very comfortable with talking about quite yet. My aunt was my legal guardian again, and still is. She’s not around often, so one of my really good friends mostly takes care of me. My health has declined since then, and my heart has gotten more weak. I was in a coma, and when I came out of it, I still had a really hard time breathing, so they put me back under. I’m on the transplant list and just praying for a miracle and trying not to loose hope. I guess you can call me a cat because I think I truly do have 9 lives. I’m alilkatiekatt haha. I have a fear of death, but I also struggle with suicidal thoughts..which kind of doesn’t make sense to me.
It’s still an everyday struggle with PTSD and having cancer. It’s hard to stay positive and to keep on fighting. This is most of my story, but some things that I’ve been through, I’m still processing and don’t feel comfortable sharing yet. I haven’t really talked to any of you guys, but I’m so grateful to have HeartSupport and all of you. I have gotten better about talking about my emotions in the moment, talking about my trauma, and stopping myself from going into a panic attack or flashback. It’s a slow process, but I’m happy to say that mentally, I’m getting a little better everyday. I’m feeling pretty hopeful and don’t want to give up as much. I feel less alone, and that helps me a lot, because I can turn to people when I’m feeling down or alone. I have a good feeling that things should only go uphill from here on out. Thank you.
I was adopted from Korea when I was about 6-7 months. I was very fortunate to be able to become part of such a loving and caring family. I’ve been diagnosed with some sort of attachment disorder thing from being adopted. My dad got prostate cancer and become very ill and soon passed away and earned his wings. He was on hospice care and I never left his side. It was hard to process, I’m still sort of in shock. My dad was everything to my mom, they were high school lovers. My mom didn’t know how to cope and turned to drugs and alcohol. She got arrested for DUI and possession of drugs. She wasn’t in jail for very long. My aunt, who was also abusive, was not as bad as my mom, was in charge of taking care of me. At first, the abuse wasn’t too bad. The abuse started getting worse and she started to take her anger out on me and others who did not deserve the abuse. She got diagnosed with Schizophrenia. She started dating another drug addict, who was not good and eventually ended up raping me. I tried telling my mom, but she laughed and said why am I being so silly. My body is not very strong and it’s hard to fight, and her bf knew that. So he took advantage of it.
I was diagnosed with cancer about 4 years ago. At first, the cancer was treatable. I went through chemotherapy and radiation, but none of seemed to be shrinking or getting rid of the tumor. It then metastasized. Things just went downhill from there. My heart began to fail from the chemo and surgeries. While we were searching for more options, I was sent home and was receiving palliative care to help manage my pain and whatever else, so I didn’t have to be at the hospital all the time. I tried some natural remedies while waiting to hear back from other hospitals and clinical trials. I went back for some scans to send updated results to the hospitals and clinical trials, and the one tumor was miraculously gone, and the primary tumor has shrunk quite a bit. I guess God did answer our prayers. My heart seemed to be stronger, we were all sort of shocked, but okay with it! We were so grateful.
I was just about to be 18 months cancer free. I started having seizures and my vision became abnormal, it was becoming hard to see, so when I went in for my scans, they found a mass, the cancer had returned. This time it was worse. My body’s gotten “immune” to different types of chemo and immune to medications for pain, anxiety, anti-nausea meds, etc. It was hard to manage my pain. I needed surgery, but anesthesia is hard on hearts, and mine was already pretty weak. This is when my mom started turning to drugs and alcohol as a coping skill. My neighbors called the cops one night because of the screaming and yelling coming from our house, and the cops were able to catch her in action and arrested her on the spot. She wanted her boyfriend to “get rid of me” so I couldn’t testify against her in court. And that led to some things that I’m not very comfortable with talking about quite yet. My aunt was my legal guardian again, and still is. She’s not around often, so one of my really good friends mostly takes care of me. My health has declined since then, and my heart has gotten more weak. I was in a coma, and when I came out of it, I still had a really hard time breathing, so they put me back under. I’m on the transplant list and just praying for a miracle and trying not to loose hope. I guess you can call me a cat because I think I truly do have 9 lives. I’m alilkatiekatt haha. I have a fear of death, but I also struggle with suicidal thoughts..which kind of doesn’t make sense to me.
It’s still an everyday struggle with PTSD and having cancer. It’s hard to stay positive and to keep on fighting. This is most of my story, but some things that I’ve been through, I’m still processing and don’t feel comfortable sharing yet. I haven’t really talked to any of you guys, but I’m so grateful to have HeartSupport and all of you. I have gotten better about talking about my emotions in the moment, talking about my trauma, and stopping myself from going into a panic attack or flashback. It’s a slow process, but I’m happy to say that mentally, I’m getting a little better everyday. I’m feeling pretty hopeful and don’t want to give up as much. I feel less alone, and that helps me a lot, because I can turn to people when I’m feeling down or alone. I have a good feeling that things should only go uphill from here on out. Thank you.
