AlshaSoDak
Bronze Member
Does anyone else deal with their suffering SO going on/off meds?
In our year long relationship he has gone on and off meds a handful of times. Some with medication changes, some just because..well, I'm honestly not sure why. He sees his doc monthly with extra for med revaluations.. I'm not sure if he tells her when he randomly decides to go off or not.
Regardless, I can't be the only human who feels like a total a-hole in wondering whether I struggle more while he's on the medication or not.
When he is off, he hits the lows hard. And I empathize with him, I truly do. It hurts me when he hurts, it makes me sad too. But he still listens to me, processes my feelings, even though his may not be there. He seems to empathize, to dig into his feelings a little. But the highs are high and the lows are deep. I hate that part,
However, on meds he is fairly stable. The lows aren't as scary, they don't last as long. But he's so robotic (?). He seems very numb, basically totally indifferent about everything. He acts almost too normal. But there is no empathy. No feeling. No care. Not to mention, zero sex drive. Which is mostly fine, but the lack of intimacy and closeness at all is disturbing. No emotional or physical bonding, period. I feel like a partner needs some type of connection, but it doesn't bother him, medicated.
I sometimes can't tell which is worse. I'd rather have him be endlessly indifferent than suicidal. But damn do I miss seeing his actual joy and upsets. I know it seems odd to miss someone's temper but sometimes I do, it's a part of him. He also has a love/hate relationship with the meds, which is why he's on/off I suppose.
I don't know what I'm looking for here. I feel like an ass even questioning it. But I will say, I miss what I feel is the "real" him sometimes. Blah. :(
In our year long relationship he has gone on and off meds a handful of times. Some with medication changes, some just because..well, I'm honestly not sure why. He sees his doc monthly with extra for med revaluations.. I'm not sure if he tells her when he randomly decides to go off or not.
Regardless, I can't be the only human who feels like a total a-hole in wondering whether I struggle more while he's on the medication or not.
When he is off, he hits the lows hard. And I empathize with him, I truly do. It hurts me when he hurts, it makes me sad too. But he still listens to me, processes my feelings, even though his may not be there. He seems to empathize, to dig into his feelings a little. But the highs are high and the lows are deep. I hate that part,
However, on meds he is fairly stable. The lows aren't as scary, they don't last as long. But he's so robotic (?). He seems very numb, basically totally indifferent about everything. He acts almost too normal. But there is no empathy. No feeling. No care. Not to mention, zero sex drive. Which is mostly fine, but the lack of intimacy and closeness at all is disturbing. No emotional or physical bonding, period. I feel like a partner needs some type of connection, but it doesn't bother him, medicated.
I sometimes can't tell which is worse. I'd rather have him be endlessly indifferent than suicidal. But damn do I miss seeing his actual joy and upsets. I know it seems odd to miss someone's temper but sometimes I do, it's a part of him. He also has a love/hate relationship with the meds, which is why he's on/off I suppose.
I don't know what I'm looking for here. I feel like an ass even questioning it. But I will say, I miss what I feel is the "real" him sometimes. Blah. :(
