I read an article in Science Magazine, I believe, that talked about how the body is designed to always take care of itself to prevent injury. Therefore, in females, the physiological arousal is actually a survival technique. The body doesn't know if the penetration is going to be from force or done in love. That's the mind/heart's department. The body just responds the way it is designed to respond and that translates into signs of sexual arousal (lubrication, swelling, blood rushing to certain areas, etc). If this didn't happen, the body would be hurt more when the act took place.
This really helped me and I hope it lets you give yourself some grace in this matter. I figure if the body did what it was supposed to do during the rape(s) then the body would also respond that way to the flashback. It's all connected. I hope you can eventually be able to say, Thank you Body, Good Job for taking care of me automatically. Because if left to our mind to do the job, we would possibly have suffered much greater trauma in our 'scene of the crime' parts.
Please be easy and gentle with yourself. Especially right now, Friend.
