General Would my vet be able to protect me from an angry crowd?

[Snowflakes]

In 2006 the US Supreme Court ruled that the Police does not have a Constitutional Duty to protect someone. I say that because, at the end of the day, we each have to decide how we will react. @Never_falter you will never know how he will react, he may never know how he will react till it happens. A lot depends on prior training. Ex-combat vets, police officers, and those with self-defense training will be more mentally prepared but, unless we face those threats daily, we really won't know what we will do till the scenario plays out.

I know that I'm trained to protect myself and those with me but I also know that despite my best efforts, I may become incapacitated and have to depend on others to help me. So, yes your vet may have the desire and ability to save you but you also need to be prepared to save yourself, your children, and him.

Take care.

 

[Sideways]

Would my partner be able to save me from an angry mob of (as your example) 150 people? Seriously?

PTSD or not, for most partners? No, not unless they're Batman. Knowing how to keep risky situations de-escalated and getting away from danger before an "angry mob" descends? Far more important.

 

[anonymous]

In 2006 the US Supreme Court ruled that the Police does not have a Constitutional Duty to protect someone.

I believe the OP is in Germany.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I have no idea if he could or would protect you @Never_falter. It sounds like he has a lot of hypervigilant tendencies surrounding his family's protection, so logically it seems he would want to defend you if he felt your safety was seriously threatened.

Provoking, or even responding to rude people verbally isn't wise if you're trying to keep your family safe. You know what happens when the mouths start? The fists follow. Now, if you think about it, why would your husband want to endanger you by fighting in front of you? That's how bystanders get hurt. I wouldn't take his lack of verbal confrontation as a sign he couldn't defend you.

You know, part of my vet's hypervigilance was eased once he taught me how to shoot. He knew I could defend myself, or assist him if we had a home invasion or something. You wouldn't have to take it that far, but every woman should know how to defend herself somehow. Maybe it's a product of the violent culture here, but women's self defense products and classes are a huge market. There is something to fit everybody.

My vet is a stereotypical "alpha male", but he still wanted me to be able to help myself if he couldnt. His idea of romantic presents are guns, self defense stabby-things in girly colors, range bag supplies, and the same brand of mace he carried in Iraq. It doesn't seem like prince charming, but i find it very sweet and loving he wants me to be safe.

 

[Fadeaway]

Knowing how to keep risky situations de-escalated and getting away from danger before an "angry mob" descends? Far more important.

Like x 1,000!

Provoking, or even responding to rude people verbally isn't wise if you're trying to keep your family safe. You know what happens when the mouths start? The fists follow. Now, if you think about it, why would your husband want to endanger you by fighting in front of you? That's how bystanders get hurt. I wouldn't take his lack of verbal confrontation as a sign he couldn't defend you.

Again like x1,000

 

[Renestel]

Never Falter-
If I am correct in that you wrote the thread about the mall situation and now this, I have to say I am really concerned. This comes out of hope, not hate. But, people in both threads if so,( if not, then at least in this one) have taken time out of their day to give you really good input into looking at things in a different point of view, someone even reached out @TreeHugger and said hey here's a local martial art, it's amazing and I feel strong now, ( Awesome) plus legit he's never ALWAYS going to be there) and if you don't hear exactly what you want to hear, you ignore, deny or even lash out and say things like " feminist agenda" @Fadeaway . Harsh. I even in the mall thread suggested couples therapy because understandably, you have anxiety and questions of living and loving someone with PTSD in a time of the whole world having crazy chaos and violence, but I have to ask, why are you not open to hearing anything other than exactly what you want to hear other than you're perfectly right?

 

[Never_falter2]

To all of those, who ask why I ask questions like that. I am not sure, maybe it is because I have been raped. I did not end up with PTSD or flashbacks or anything fear of sex. Yes, it is odd, but I did not. I did not fight back, I think it was a smart move. A person like me would not be able to fight somebody of, it would just have put myself in danger.
It happened before I met my husband but I told him and he told me "don't worry. The one who rapes my woman will be in truble deep". I thought it was sweet.
My husband is afraid of crowds and when realized it made me feel afraid of crowds too. Only sometimes and a bit, because I love crowded places, but sometimes a thought hits me "where is the exit?", "what is in that guys backpack?" and I really never thought about things like this before I met him.
I am not sure if I want to learn a martial arts, because I do want to believe that people are good and that I am protected by others so that I do not have to worry about the few bad ones. In my culture women do not fight back, they are protected.

I do not doubt my vet has the will to protect me. Contrary to what some others say I never called him a coward. My question was if his illness would impair his ability to protect us.

I noticed that there are some things he does, if he is afraid. He freezes, he keeps close to the walls. He is sometimes very afraid of touching closed doors or even standing right in front of them. When he is stressed, he needs to place himself besides the door, relax, breath, relax until he opens a door.

There is other things he does when stressed, like polish a thing or play with his cell phone, or hit his leg.

One day when we heard an odd noise in the night, he went to check, which he always does. He is quite hypervigilant and always needs to check. He does this so often, but this time he was megastressed. I noticed he had the same door problem. He froze and I think he was trying to breeze right and he was carrying a stick and then he tried to reach the door latch with a stick which failed and I fear it might have alarmed any invader.
I noticed he also had the hitting his leg problem. There was no invader. Everything okay.

But I thought: what will I do if there is a home invasion one day and my husband has a real bad day just starts playing tetris on his cell phone or hitting himself. Hit the invader please, not yourself.

I was just hoping some would tell me "Don't worry. In case of emergency, he will know exactly what to do". Actually just looking for reassurance.

 

[Never_falter2]

@Snowflakes and @Neverthesame thanks for your answers. Thanks for having the courage and sharing. It means a whole lot to me.
@Snowflakes if in case of whatever emergency my husband became incapitated I would of course try to safe him. Don't worry. We spouses won't leave our husbands to their fate. Like I said I don't see myself as the protector of my husband, but if there was an angry mob and if his reaction was to freeze I would do everything to get him out. Sorry, I cannot fight, but I would try to get him out.

Still I have to say his freezing scares me. I do know very little about those things but I think in case of emergency a person should react instead of freeze or hit his leg or fidget with his spider spinner or start searching for chewing gun.

There is things he does to calm down his anxiety like play Tetris or chew gum or the other things I mentioned. I hope he will not start to play Tetris in case of emergency or I really, really, really would not know what to do.

 

[Never_falter2]

I did not tell him about my fears. I did not want to hurt his feelings.

 

[Sideways]

It sounds like what you're kind of saying is, "I'm already not confident about protecting myself, and if he's got all this anxiety from his ptsd, are the two of us just going to fall apart if we ever find ourselves in danger?" That's how I've interpreted it, and I may be way off...?

When I'm by myself? I don't handle crowds real well, but my ptsd, my hypervigilance, my overactive fight/flight do seem to make my response time to potential threat pretty quick. So even though I find crowds stressful, I think I've got as good a chance as anyone at detecting danger and getting myself outta there to somewhere safe. It makes me more jumpy, but also more prepared.

Your anxiety about personal safety isn't unreasonable. Where this anxiety may become a problem is if you decide that you're not safe unless hubby is with you, or if you start avoiding things or places because you aren't sure about whether you'll be safe.

I'm not sure that there's anything to indicate (and I may be wrong) that the type of risks you seem to be worried about (angry crowds, terrorism, people breaking in, etc) are made more dangerous by the fact that one of you has ptsd. We all run the risk that something could happen and we won't be able to protect ourselves adequately, but being concerned that your situation is worse (or even just inadequate) because of the ptsd-element is, IMO, a cognitive distortion that's fuelling your anxiety without due cause. Who wouldn't get twitchy if they thought someone was trying to break in? Getting jumpy makes sense, and it doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't have responded well if there had been someone there, yeah?

But more to the point, you can't let your anxiety about the possibility of these events happening unreasonably effect how you live your life, how much you enjoy your life, or your relationship with your partner, yeah?

 

[Casey_03]

How long ago did he develop PTSD?

 

[illusionist]

In the event of a possible intruder you can shout " will you get the lads a drink?.....three beers, two vodkas and three rums"......it works.....something you can do yourself...we don't always need to be confrontational.