General Would my vet be able to protect me from an angry crowd?

[Never_falter2]

Re "changed behaviour". A lot of women I know have changed their behaviour lately. So I am not the only one. Yes, I would say my behaviour has changed because I have started covering up, wearing long skirts instead of kneelength ones, long tunics, long jackets. I hate to be dressed like this if it is hot, but it makes me feel safer and it is only a small change in behaviour and I know other women who do the same when they are going out.
I don't to give in to fear but also not be careless.

I think I am still bolder than most because I go a lot of places other women are avoiding.
Hubby is often away on a job. So I do a lot of things without him.

It's just, you know, I want to have the feeling I am his, I am protected.

Sorry, I did not answer all things and all post individually. I don't have much time to write.

 

[EveHarrington]

Are things really that bad in Germany?

 

[Sighs]

@EveHarrington - clearly at least where @Never_falter is living - yes.

@Never_falter - I have done a lot of martial arts over the years. All of my trainers have told me I hit as hard as a man. (It always surprises them because I am a petite woman.) Do I think for a moment I could "defend" myself against one man intent on harming me? No. Men are far more physically powerful than most women really understand. Have you ever wrestled with a male family member or boyfriend? Could you over power them? Of course not. And they were being careful not to hurt you. Unless you are able to carry a firearm in Germany (we are not here in Australia) then realistically you cannot protect yourself from an angry mob.

Can your husband protect you? I suspect his military training would kick in. I do not think he would flee. (He did not flee from the rude shop assistant - just refused to engage him.) He may well try to deal with the situation non-violently. This would mean calming the immediate threat to allow you to escape. That is not cowardice. That is fighting smarter. If necessary, I'm sure he would protect you with his life just like you would your children.

 

[Nessa7]

I'm going to preface this with saying that I am not any kind of expert on crime in Germany and that I'm not saying that @Never_falter might not be living in a high crime area.

Germany is not a particularly dangerous country. Crime statistics are pretty average compared to other European countries. They score pretty well on the Global Peace Index. It's not as though there isn't a reason to be concerned about terrorism, but it ranks lower on the Global Terrorism Index than France, the UK, and the US.

I am curious to know how you feel about the possibility that news, politicians, and rumors might be fueling your fear. I'm guessing that is something that has been in the news quite a bit in Germany if it has actually received coverage in the United States. We don't generally get a lot of news about politics in other countries. I don't want to offend you. I think that it can be very hard to not feel afraid when everyone around you is telling you that you should, especially when there are past events that are very frightening and would make anyone feel unsafe.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I live in the US but straddling the ghetto area. You can buy just about any drug you want in my apartment complex or the one that is next to ours and if you strike out there, behind the McDonalds a few blocks away is where the ex roommates used to get their herion. For a time, my apartment was turned into a crack house very quickly without my abilty to stop nor control it and I had, at least, 50 people that looked like they were the worst off of OBT (a part of Orange Blossm Trail is the most well known drug area in Orlando) in and out of here and that's just when I was home.

I am also single. When I wasn't my ex is 4 inches shorter then me and I knew I could take him and once had backed him into a corner daring him to hit me to have any reason to try to take him.

My personal belief is that it is danagerous to put your saftey into another's hands. Any other's hands. You have zero idea how that person will be. People of all gender and all body types and all races fall into all 3 groups during emergencies: Those that panic running in circles screaming and flapping their arms, those that freeze and can't move, and the leaders that take charge of the situation and try to get everyone they can, including themselves, to saftey. I personally fall into the last group. But you have big stocky men that run in circles screaming and flapping their arms and the most petiete women are those like myself in the last group. I am not petiete but certianly I am female.

Even a vet can fall into all 3 groups. Training weeds out and train but with PTSD all of that can go out the window. It may not but it can. PTSD adds another layer onto of that. Reliving trauma. And that is no laughing matter. So, he could be safe in a local store but thinks he is in a war zone. His mind, body, and senses think he is fighting a war still. He is in "emergency mind" the entire time he is there. That is exhausting and it is also very, VERY hard! Your mind cannot see the reality of just being in a store around others just shopping but rather you see danger every single turn you make. I couldn't get past that alone thus why I am training a service dog. But, I rescued my dog orginally to be able to feel safe at home. Even at home I couldn't feel safe.

My point is, even if he is a take charge sort of person, PTSD can over ride all of that. It may not but it may. Or he may go weird Dexter overkill too. It happens. Take charge of your own personal saftey. I am sure there are self defense classes where you are and if there aren't, there are many online. You feel safe because you know how to keep yourself safe. I am in the personal belief every female needs to do this. It is so important to know how to keep yourself safe in times like these!

 

[Casey_03]

Agree with @lostforgottensoul. Also, unless he has his own unit of special forces constantly at his disposal with the click of a button, there's no way he'd be able to protect you against a terrorist attack or angry mob. It's just not physically possible. Shield you and escort you to safety? Yes. But protect you in the sense of standing up to attackers and stopping the violence? No way.

I also wonder why this protection thing has become an issue only now, assuming you have been married to him for a while and would've noticed his personality traits sooner? Was this triggered by the young men you said sexually harassed you? Or some other event?

 

[Sighs]

With all due respect to @lostforgottensoul, I do not believe that combat veterans run in circles, screaming and flapping their arms. At least, I've never seen one do that. Both my grandfathers, my father, his three brothers, and my mother's brother-in-law, as well as my partner and a few of his mates are combat veterans. I have seen those men deal with various emergencies and confrontations. I never saw a flight or freeze response from any of them. I either saw training kick in or a fight response.

Secondly, my concern about female self defence classes is that they can give the illusion of the ability to fight off men. I'm all for walking with your keys between your fingers, parking your car under the light at the carpark etc. It concerns me that some women (and I'm not saying you are one of them @lostforgottensoul) think that taking a self defence class somehow means that they can put themselves in more dangerous situations and rely on their ability to physically fight off an attacker.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It concerns me that some women (and I'm not saying you are one of them @lostforgottensoul) think that taking a self defence class somehow means that they can put themselves in more dangerous situations and rely on their ability to physically fight off an attacker

Nope, not my thoughts at all. Why do that anyway? Inviting danger has zero to do with knowing self defense.

And, I know some vets with PTSD and I did advise that training weeds out/trains out that response (though I have seen some huge men run in circles flapping their arms - it was a sight) but I also stated PTSD can and does add a layer onto that. In an always in danger mindset causes many to freeze and I have met some manily men at the VA admit they freeze in dangerous situations today. So, thats not defending her.

And, with @Casey_03, I am concerned with where all of this is going anyway. Why the sudden need to feel protected?

Sorry, I stand by what I stated. It is rather dangerous to put your own personal saftey in the hands of any other but yourself. Or, at least, if you are already in a dangerous situation (like in a burning building) you are following the right person out to saftey and not into more danger.

 

[Casey_03]

Not to get too far off topic, but most women's self defense classes (at least all of them I have attended in my area) actually encourage women to get away/escape/de-escalate, not to fight a man. They do teach moves that come in handy as a last resort if you can't get away (i.e. grappling if you're about to be raped and need to throw your attacker off you), but the guiding logic is generally to escape with your life and not engage. That's why so many of the moves are meant to literally disable the attacker momentarily -- to give you time to escape. Sorry, I know that's veering off the topic here, but I don't want anyone interested in self-defense to get scared off. Those self-defense classes literally saved my life before and helped me prevent myself from being thrown out a window, in addition to other things.

BUT back to the topic -- if self-defense classes aren't appealing in this situation, pepper spray might do the trick. I don't know about in Germany, but in most places you can buy highly potent pepper spray that sprays as far as 10-12 feet, so you don't even have to be up close to your attacker. And if you get the oil-based kind, you get the added bonus of leaving your attacker with a substance that will seep further into his/her skin and spread if he/she tries to rinse it off.

My point is -- there are ways to feel safer on your own even without self-defense classes. But if this is really about a genuine need to feel that your husband can and will protect you when he needs to, there's nothing wrong with that as long as you're realistic about it. I still wonder if this issue is more about anxiety or deeper issues in the relationship, but if the OP says it's not, well, she would know better. I do think your vet absolutely would step in to protect you in situations where he's capable. I think the incidents you described where he didn't protect you were just verbal spats that he knew would be wiser to avoid.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

if self-defense classes aren't appealing in this situation, pepper spray might do the trick. I don't know about in Germany, but in most places you can buy highly potent pepper spray that sprays as far as 10-12 feet, so you don't even have to be up close to your attacker. And if you get the oil-based kind, you get the added bonus of leaving your attacker with a substance that will seep further into his/her skin and spread if he/she tries to rinse it off.

I own a taser! It stays with me 24/7!

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

There is a lot of propaganda in Germany at the moment because of course Germany is taking in a lot more refugees than any other country.

In any case the likelihood is your not really in any more danger than you've ever been in. The world is scary and sometimes shit goes down. Radical acceptance helps me with my irrational fear of public transport crashes. I think self defence class is good for anyone.

More than likely you're husband will be able to help in an emergency situation. I deal very well with emergencies its just going to the supermarket that I can't deal with.

 

[Friday]

But I thought: what will I do if there is a home invasion one day and my husband has a real bad day just starts playing tetris on his cell phone or hitting himself. Hit the invader please, not yourself

That's what happens when there ISNT anyone to rip to shreds.

My vote is simple. You want your husband to be able to protect you. You're already married to the man. So I'd say, yes. Even from his death bed his last breath would be used to protect you & the children.

In addition to that? ;) Until you saw him deescalate a situation -and then take shit out on you all afterward, which offended you on many levels- it never seems to have occurred to you he wouldn't be able to? So I would counsel trust years worth of experience, rather than one Why get mad at us instead of him??? Moment. Now, if he'd thrown you at the guy & run? I'd say f*cking leave his ass, now. But he didn't. Even being completely overwhelmed his first instinct was to deescalate & control the situation with his family present. That speaks to your years worth of experience & beliefs being right.

((For the record, with a mob? If someone is in your charge? You don't fight. You become inseparable ghosts, maintaining not only eyes-on but physically in contact at all times if at all possible; not making eye contact and slithering through the press until you can hide, assess, move, assess, move. Possibly causing distractions as you go, but mostly trying to get yourself and your charge from point A to point B with no one noticing you doing so. Anyone who does? You want to deescalate if at all possible, so they forget you. Don't follow you. Don't draw you into a conflict. Don't get other people noticing you. Being a good fighter is as much -if not more- knowing when not to fight. Protecting someone else? Means f*ck dignity. f*ck pride. You don't matter. Only they matter. And what's necessary to ensure their protection.))