Undiagnosed Help please. bullying & ocd & panic disorder

[odette]

not sure if I have ptsd, and I hope I do not..but I have an immense fear that I do after what happened today. Last year I had to move out of my home, we had to live with a close relative at the time that didn't affect me. I got into the wrong crowd at school and wasn't acting my usual self. I got into a fight with a bully of mine, ( all the girls bullied me but one apoglosed). After that I was quite upset that I was hit but still I moved on and stopped contacting the girls I used to talk to. Long story short: she took my personal property, and left me nasty messages, and cyber bullied me. I never spoke to any of them since. I tired my best to not think of what happened, but it caused me great distress..my dreams always involved high school and those girls, not real life situations that happened just normal. But it made me distress in real life. Fast forward, today while out I swore that I saw one of the girls that was involved( I am always afraid to go out and always looking to see if I see them or anyone from school)..I am debating whether it was her or not and it's causing me so much stress. I panicked because I swore she was looking at me but I'm not sure. She looked like her, but now I am dissociating so I don't even remember the face..I came home and went in my room and had an attack and cried, I didn't relive anything but I feel spaced out.. I don't know what to think. I wish I never left the house today, now I feel deep regret because I will never know the truth

 

[Suzetig]

No one here can say whether you have PTSD but the bullying you describe doesn't sound like it would cause PTSD, for that you need something that places your life in danger. Note that I'm not saying your bullying wasn't traumatic - it sounds awful - but it's a very specific type of trauma needed for PTSD.

It sounds like you saw her, were caught off guard and it's brought old feelings up for you. In your shoes I'd go gently with myself for a few days, let myself cry or shout or whatever - basically feel whatever you feel - and not look at disorder or diagnosis etc, it sounds like you're having a really normal response as unpleasant as that may be. If you have people you can talk to and get support from, that might be helpful too.

 

[Esterio]

not sure if I have ptsd, and I hope I do not..but I have an immense fear that I do after what happened t...

First welcome to this community it is a good place to come and share with others that have been where you have. Lots of great folks willing to listen and support each other as needed.
Do you see a therapist or councillor. Bullying can cause life long problems including PTSD, You need to talk to someone and figure it out. You will get more responses if not start another thread people read them it just doesn't happen in real time sometimes it takes a few days and other times you hit a nerve with someone and they have some insight for you. Be patient
Peace be safe

 

[odette]

But that's causing me distress, I don't want anyone to see me and catch me off guard. She doesn't live close to where I was..and I was wondering if me always worrying about seeing them would cause me to see someone that looks like them. Thank you for your advice though. I just wish I knew if it was her, I will never know it's making me so anxious not knowing

 

[Casey_03]

What would it change if you knew it was her? Or if you knew for a fact it wasn't her? Nothing would change, it'd just make you obsess over it more.

 

[odette]

If it were her I would feel anxious, but at least I know..now I'm feeling she saw me and I tried sooo hard to avoid that happening, I need to know I have OCD so knowing every detail matters. I've never seen her in that store before, my sister says it's unlikely but deep down the uncertainty is killing me. If it wasn't her I would feel fine

 

[Suzetig]

Can you let yourself accept that you won't know? Maybe think about if what difference it would make if you knew it definitely was her, what difference it would make if you definitely knew it wasn't?

It's causing you distress because it's distressing - I want to say it's ok that you feel distressed because that feels like a normal, natural reaction to thinking you unexpectedly saw someone who bullied you. It's unpleasant and we don't want to be distressed but I'm not sure how else you could react to that situation.

If you can figure out what your need to know is about, you can work through the part of that which is causing you anxiety. But first maybe make yourself a hot/cold drink, breath deeply and do whatever usually grounds you when you panic.

 

[Suzetig]

Great minds @Casey_03 :-)

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Do you feel like you had a panic attack? Cyber bullying is sooo hard. You can't get away from it, it is with you 24 hours a day. Unfortunately, people have killed themselves because of it. I don't know where it fits into trauma but I have seen what it does to people. A teen in my community killed herself just last year because of it. So, I hope as part of your self care you can seek out therapy. If you are a teen, remember that you can be open and honest with your therapist and not worry about them telling your parents. The therapist is there to validate what happened to you, give you strategies to heal and continue on in life. I wish you the best!

 

[odette]

Do you feel like you had a panic attack? Cyber bullying is sooo hard. You can't get away from it, it i...

I felt panic definitely. Different from my other attacks but I felt fast heart rate and dissociation. The thought of suicide is causing me panic, what if I can't cope

 

[odette]

Can you let yourself accept that you won't know? Maybe think about if what difference it would make if...

I can't just accept it, that's not like me..I always ruminate on things. No matter how big or little. If I knew it wasn't her, I would feel 110% relived. I wouldn't be on this site. I talked it out with my sister I felt a little better, I ate and tried to bring things into perspective but I still can't shake it.

 

[Casey_03]

The really terrible thing about bullying is that it makes the victims feel entrapped in this tiny world (school) with people, bullies, who wish them harm. Please know that the real world is soooo much bigger than your school, or former school, and you will eventually find awesome friends who will make you forget about this girl. Maybe not right away, but give it some time. And try to channel your anxiety and energy into getting away from where you are now and concentrating on some positive goals for yourself. After all, the best way to get back at bullies is to be happy and build yourself a good life.