Bailing on therapy

[UnicornSightings]

So I've thought of quitting therapy countless times before and here it is YET AGAIN. We are usually ok but sometimes things are off and they're off right now. I hate it. We are getting into a bit of childhood stuff but we never stay on it long. I know if I wait it out things will resume but that stuff is what I'm there for! And transference stuff is back yet again and I just don't want to deal with the "I love her, I hate her" crap. If I kill off therapy then yeah, it will suck and I will miss her and I may revert to old ways for awhile but don't you also think it's good to just kill off stuff so you can see what you're really made of??! There's gotta be a good lesson that will come from it. I love therapy and my therapist but too much. And I don't know that it's improving the quality of my life much. Just something o obsess over. And it's nice having someone to talk to. I don't look forward to being completely alone again but maybe that's just the path for me?? Maybe there's something I can do with that or something I can still achieve in that capacity. Any thoughts?

 

[No Gravity]

I can relate to what you're saying. I have attachment issues and understand that I'm working them out with my therapist. It sucks and it's so difficult at the same time I'm committed to it. I want my life and relationships to be better and know they won't change unless I do. I have to remind myself of that repeatedly. I wrote myself a letter to read every time I want to quit therapy. I gave it to my therapist and told her to email it to me if I say I'm not coming back. I've gotten it sent to me a couple of times and it's helped.

Dealing with the past takes incredible amounts of courage. Slow and steady wins the race. Good luck.

 

[UnicornSightings]

What if it just doesn't ever help though? What if it just goes on and on and on and on and it doesn't make a difference? And meanwhile life is NOT waiting around for you. What then? I'm sooooooo attached to her and I think she hates me which is so painful. If I wasn't attached, this wouldn't even be a question. I'd be done. It's a really tough call. And I can't talk about it with her because I have many times before and it's always the same thing. I make the decision. Period. She gives me no reasons to stay which reinforces that she wants me gone.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Hi @UnicornSightings

I don't think that giving you reasons to stay is an underlying way of showing hostility. Possibly a cognitive distortion of facts.

Why don't you schedule your next session for a couple of weeks or even longer is necessary. Give yourself a break and sprout your wings.

 

[No Gravity]

My therapist always leaves it up to me too. That I believe is the professional way to respond. It really is your choice. It's sounds like the feelings of leaving come up as you begin to get into childhood stuff. Sometimes these issues can arise as a way to avoid dealing with the past. After years of that I actually laugh at myself as I'm saying that I think therapy is a mistake. I am actually aware of what I'm doing. I stop myself and regroup and let myself move forward. In my case I'm doing EMDR after years of preparing.

I intellectually trust my therapist and also can't imagine not having her in my life. It doesn't stop me from questioning our therapy etc. it seems like it's part of the process. The therapeutic relationship is strange. Of course it feels bad that your therapist won't try to talk you into staying. It's what you'd expect from a friend or lover. At the same time I imagine it would feel awful to have her try to make me stay if I wanted to go and would likely have a negative impact on our therapy.

Perhaps it would help to ask her to help you understand why this keeps happening.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Perhaps it would help to ask her to help you understand why this keeps happening.

Agreed!

 

[watundah]

I think for some of us, we need that powerful attachment to move forward and as is typical with many survivors, that gets our abandonment issues all stirred up. I know the great yearning between sessions can be heady, too, but it all is part of forging a relationship with someone who cares a lot about us. Don't quit for this reason. It feels scary but it's also very healing.

 

[EveHarrington]

Killing off therapy?

What is it that you do in your life without therapy that is healing you? If you don't need it, bail.

But this is a serious question.

I mean if we could do it all on our own, we would be doing it all on our own. Right?

 

[UnicornSightings]

Thank you all for commenting. I've decided not to go back. If therapy was working for me at all I wouldn't even consider bailing. I don't think I can be helped or even help myself. Just gonna go back to isolating.

 

[chaotic harmony]

@UnicornSightings You can and DESERVE to be helped! I understand your frustration over/with your current T, but please don't let this stop you from getting the help you need/deserve. Have you told her that you aren't going back? Can she refer you to someone? Maybe if she can refer you and you take a break (to regroup, look at your goals, etc) for awhile you will start to see the benefits again. Just a thought. I hope you can take some time to relax today and do something nice for yourself.

 

[Nessa7]

Have you tried seeing a male therapist?

 

[watundah]

I think sometimes we arent ready and that's ok. Maybe you will be some day.