Partner with ptsd, at my wits end . i'm so alone

[ExhaustedPartner]

My partner of 10+ years has recently been diagnosed with ptsd from childhood trauma. I try everything I can to stop things angering him, I keep us ( children too) away from situations and people that trigger his anger. To the point where I have minimal to no contact with family. This children are getting to an age where they ask me all the time, why is he so angry with us, why does he keep saying' f*** you' and leaving or telling you to leave 'his' house? He kicks us out..... and then wants us home. Then does it again 6 months later.
Partner constantly puts himself up on a pedestal and raves about how wonderful he is at everything all the time. A small thing requires huge acknowledgement toward him with chores or odd jobs. It's coming to the point where I feel utterly exhausted. I'm constantly telling him he's great, what about me?! How about a thanks for any one of the things I've done today. Or recognition to the children for anything they've done. It's so one sided.
I feel like I could write forever....
I've tried so hard to be supportive but many things that anger him are so far from the truth. Nothing I ever say would make him think otherwise. He only listens to himself, if anyone so much as has a hint of a different opinion to him he angers and believes they are disrespecting and lying and abusing him.
He is Constantly calling me a liar, idiot, moll, gutter scum, dog shit, and telling me how thick I am when he gets angry.
Something has angered him again and he's decided he's leaving us...again, not considering the children were mid going to bed and that school goes back tomorrow..... only thinking of himself... again.
Am I mean to him for venting here. Am I cruel for complaining?
I'm sorry for the long rant ...I appreciate any ears that are listening.

 

[Sokada]

My partner of 10+ years has recently been diagnosed with ptsd from childhood trauma. I try everything I can...

Living with a partner with difficulties is hard for everyone it really is. It boils down to something simple though, are you able to live with the problems until he gets to a place of relief? Bearing in mind that may not ever happen. It seems like a stark choice, but really it's what it boils down to. Noone would judge anyone who made the honest choice and moved on if it was too hard for them, better that than suffer - then resentment starts to build. Sadly you've got a difficult choice to make, just be honest about what you can actually deal with

 

[Unuh]

Just interested in what lead to the diagnosis? Is he involved in therapy at all?

I am really sorry to hear that your children and you are experiencing this.

 

[Ojahe]

I am a wife with kids that has ptsd. Everything you just described sounds like abuse to me. With what you described in the way he lashes out at you and needs to be constantly elevated over everyone else, the names he calls you. The fact that the children can't escape it, I would separate. I am having trouble even thinking if this as a "ptsd thing". To me it seems more of an "asshole" thing, though I realize that ptsd and childhood abuse may be related, so maybe after he fixes his shit, he gets to come back. In the meantime, you need to protect you and your family.

 

[Uhiran]

Whoa this is not simply PTSD. He's being abusive, full stop. Yes PTSD makes people feel aggravated/irritable at times but he has full responsibility for his language. Get the kids out of this situation until he learns to be accountable for his behavior. He can learn. The only way he will learn is if you draw a strong boundary. You and the kids should never be treated like that. Dont enable this. I know it's so hard and I'm really sorry this is happening.

 

[Ate]

It is often not easy to pick up and leave, especially when you have children. The years invested, the hope that things will get better, and financial issues are all involved. Is he in therapy? Who diagnosed him? It sounds like he has more going on, but the therapist wouldn't know that unless he told the therapist that he's being abusive. You are not cruel for complaining. Not at all. I hope you can see your way through to seeing a therapist for yourself, to help you through this. A therapist would be able to help you sort things out in an unbiased manner.

 

[Unij]

Lashing out is hell.

 

[Rular]

I agree; this isn't PTSD. It's abuse. Picking up and leaving is NOT easy, but dealing with this (and putting the children through it) for another ten years would ultimately be more difficult than setting hard and fast boundaries right now. For someone who survived childhood abuse, he doesn't sound like he's breaking the cycle with his own life.

 

[anonymous]

From experience it will only get worse, if he doesn't get help. You have to be ready to set that boundary in order to stick with it otherwise nothing will change. Often the cold hard reality of his family being gone will wake him up eventually to getting help. It's a painful process, but it's possible.

 

[ExhaustedPartner]

Just interested in what lead to the diagnosis? Is he involved in therapy at all?

I am really sorry to hear that your...

Was diagnosed with Schizophrenia of some sort over 20 years ago. Recently has been told that was incorrect and he has PTSD. After much research I still believe he has the first also. Currently in therapy (not often enough in my opinion) but i don't think it is helping much if at all.

 

[Direveh]

He is Constantly calling me a liar, idiot, moll, gutter scum, dog shit, and telling me how thick I am when he gets angry.

This isn't ptsd this is abuse.

To keep your children in this situation isn't really an option. They may grow up to have issues. Not being able to have a proper childhood is one of the reasons I don't have mental resilience, had poor coping tools basically set me up for mental health issues and that's before the trauma. My mother was mentally unwell although a lot of it wasn't her fault (some of it was abuse and no mental health issue can be blamed for the way I was treated) it still has a lasting impact on me.

What about you too. You don't deserve to be treated like this. This can't be doing anything good for your mental health. If your friend said all you just said to you what would be your advice to them? What would you say to them? Why don't you deserve just as good as you'd expect for your friend.

 

[ExhaustedPartner]

It is often not easy to pick up and leave, especially when you have children. The years invested, the hope that things wil...

Currently waiting to see a therapist myself, to help me deal with everything.