What Makes You Angry Today?

[Spock]

It's one of my favorite things about PTSD... My outstanding judgement.

I say nothing when I should speak up.
I say too much when I should zip it.

Forehead. Drywall. Repeat.
Mmmbhmmm hmm mmbh (talking through duct tape)

I get that...

 

[Spock]

My fave is when I get followed around the house while being asked, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing"
"I don't know why you lie to me, I can tell when something is wrong."
"Nothing"

After a while of this I finally spill it. He gets all defensive (I am convinced that is the only reason he wants to know anyway - so he can get all stupid defensive) and a fight breaks out that goes in circles for hours. Always leading to the same damn thing.
"See I should have never told you what was wrong."

That's the way it goes, every single time.

Does he have combat trauma too & have you watch this video together? Just for a start:
Link Removed

 

[Spock]

I don't know whats going on today at work, but everybody is kissing my ass, walking on eggshells around me. I don't know why, but i think another worker or somebody, may have told them i have ptsd. Everybody keeps asking me if i'm ok. WTF, i feel now that i look like some freak or look like i'm batshit crazy. I try, as do all of us to find some degree of a normal existence, with the beast, but now i'm paranoid about what my co-workers think of me. Not that I care what anyone thinks, I'm just trying to have a normal f*cking job, with a normal f*cking life as best i can. It's embarrasing when people you dont want to think your psycho, treat you like you could blow a fuse any minute. I honestly dont think i have done anything or acted any particular way to warrent people asking me if i'm ok all the time. Who knows, maybe i have...

I've tried the explaining & sharing thing with civvies: family & best friends and it is mostly a bust, maybe 10% met my expectations of support. Some were to self involved to care and to afraid to engage or know what to do. So, there is little hope of trying to enlighten anyone without Combat Trauma Wounds. But, I have gotten my attempt at enlightenment down to a small tidbit for them...which I shared with a new friend I'm mentoring. Actually we were in Iraq together but is only now dealing with things. His spouse is really not working with him because he has carried on so long and kept holding things in.

Here was a summary I gave him which you might use to be direct & cut-off your work buds, to give them a clue & politely ask them to give you some space: I'm still normal, whatever the heck that is? I'm not mental, I have a permanent combat wound. I have to deal with life just like anyone else, like you do, same crap, same cycle of ups & downs. The only difference is I start with maybe half the coping ability you have, and that is on a good day. My combat trauma lays over my life like a veil, over the good & bad times. So, when you run out of ability to be patient, to deal with things, when several things get dumped on you at once; understand I just get there much faster in response to less because of the heavy veil I carry all the time.

 

[LocaButt]

WTFO??? :eek:

My phone just lit up like Christmas, buzzing, and blaring... Big old red flashing screen w EMERGENCY ALERT!!! EMERGENCY ALERT!!!

Chaseus. Click. Okay. Not an emergency. At least not my emergency. Amber Alert. f*ck. Breathe. Since when did I opt into that? Well forget about bedtime. I was seriously just about to drift off. Wide awake, now.

lol I have only ever gotten a couple of those. Unfortunately, my phone was lighting up last night also - for tornado alerts :( Them shits scare the bajeezus out of me.

 

[LocaButt]

Does he have combat trauma too & have you watch this video together? Just for a start:
Link Removed

He does and I have watched it but not him. Maybe I will try to share it with him but he hates all the documentaries (etc) that I watch. He doesn't like to be faced with reality, I think. f*ck if I know though, I am not him. I have no idea what goes on in my own head most of the time, much less his.

 

[combatgoldfish]

I'm taking a "Leadership & Development" course online. Which is required. I find it amusing for the most part since I have years of management experience and military experience. I've balanced the two when it comes to reflecting on them in discussions and paper. I guess the teacher didn't like it when I discussed that my final paper would be on "Leadership in crisis - war & terrorism". I wanted to reflect on great leaders in war and also NYC's mayor during 9/11. The professor didn't like that at all and told me I need to keep my topic(s) in the "workplace". So f*cking annoying.

 

[Friday]

"Leadership in dangerous workplaces - war & terrorism." Probably wouldn't endear you to the prof too much, huh? :D Nor 'Leadership in pedantic workplaces'.

Since the Guardian has 75% of fortune500 companies holding K&R insurance, the US Military is our nation's single largest employer, and war & terror are very much a part of even pedantic business concerns (not to mention the people who actually work them in various capacities)... Eh. Church & choir. I'd still like to smack your prof with this website. http://www.controlrisks.com/en Or the dang 1500pp reports that come out every other minute. Those have heft :sneaky:

 

[Grizzly]

The problem with what you just mentioned Friday is that its likely above the professors cognitive thought process.

From my various and failed brushes with intitutions of higher learning it seems their is a concentrated effort in controlling our personal ways of thinking and react in a more progressive and free thinking dogma. In truth its furthest from any of that. Without this spilling into a political debate I'm trying to explain it from my own experiences.

CGF...it's a shame your idea is being disseminitated before the first paragraph. Seems to me the idea isn't fitting the mold. Looks like you could paint a positive picture on the idea that many collegiate scholars want to destroy because of a political agenda that some are still clinging too.

 

[LocaButt]

What Makes You Angry Today?


f*cking everything...other than that...not much.

This about sums it up today.
As soon as I woke up the bullshit started. No end in sight. Can't get my schoolwork done because my mind won't chill the hell out. I just want to scream and break shit.
There is going to be a fight when the hubby gets home, guaranteed. So I'm looking forward to that. Don't call me asking what's wrong, just to get all defensive and blow me off. "Why are you crying now?" "Because I'm a big f*cking cry baby!" *click*
I swear to gawd if I get told I am PMSing, well, let's just say it is going to be a very bad day.

 

[LocaButt]

 

[Spock]

This about sums it up today.
As soon as I woke up the bullshit started. No end in sight. Can't get my schoolwork done because my mind won't chill the hell out. I just want to scream and break shit.
There is going to be a fight when the hubby gets home, guaranteed. So I'm looking forward to that. Don't call me asking what's wrong, just to get all defensive and blow me off. "Why are you crying now?" "Because I'm a big f*cking cry baby!" *click*
I swear to gawd if I get told I am PMSing, well, let's just say it is going to be a very bad day.

Let it out girl

 

[holdenmonty]

Today what pisses me off is that I woke up feeling good was hoping it would be a good day but as I was all ready to leave for work my wife said wait I'm making coffee so you can take some to work. Not wanting to be a jerk I stayed until the coffee was done so I could get some. Then our one year old wakes up she asks me to get him so I am nice and go up and get him because he's so cute and it makes me happy to see him in the morning. Then she has me hold onto him until shes done getting around which ends up being 730 when I'm suppose to be at work... luckily we live on base so it isn't a far drive but still... I then have to still make my coffee so I don't seem like an asshole since she made a whole pot even though I asked her not to... I end up getting to work 20 minutes late.... luckily nobody really notices that I'm 20 minutes late but I know that I was late and I'm never late to work... I'm always at least 5 or 10 minutes early the fact that I got in 20 minutes late drives me nuts.