Apologies

[Sludge]

I seem to have a completely different idea of what an apology should be, compared to what most other people think. In my book, you can't be sorry unless you recognize what you did wrong and admit your mistake. Saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way" or something like that is not an apology. It's a defensive tactic in a flimsy disguise, especially if you follow the statement with a "but".

/rant

Someone on here once told me how tired they were of Americans and their insistence on apologizing all the time for everything. At first I took offense, then overtime I realized it is likely true. For some reason we live in a culture of "everything is MY fault even if it is not". I often wonder why that is.

I think back of all the Ozzies and Brits and assorted South Americans I served/drank/fought with over the years and honestly can't think of any apologies that basic human etiquette did not require.

In a shithole sailor dive in some shithole country: "Oi mate, you spilled my beer!" <mug to the side of my head follows> "Get F*cked" My mug follows speaker's in opposite arc> We both laugh after a minor dust-up and buy each other a beer- suddenly best friends.

In a shithole dive bar in Southern California: "Dude, you spilled my beer" screamed in my face.<attempts to summon lawyer on mobile> "Dude, Get F*cked and tell your mom I'll stop by again tonight."<my mug follows previously described arc form previous example to speaker's head>
Pigs get called, force us to say sorry to each other, I get served by some bloodsucking lawyer the next day...


Lately, I just gave up apologizing. I am who I am and I do what I do. I'm not perfect and really do not want to be, even if I could.

Makes me feel like Paul Reuban's character in Cheech and Chong's "Nice Dreams"- "NOT SORRY! NOT SORRY! I TOOK THE MONEY! Nyaaah!"

Come to think of it, I think I want to be the guy from the hamburger train...

 

[holdenmonty]

I can totally relate I hate when people just throw out I'm sorry and I use to be guilty of it as well if I didn't do something perfect I would say I'm sorry but I have realized how much words really mean. I also hate it when people say I promise without really thinking about it. Especially when I ask my son if he's going to poop in his pants again and he says no I promise and I tell him don't promise just say you will do your best because he goes and poops in his pants again and I don't want him thinking that it's ok to break a promise. To me a promise is more like a verbal contract that if it is broken there should be some kind of retribution.

 

[Friday]

I tell him don't promise just say you will do your best because he goes and poops in his pants again and I don't want him thinking that it's ok to break a promise. To me a promise is more like a verbal contract that if it is broken there should be some kind of retribution.

Ditto. I've probably made half a dozen promises in the past ten years. I don't hold others to them, but I make promises like I make vows. With exceptional care, and absolute follow through regardless of consequences. Drives my son nuts, because I won't promise about durn near anything he wants me to, but he also knows me. When I do promise? It happens. Period. I'll shred myself before I willingly break one.

Lol... Dark humor, but my retribution comes prepackaged : If I've broken a promise to someone, I'm usually bleeding in a hospital somewhere. Not really exaggerating. I've learned not to make promises about times & places in the same breath. I'll promise to be somewhere, but not when! There be monsters between points A & B.

Also, pinky swears are sacred. :D Light hearted, but sacred.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

How about Bets??? I made a bet with my daughter when she was 12. Today both of us can not remember what the bet was. Anyway I lost the bet, so I now have a Diamond Stud in my left ear lobe for the last 13 years....Now my daughter said, Dad you don't have to get the Stud if you don't really want to......I told her that would be Welching on the the bet and win or lose you always pay the bet...!!!! If you can't pay the bet, don't make one.......To this day she will not make a bet. :)

I have only made one New Years Resolution in my life and have kept. I made a resolution to never make another one. :eek::eek::eek:

As to Promises.........Something I don't very often make.......I made one to my wife, that I have kept for 27 years!!! There were a few over the years that I was not in a position to keep.......They still bother me when I think about them, but life can be a bitch.....:(

J R

 

[Sarg]

Well, it ain't my fault, this world was broken when I got here!

Sarg

 

[vikingr24]

I remember when my first wife, after a long silence after the divorce, wrote me a letter saying how sorry she was and to forgive her. She said she knew what she did, and just plain asked forgiveness.

My list of her misgivings is probably a lot longer than her own. But I was always accused of being angry all the time, and PTSD was the blame. I even believed most of it, until I finally found a good therapist who told me "you are out of the anger stage. Have been for a long time." See the great weight come off my shoulders? And then I thought of how many times I had been yelled at, scolded, ignored, stared at. They were like punches that I took the blame for.

Let her God forgive her. Mine is still working on me.

 

[Sludge]

I hate admitting that sometimes it really is the best course of action to remain silent, withdraw a bit and let things blow over. With apologies being so generalized these days, they are worth about as much as the gesture of holding a door open for a woman, or tipping your hat. (Yes I wear hats and roll old school. None of that hipster five dollar fedora shit either...)

It really is a helluva conundrum.

Do I waste my energy on doing what I was raised to believe as polite and proper, or do I catch up with the times and behave like a spoiled little prick?
I say neither. I hole up in my basement "bunker" with the pugs with the F#ck it! attitude. Can barely fix myself, why try to fix everything else?
Then I go and spend my days helping other folks now. Rather be a hypocrite than the mopey bastard I used to be.

Besides, grouchy bastard is more fun. (Hence the Spider Jerusalem avatar instead of my Po-dog avatar.)

So to make a long story short, apologies only go so far and most of the time they are wasted effort. Better to keep on course and deal with incoming as it presents on a case by case basis.