Is this dissociation?

[MrMoonlight]

Several years ago I woke in the early AM and found myself in a beautiful warm world full of color and beauty. I jealously remember this day as I recall thinking “maybe this is how normal people feel”. It’s not a familiar place but I knew I wanted it every day if I could. I cherished that memory for years unable to return.

I stopped a bunch of medications last year in favor of medical marijuana. A few months in I relived a moment from that morning and was absolutely thrilled. I couldn’t always get there but if the stars aligned and the wind was just so I may find myself for a brief moment, in that place.

I found this community and started reading about grounding thinking it was just a way to escape a runaway brain. What I found was an off-ramp to that beautiful morning.

From my short description can someone tell me if this state of being is considered Dissociation? Not the off-ramp but the freeway.

 

[420kitty]

Could it be that you were happy and forgot how that felt?

 

[MrMoonlight]

I guess it could be happiness..not sure...It seem slike I can with intention or mindfulness...by looking at things around me and really connecting the warmth comes back to the room. I'm probably making no sense..

 

[Keen]

Several years ago I woke in the early AM and found myself in a beautiful warm world full of color and bea...

It doesn't sound like any of my experiences with dissociation.
It could be vivid daydreaming.
It could be hallucination (everyone gets these at times, I've read, and they're not all bad).

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I don't know. I was disassociated for about 5 days after a bad trigger. Just not fully present. Then one morning I woke up in the present and felt completely present and in today's world. So maybe the warmth is the here and now!

 

[MrMoonlight]

So maybe the warmth is the here and now!

that is kinda what I'm thinking Cat. It's kinda freaking me out because if what I'm experiencing is disassociation or whatever then my life has been lived there for a very long time.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

that is kinda what I'm thinking Cat. It's kinda freaking me out because if what I'm experiencing is disas...

Well, I wouldn't worry about what your life has been. Maybe you are getting strong enough to live in the present!

 

[Keen]

that is kinda what I'm thinking Cat. It's kinda freaking me out because if what I'm experiencing is disas...

I think I misunderstood your first question. So you think you've been dissociating EXCEPT when you experience that "beautiful warm world"? That makes sense. I have been in dissociated states for years at a time. Like @TexCat has said, the past can't be changed, but with your new awareness you can work on learning to be present now and in the future. It takes work, but its possible.

 

[MrMoonlight]

Thank you Cat and kassie...thanks for being there for me, no matter what this is...I don't want to be rude but I need to get out of this place right now...this is a bit much right now,

 

[Jennafer Lei]

Several years ago I woke in the early AM and found myself in a beautiful warm world full of color and bea...

I am hopeful that what you are describing is grounding and disassociating respectively.

Two nights ago after a good support group meeting and now 5 sessions in with a very validating therapist, I could see in full light and colour and detail the road as I drove thru night time construction. It was beautiful. I loved it. It reminds me of what I remember seeing as a child at points or in strange 'wake' moments I recall from high school.

I hope you are right because sounds like my stuff and I want that place also and am hopeful the grounding is helping.

 

[Martin Johannsen]

Several years ago I woke in the early AM and found myself in a beautiful warm world full of color and bea...

I feel that sometimes BRIEFLY I think when I am asleep but cannot get there during waking hours

Does that mean that I will never be happy when I am awake???????

 

[Parley]

When i started therapy~ i was triggered into an “adverse reaction” during my second session. I spent days asking my husband if that’s what it felt like ot have peace of mind. I felt awesome and thought my therapist worked wonders but then i started to recall my session and realized she failed me. Granted i didn’t wake up strapped to a gurney but she was so concerned with being in control and making me explain my comment she didn’t realize i was stepping out until it was too late. I don’t know if it was the dissociation, the seizure, or something else that happened in that session but feeling GOOD was my experience as well. Now when I get light headed I work getting busy and out of my head space.