I just shocked my therapist and feel horrible.

[EmmyC]

We were trying to uncover the trauma in my life which revolved around poor medical treatment that left me nearly dead. As I was talking, I noticed him pulling up my medical history and what I said basically colided with what was on file and he was just shocked at the incompetance of nurses and doctors and the amount of discimination I had suffered. He didn't want to say anything but I saw his body talking and his eyes widdening and he started fidgeting and his entire body language changed, now i feel extremely bad and guilty to have put this on him. I think it touched him personally because he had a history as a doctor himself. Now it's the day after and I keep reliving this traumatic moment and the counseling I had yesterday.

 

[Esterio]

Hi there EmmyC welcome to this forum.
This is a good place to come and share. I am sorry for what you have been going through with medical care. I think it is very common for us to have trouble. I had to shock my doctor to reality last week now I hope he starts to help me get the help I need. I hope you feel welcome here and are able to talk to people here it will help you out.
Peace be safe, Again welcome

 

[EmmyC]

Hi there EmmyC welcome to this forum.
This is a good place to come and share. I am sorry for what you...

Thank you very much! He is the one who reffered me to look for a good forum for ptsd since I felt very lonely into my emotions. It was very hard for me to seak help, waited 11 years. Shake that doctor up Esterio, they are only human like us. Hope you get the help you need

 

[Supervixn]

I'm sorry. But his reaction is one of pure *empathy* for you. What you went through must've been awful. But the good part of it is that you have someone who understands and deeply empathizes with what you went through...and he can and is committed to helping you through it!

This is his job. He has to know about and interpret your trauma through you. Try your best not to burden yourself with his response. We as good humans don't want to see others suffer. Try some grounding techniques and remain present... good luck to you

 

[Esterio]

I never said anything about any of this until I was mid 40's I wasted my life. I have been told it is never to late to heal. I think I scared him I have some bad anger issues. He has promised to change our relationship. It took me several months to go to him after my therapy fell apart. I now have an appointment every 2 weeks and a promise to look after me. I am hopeful I will get the help I need and deserve.
Peace be safe

 

[EmmyC]

I'm sorry. But his reaction is one of pure *empathy* for you. What you went through must've been aw...

You are right, maybe I am just not used to seeing empathy or didn't expect it from someone of medical background. Grounding myself is a good idea. Thank you for the reminder.

I never said anything about any of this until I was mid 40's I wasted my life. I have been told it is n...

That is something I just learned too. We all deserve help and love.

 

[Muted]

We were trying to uncover the trauma in my life which revolved around poor medical treatment that left me...

Initially when I read this I think... first, that must feel quite validating and second this is someone who can not only understand, but truly help you.

His own issues can help him understand, but you're not responsible for his emotions that come up in regards to his own past history. He has to be able to utilize his experience and understanding to help you without bringing his own emotions into it, because this creates an unhealthy relationship. You taking on this responsibility for his feelings, discomfort, etc... shows he needs to work through his own experience or do a better job at containing it so he can better help you.

Just so I am understanding, what do you mean by traumatic moment?

 

[EmmyC]

Initially when I read this I think... first, that must feel quite validating and second this is someone w...

Just having flash backs from the trauma event. And thinking of how I was getting them when I was talking to him. Opening up is triggering I guess

 

[GWhizz]

That moment of initial disclosure is difficult and emotionally provoking. And the immediate aftermath when you've walked away and are trying to sit with it and just process it alone, almost harder. For me, it made my trauma real. I mean, with it securely controlled within myself, I could live life with a mask most of the time. When I shared,it was no longer help stuffed down deeply inside like a story or movie. It really happened and someone else was acknowledging it. And giving it the emotional recognition it appropriately deserved. You deserve to have him validate that what happened to you is shocking. I feared my T wouldn't believe what I'd been through. Instead, she so aptly said that it was unbelievable that it had happened.

*held not help