Question for ptsd suffererers: sudden break up

[Nessa7]

It's highly unlikely that she's going to snap out of it. She is likely going to always deal with emotional numbness to some extent. That's part of PTSD. It also won't be like her brain has stepped back in time to before your breakup. There's always going to be a chance that someone decides to give a relationship a second chance after a break-up. Everything that led to your breakup is still going to be there needing to be dealt with.

 

[rickyduds]

It's highly unlikely that she's going to snap out of it. She is likely going to always deal with emotio...

Thank you for the honesty Nessa. So if she's completely numb to me, and she's not going to "snap out of the amnesia," then you're basically saying there's no chance, right? If she didn't have this condition, then if there was a chance, she'd start missing me and feelings would come back. However, from my understanding, because of this numbness, there's no way that will happen to her. I'm sorry I'm so naive with this.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

I'm just as naive as you are rickyduds. It's as if there's absolutely no hope and still there may be hope. I'm sitting here trying to deal with my break up as well, thinking about what happened. What did I say or do to cause such an abrupt disconnect? I noticed small signs about a week prior to, but I guess I chalked it up to fatigue from school work. I never thought that certain statements or questions would lead to this. Now I'm told that we're incompatible which makes no sense. We were compatible when we met and for seven months. I'm filled with a lot of sadness and frustration at this point and although I dream of the day when we can reconcile (if that happens) I'm not sure of how to behave or what I can say or not.

 

[Nessa7]

Some feelings might come back, but it won't be the same as they were before. If you are hoping for the same relationship, you will be setting yourself up for disappointment. Even if she decides to reach out to you to date again, you might still be starting from almost the beginning.

Have you read through this thread: Love and Emotional Availability
I think it has a lot of really helpful stuff for getting a better understanding of what your girlfriend's day-to-day emotional experience is like.

 

[rickyduds]

Some feelings might come back, but it won't be the same as they were before. If you are hoping for the...

So do those feelings come back naturally? I'm conflicted on whether to give her a month of space, or send her a rose and a message with something like "I know you're emotionally numb, and that's okay. I want you to know I'm here for you. And that I still love you, and think we can work this out."

 

[EveHarrington]

Dont send her flowers. Just don't.

I think the only chance you really have, based on my experience, is when both partners are putting in effort. Even non PTSD relationships take a LOT of effort. You're getting zero effort on her part. She's not putting in the effort, most likely because she can't.

My past is peppered with honeymoon relationships. I never cared to fight beyond the honeymoon period. It was just how things were.

 

[Nessa7]

I'm also voting no on the rose. Your relationship ended partially because you were pushing her to express emotions that she wasn't feeling. A romantic gesture might be interpreted as trying to pressure her further.

 

[joeylittle]

Inknow her feelings are there, we had the most romantic 6 months of anybody I've ever met

It's been said, but I'm going to say it again.

You know nothing about how she feels now. No matter how happy you were. You clearly were in what felt like a great relationship. And she clearly was not, in the last 3 weeks at least.

I see you making the classic mistake of wanting to think that her mental health is the reason.

How about, she just doesn't want to be with you?

She says that her feelings changed and she doesn't think she's going to change her mind. I can't imagine going from the "love of her life" to having no feelings so quickly

It's not "no feelings". It's "feelings changed". Do not confuse numb with disinterest.

My advice is to move forward and leave this behind. You are clinging to a ghost, while there really is a world of people you could get back out into.

 

[Friday]

It's as if there's absolutely no hope and still there may be hope.

That's because :

- No one here can say if anyone who broke up with you is going to come back.
- No one here can say what anyone else is thinking or feeling, then or now.
- No one here can predict how anyone else is going to react.

People with PTSD are still people. We share a disorder, not a personality.

Sharing our own experiences, with PTSD or dating, is just that. As sufferers or supporters. It won't tell you what anyone else is thinking, feeling, or going to do.

 

[rickyduds]

Guys, thank you so much for the information and support. I spoke to her and got closure, it's over, and I finally feel at peace. She's sticking to her story that something "snapped" during our fighting over intimacy, and she no longer felt the same way. I'm going to wonder if she was just lying to spare my feelings that she loved me up until then, or if she's telling the truth, or if she's telling the truth and PTSD made her run. But that's something I'll have to live with.

I have one final question about numbness: I had the conception that it only applied to her feelings towards me, but it occurred to me that you might be talking about total emotional numbness in general. As in, you don't feel happy, sad, or anything else. When you say you can get "numb," does that mean all feelings? Or, in the case I've been talking about, is it only numbness of intimate feelings towards me and our relationship?

 

[Sideways]

She hasn't said "I'm numb".

She's told you that she doesn't love you anymore.

 

[rickyduds]

She hasn't said "I'm numb".

She's told you that she doesn't love you anymore.

She's said she's not numb, that she's happy. I'm wondering if I misunderstood what numbness means - if she's happy, could her feelings have suddenly vanished after fighting due to numbness towards me and our relationship alone? Or is numbness a general thing.