Very depressed

[hermione]

I am very depressed and just at a loss . My therapist said if I don't maintain my weight ( anorexic tooo) I have to go to a higher level of care also she would choose long term trauma treatment and then not be my therapist anymore she said she would refer me out this made me more depressed... I should want to motivate get my weight up to prevent losing everything I have but I am depressed I am suicidal I feel I should admit it to my team and I have a plan idk if I would do it but I should probably tell them I would probably end up in a psych ward I am just not sure anymore.

 

[Muted]

If you're willing to try to deal it (ed) . But gaining weight can make depression worse. Rather than telling your team can you have an agreement with your t?

 

[Dying inside]

if I'm interpreting what you're saying correctly it kinda sounds like ur t is giving u an ultimatum or threatening to no longer treat u which would depress me big time!! Depression sucks big time share how your feeling with your team. I've been in the psych ward twice, it sucks but it did save me from myself.

 

[joeylittle]

I am depressed I am suicidal I feel I should admit it to my team and I have a plan idk if I would do it but I should probably tell them I would probably end up in a psych ward I am just not sure anymore.

I'm sorry to read how much you are struggling. When do you next see someone from your team?

 

[EveHarrington]

Why not be proactive and go into treatment now?

 

[hermione]

If I go into treatment now unless it's short term and safety my therapist will stop seeing me. I saw my therapist today and it was actually a great session and I feel differently about things and she acknowledged important things and what I want to keep in life and what I would lose. It was also how I don't know normal I had an abnormal childhood and then was just in therapy for years and she is not sure if I am depressed or just sad like clinically depressed or just sad and I have to feel it and not use my negative coping mechanisms she doesn't want to focus on food but still said eat because my weight is too low and I am boney..

 

[Muted]

Is she using this as a threat to instill a fear of abandoning you? If she is then it sounds like a manipulative tactic to make the suicidal ideation problem go away or be silenced and also force you to gain weight. Maybe she isn't qualified to help you? Do you feel like your therapist hears you and understands you?

 

[hermione]

Oh I love my therapist and she very much acknowledged my feelings today and I feel much better after seeing her she knows what she is doing when it comes to me. She very much heard me out and she is changing tactics of how to get me out of what I am in she said I have every right to be sad and she does care about me and wants what is best for me and I trust her and honestly after today's session I feel better truthfully no manipulation I don't think that is what she was doing it is actually motivating to me in a way because our relationship means a lot to me we have been through a lot and she has gone above and beyond all the time for me. Extra time, phone calls, texts etc. she is really great I think I painted a bad picture but she is wonderful has helped me get my job I have now and helped me move out on my own she has done a lot.

 

[Muted]

That's awesome, I think having the right T can make all of the difference in the world. I wonder if it would help you deal with some of the current challenges if you could meet with her more often. For me hospitalization doesn't work, but meeting with my t more often helps.

 

[EveHarrington]

If I go into treatment now unless it's short term and safety my therapist will stop seeing me. I saw m...

WTF?

What kind of therapist cuts you loose when you go into treatment? IMHO that's a bunch of crap based on the fact that my research into treatment shows that MOST treatment places require you to have a therapist so you can have guaranteed ongoing care once you're discharged. Why would your therapist let you go? If she insists this is her policy, cut her loose anyway as you can't count on her IMHO.

 

[hermione]

I have been able to count on her for everything and yesterday was a great session. If I go inpatient she said I will probably have to move home with my parents and she feels it wil keep me sick and in my eating disorder and she doesn't work with people who want to stay sick it's better now anyway our session was great and made a lot of sense to me I think I have made it look wrong it hurts she would leave and I don't get it she just feels it would mean what we are doing is not working after 10 years. She is sort of changing tactics in my treatment too and I am hoping that makes a difference she had a long talk with my psychiatrist. My therapist is unconventional and that is what works for me.