My t is taking a sabbatical and i'm devastated!

[UnicornSightings]

I just received an email from her. Haven't seen her in a few weeks as I went on a trip and she was sick and now I am. Starting in November. For 6-9 months. Or maybe more, who knows. Omg. I have crazy maternal transference/attachment so I'm not ok.

Please, please, please can I just have your support and love? I know you guys must know how much this hurts.

 

[gealach]

I'm so sorry you're losing your T. Is she helping you find another while she's away? :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Ask her for referrals and recomendations to assist you. I am sorry this has happened to you. It is difficult to change midstream I know because I have done it myself several times. It can be done, try to use your gut instincts to choose if you are able to do that. I wish you good luck and it is okay to grieve this loss for as long as you need.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I never thought this would happen. I mean, obviously it was a possibility but even though this was/is my worst fear I never thought she'd be the one to leave. I don't want anyone else. What the hell is the point of anyone else?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am sorry, I just assumed that you would want to continue your therapy to help you to be able to live a better life. I am sorry that this is such a shock to you, right now.

 

[EveHarrington]

The point of someone else?

To continue healing.

Maybe you won't develop such a deep and unhealthy attachment to the next one?

I think many go looking for a therapist who will fulfill some sort of void. This is destined to be a disaster. I'm still clueless as to why therapists encourage this. I blame schools of psychological thought-----they have no clue what it's like to be attachment disordered and spout out nonsense ways that we are supposed to heal.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I am sorry, I just assumed that you would want to continue your therapy to help you to be able to live a b...

No way. It would just lead to another ending like this. No way will this ever happen again. This is ridiculously painful.

The point of someone else?

To continue healing.

Maybe you won't develop such a deep and unheal...

My t didn't encourage it. And I don't even know what it takes to heal. They don't exactly give you an instruction book on how that's supposed to happen. And clearly with how I'm feeling now I'm not in a better state than when I started. This just sucks. I never wanted to care about her in the freaken first place.

 

[Joan]

I am sorry this is happening, but sometimes a new perspective is just what we need even when it definitely does not feel like or even possible. I am not minimizing your current pain and loss...many of us have been there. It is easy when we are in distress and learn to trust and pour out our hearts to this person to get unhealthy attachment and have unhealthy beliefs that this is the only person that can help me, if they leave me...everyone will, it will be a repeat of leaving me and so on and so on....the is what our brain does. try not to get caught in that vicious loop. Don't let her needing to take a sabbatical make you quit working on yourself.

 

[expectingbetter]

Isn't she getting back in 6-9 months?
That is not forever.
Could you continue with her then?

My T has something like that every year for 3 months, it's painful, but we manage to go through.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I'm feeling a bit better. Have done a lot of thinking and feeling. A lot of seeing how this is exactly like how I felt as a kid when my mom would want to die and would tell me so and I'd beg her not to. Beg her to stay. Pray for her to still be alive in the morning. Night after night after night until all my feelings went numb. And it all came back last night. The memories we're richer and more real and so painful. And I see how my therapist leaving is the greatest gift she could give me. To make me feel these things. I would never choose to go. Her leaving was/is my very worst fear. And I GET to feel this. I get to feel all of it. I didn't numb myself last night. I watched my feelings. How they came and went and changed in intensity. How my thoughts evolved. How I felt helpless and then more sure and then weak again. How I felt when I woke, sleep being a needed break from all that sadness. How I felt more pain when she said no when I asked if I could email some of my feelings. How some anger came and how I wanted it to be big anger so it would take over the pain and I'd feel more in control. But it stayed small and went away. I'm fully allowing the hurt. I know it won't stay for forever. I have a talkspace therapist that has been helping me through this and will check on me over the weekend even though she only works m-f. I thought about never going back to seeing my therapist. But I've grown and I want to talk about this with her. I want to feel this there. I want to talk about our journey together and what will happen after and thank her and be sad there. I want to wish for her good things and I want her to wish good things for me. I want to have a hard and painful goodbye because that means we had something really important and meaningful. This is so difficult because it's so new and I'm not hiding from it. It will prepare me for future heartbreak and will show me how strong I am. I feel so weak and strong at the same time right now. I feel so proud of how I'm handling this. How my thoughts and feelings are evolving. And part of me wants to fast forward til it doesn't hurt anymore but that would be such a waste. I get to fully be here in each moment. And they truly are good moments. Just because they're painful doesn't make them bad.

 

[Justmehere]

Exactly.

I had a therapist tell me she was going to move away and it was very painful, in a way I did not expect.

I followed the process out. For us, it was a permanent goodbye. I didn't think I could do it. It stirred up deep feelings from childhood. I walked through it anyhow, and the goodbye was hard, but it actually helped me feel more whole, not less whole like in the past.

With your therapist, it seems clear she waned to be there for you, got sick, and now something has come up and she can't continue for a little while.

The more than you can honor the childhood feelings that have come up and hang on to your clear adult perspective that yes, you get to feel this now, and it can actually be a step towards healing from the past, then you will not only get through this, I think you will be able to move on to the next stage in your healing all the better and relationships in general can improve.

This is heartbreaking stuff to go through, keep up the good work! :hug:

 

[UnicornSightings]

Exactly.

I had a therapist tell me she was going to move away and it was very painful, in a way I...

I really appreciate your comment. Thank you! You know, I've been great at finding ways to avoid feeling. When I allow it it feels like what I'm going through is way worse than what anyone else could experience. Do you think that's a common thought? Or do people generally know their pain isn't even remotely unique?