High functioning with ptsd/cptsd

[Chiqui]

@JadesJewel , your post has helped me already soooo much!! I can't tell with words, but my gratittude goes far far away :hug:
Thanks :)

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@JadesJewel , your post has helped me already soooo much!! I can't tell with words, but my gratittude goes far far away :hug:
Thanks :)

Beyond words...grateful that you shared this with me...so want to inspire others the way forum members/friends have inspired me and continue to inspire me! Thanks!

 

[Chiqui]

@JadesJewel , this is what I already have done. I have made a list of points from your text, around 20, which some of them II have to stop doing and others, I better start to do them soon. They are already on my art journal, between my drawings.The emotional stimuli has been such that I have slept for two hours :rolleyes: I feel I have done a «map» with these ideas and thoughts that truly resonates and talk to «me» .So now, I feel content, with possibilities ahead of a better life for me. I just need now walk the talk :inlove: Loads of thanks for your honesty and openess :hug:

 

[intothelight]

I think about functioning and the various definitions and how I have or not have functioned over the course of my life. At this point, I am far better at functioning in all areas of my life. There are times I am extremely high functioning and I have stretches of non function (illness), but for the most part, I go through each day fairly balanced and I handle the curve balls that life throws at me pretty well.

I have many "befores", before marriage, before the marriage became abusive, after the divorce, new marriage, after the PTSD diagnosis, and after the cancer diagnosis. I've had to take the "best" parts of me from each of these times, because there were some really good parts and mold them into the person and the life that I have today. If I compare too much to a certain "before" then I can be really hard on myself on my level of functioning.

I love @Friday suggestion of setting up what I would view as "safety nets" as that is the hardest part of waking up each day not quite sure how my body is going to function and the worse the physical, the more fragile the psychological. Something to incorporate so none of the balls get dropped. There is also a lot of really good dialog here about just being focused on more being rather than doing. Intrinsic value rather than material.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Ok, so I am not high functioning, but I feel good anyway. I am so much better than I used to be, that I am happy a lot of the time. I guess that's not high-functioning to a non PTSD person, but I am so much better!

 

[WesternSky]

I would like to see more written about high-functioning PTSD. I was diagnosed almost nine years ago. The first few years were a nightmare but I've spent a long time in therapy, on meds, working with it, and I'm at the point now where I essentially function normally, not just in public. Then I start questioning myself. I've heard it said here many times that PTSD isn't curable, just treatable, so what if the therapist was wrong? What if, because I am now living a normal life pretty much symptom-free, it was never there to begin with? I wrestle with this often. I go months, sometimes a year or more, without a problem.
And yet, just today, I was triggered by a conversation. So it leaves me very confused about where I stand. I don't feel qualified to be with other PTSD sufferers who are in the midst of hell. Sometimes I don't even feel I deserve to say I'm someone who has suffered PTSD because I'm not actively experiencing symptoms anymore. I have a hard time finding somebody who relates to this. It took so long for people to take my diagnosis seriously, and now that they finally did, I've reached a point beyond what they're expecting me to be at. I feel like a fraud.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@WesternSky I too don’t have many symptoms, until something triggers it. Like today when the dr asked me to take my pants off. I froze for a bit. He also gave me a script for Lorazepam when I was getting ready to leave... For the most part I’m good, but like you, it hits....

 

[Friday]

@WesternSky

I had a little over/under 10 VERY good years. I've written about it elsewhere, but thought I had PTSD, past tense. Used to be one of those annoying people who had no problem saying so; had a perky little case of PTSD back when, but not anymore! I was highly functional in every definition of the word, and virtually asymptomatic. Sure, I had a run of insomnia every fall, and the occasional nightmare or panic attack, but big whoop. What I didn't know was that I wasn't cured, I didn't even know what PTSD really was or meant beyond nightmares & panic attacks... I was just exceptional at managing my life & stress... So I was dealing with symptoms before they could manifest. Most of the time. And the few times shit broke through? No biggie. Been here, done this, ride it out for a few hours or few days and voila! Back to normal life. I had noooooo idea that I'd built a life around managing this bullshit... Until that changed. A few big stressors, some new trauma, and my systematically dismantling every coping mechanism I'd build into my life? Brought me right back to the nightmare years. It took the perfect storm of :wtf: to do it, but I did it. :banghead:

It took me a couple of years to parse what had happened, and a couple more to seriously break down everything I used to do that helped & got me or kept me stable. And I've been trying to rebuild those things into my life, for the past couple years. It's a lot harder doing so on purpose, than on accident, come to find. Also trying to do new things. It's a hard go.

One thig to keep in mind about treatable vs curable? The GOAL with treatment is to get to the point where a person is no longer diagnosable. Not everyone gets there, but most people do. I've learned to consider PTSD a lot like diabetes or asthma. Just because someone has their diabetes so well managed that they're symptom free? Doesn't mean that they don't still have diabetes. If they stop taking their insulin or minding their diet/lifestyle... All those symptoms are going to come crashing back down on them. Ditto, sometimes life just happens, and no matter how well they're minding their insulin/diet/lifestyle something can change (illness, injury, etc.) and they have to completely change what they are doing now, in order to meet new challenges... Or their symptoms come crashing back down on them. And sometimes? Just because it's Tuesday? Bam! Sugar crash, and ...symptoms crash down on them. Being asymptomatic, or being highly functional (or -best!- both) doesn't mean it's gone. It means it's managed. And that's a GOOD thing. A very, very good thing. But shit is going to come up from time to time. Just is. And continuing to deal with it as it does? ALSO a very very good thing.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I really like the diabetes reference. I used to take insulin 4 times a day, 2 different kinds, and 2 different pills. So I worked on it. My diabetes is under control and I take one pill now. My sugars are normal. Am I cured? No. I eat a lower carb diet and exercise. Same with PTSD. I'm better, but I have to be even more careful with that. I have coping mechanisms for that too, and I keep it in check for the most part. My stress has to be very low or my symptoms come back, but to me, high functioning means being happy doing what you are doing, and not allowing your PTSD to rule you.

 

[Beans]

Ok, so I am not high functioning, but I feel good anyway. I am so much better than I used to be, tha...

I'm so right there atm. Definitely not high functioning yet, but happier that I've ever been. And of course, now that I'm in a better place internally, my external functioning is slowly but surely increasing.

 

[BM2A]

Reading this about high functioning, I realise how hard I am on myself. I go to work, I be sociable, I'm a good parent. And yet I have a flashback freak out, then feel stupid and frustrated I cant control it. But I carry on because I have to. I get away with going 'missing' for an hour at work. I'm a master of disguise. But I can see how maybe I'm a bit too hard on myself and expect too much sometimes..

 

[EveHarrington]

I would like to see more written about high-functioning PTSD. I was diagnosed almost nine years ago....

Those people were here but have left. Once people are functional they move on and don't need so much support from a site like this. Just explaining why the high functioning people are less in quantity here than in general. I know that personally as I become more functional I post less. I have flares and post more then, but overall have become less dependent upon support here.