Childhood Are my childhood sexual abuse memories real?

[MoonGoddessHeart]

I have heard of the notion of false memories. Are false memories real?

I always thought I might have been sexually abused as a child after I developed PTSD for two sexual assaults that happened at ages 18 and 19. When I developed PTSD, I started doing EMDR. One day during a flashback, I got an image of my neighbors game closet. Then I experienced a complete panic attack. Over the course of three months, the images have gotten more vivid and more vivid and they showcase my sexual abuse/ rape as a child.

Are these memories real? Am I losing my mind? I don't believe they were suggested as I can feel them very vividly and see them. I don't know a lot of context behind the flashbacks because they're fragmented but they're starting to become more fluid streams of memory. Where before, I only got pieces and now...

The thing is I remember the closet and the man in me in the closet. However, the memories of the abuse are all very new.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I have heard of the notion of false memories. Are false memories real?...

Because you had an established memory connected ("man in you in closet") I would guess the memories that are coming up are real. If not, my whole ptsd mess would have no truth. I had a long term established memory that I was raped, but for some reason didn't think it was a big deal, but stored that one part in the back of my mind. Now through ptsd flashbacks and also emdr, I realize it was a big deal and affected so many aspects of my life, behavior, negative self thoughts, choices and beliefs. I still have some trouble trusting in all of my "memories" that have bubbled up. Some seem so horrible I can't imagine that I wouldn't have remembered it, but as my T says, the brain has its own reactions to trauma and you have no control in that.

I am sorry that stuff happened to you and I wish you the best in your healing.

 

[MoonGoddessHeart]

See... I always had the memory of the man coming into the closet but I completely repressed the other stuff. Everything... All of the abuse. I remember when I had the flashback... I was like woah, I haven't remembered this in a really, really long time.

 

[EveHarrington]

Minds don't make up the memories in flashbacks. At least in my experience and from everything I've read.

 

[MoonGoddessHeart]

@EveHarrington After my last trigger, I got what I would consider to be violent and completely emotional. I ended up in the hospital. It was absolutely terrible. Afterwards, I tried breaking up with my boyfriend because I couldn't handle the stress. Looking back on it... It is sad because we've had to endure so much and sometimes I just want some emotional freedom from the out of control feelings and guilt I experience after a trigger. It is the most insane thing I've ever had to go through. I broke up with my boyfriend today and told him he was free. Do you think he is going to try and be in my life? Is it even worth it?

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you want him in your life?

He could be a great source of support to you.

Relationships bring stress, so if you decide to be with him, I hope he is understanding when you need your space.

I think it's worth reaching out to him and explaining what's going on with you.

:hug: