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Relationship My vet vanished

  • Post starter Post starter Help2cope
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Help2cope

2 weeks ago my 6 year army veteran boyfriend pulled a vanishing act. We live together and he recently has been going to the VA for counseling. Just before he left he told a good friend of his that he was so happy with me and he just needed to continue therapy. Two Friday's ago an army buddy of his bought him a plane ticket to Denver. On day 2 I had an accident and when he learned that I was in the hospital he literally dissapeared. He went from your the sweetest girl I know to ghosting. Fast forward 2 weeks I haven't heard a thing. We were due to move into a new place tomorrow and he's still gone with no contact. I reached out to the friend he ment and treated me like I was some insignificant girl who couldn't take a hint about a breakup. My SO belongings - gun, laptop, sports memo. Everything is here in our house. 4 days into not hearing from him I found out he had never bought a return flight. When he left he stocked the fridge with food and gave me a loving goodbye, said he'd miss me and couldn't wait to get home. I have pretty severe abandonment issues from my childhood and we regularly discuss my fears of him leaving one day and not coming back without notice. He always hugs me and tells me he would never do that to me, I am the one for him. Then boom. I found out a few days ago he showed up at his parents house in Atlanta, he did not let on to anything that had gone on and apparently they didn't even know he had a girlfriend, much less a live in one. He recently turned 30 and was experiencing some heightened feelings of self loathing and inadequacy. Still - he dissapeared without a word, made me out to be nothing in his life to his friend, went on a bender and never came home. I am left here to pack up his things and surrender his gun. He has never done anything close to this before. I gave him shit the first two days he ignored me I honestly think he had me blocked and didn't even see it. My hopes he will pop up to our home and explain have dwindled and turned into depressing, stressful, sadness. It's so hard for me to face that this is unforgivable and to get over it knowing I'll never have an answer. We literally discussed getting married the day before he left and he told me he'd do anything in the world to make it work between us forever.
 
Ouch! That's terrible. So sorry this happened to you!

Be prepared though because eventually he will probably contact you again. You need to decide how you will handle it when he does. Personally I'd block his calls, texts and emails. But that's just me.

Again, sorry you're going through this.
Best of luck to you!
 
Oh god ... Lol so everyone literally just thinks he sucks. Well he sucks and yes this was so messed up. We've been together going on 2 years and nothing even close to this has happened. I was just going to ship his stuff to his parents in Atlanta and go ahead and move. But now does he even deserve that after what he did to me? The only thing I can think that is the reason he did this is because when he began ignoring me I texted his friend that he needed to call me and what could be more important at a bar in Denver? I ended the text with if he wants to ignore me while I'm in the hosp than tell him never to talk to me again. Juvenile I know - I was alone in the hosp for like 5 hrs at this point with no call. Clearly that message was enough for him to just straight ditch me and all his shit.
 
I think you missed red flags and I think it would be a good idea for you to perhaps learn how to recognize red flags.

A huge red flag to me is that you had a six year relationship but you were never integrated into his life. You never met his parents. A guy who wants you to be in his life isn't going to hide you from any part of his life. Not his friends, not his co-workers, and not his family.

Follow actions. Words are cheap.
 
Ok, my apologies. I still think that it's odd to not know family after that much time. Maybe that...
It's okay .. His fam lives in another state and he only visits 1x per year - thanksgiving we were suppose to go.
 
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