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Hello Crazy Diamond. Well, 53 sentences, 15 of which are actually questions, and out of that a boat load of insults hurled at us.
I suppose Anthony may very well chastise me for what I have and will say. Much of what he and others have said I will repeat- paragraphs help a lot. You see,I understand what it's like when it seems that no one cares. BTDT. But do not attack your allies.
Nope, we are trauma survivors and many of us see a wall of text and move on to the next post, others read but struggle to reply. I only reply to about 1/10 of post I read hear. Many times I want to reply, but don't feel capable of stringing to words together to form a sentence. I often like threads to at least let the OP know I read and care.
We are petty inclined to believe your story because we are all familiar with the dark side of life. I doubt that anyone thought you were making it up.
No, no not really. But I do feel horrible for you that you were a victim of it. What would it be like to have the kind of innocence it would take to be shocked by it? I wish I knew.
This is not an ok statement to make. Especially on a forum for people with a disorder where fear is a symptom. For the record though, I don't compare, nor does the rest of the folks here, unless you are one of those type who claim they got PTSD from catching their partner watching porn, and then I just get pissed off. Because really? if that is the worst thing that has ever happened to you then tell me where to sign up for that kind of life! For the record, there have been members here who have committed suicide so if you want to talk about who is worse of than who.. you are still alive and have a chance at healing.
No, none of us can be your rock. Hell, even the supporters who haven't suffered trauma struggle to be that for the sufferer in their life. Sometimes we can be a source of comfort and support, but but you can't go attacking us when we are unable to be. The people on this forum have been amazing to me in times I didn't expect it, and I am often amazed by the support I have received here, but just like anyone else there are time I come on needing support and the forum is dead or people aren't in a place where they can be supportive and sometimes I find the best support comes from supporting someone else. Being in the midst of a panic attack and talking someone else down from one is pretty dang helpful in bringing yourself out of it too.
So know matter how harsh I have sounded, I think you need to take your own advice, because even though your post was lashing out and hurtful to members here, we also know it was coming from a place of pain. A place we we do get and understand. The stories and experiences may be different but the pain? Trust me, we understand the pain.
@anthony I have a question about page views. Non members contribute to page views too right? So there is a likely chance that of those 100 views only a percentage of those were members right?
As one of the hundred and something that read the post you're referring to.
I didn't reply to that thread, nor do I think I will.
Here's the honest truth as to why.
I have no idea what to say.
I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes. I've never experienced anything remotely like that.
I believe you. There's no reason for me not too.
I don't like to tell people here that I feel sorry for them. I don't think it's helpful. I don't think it's harmful either, as lots of people here do like to say that. All the power to them.
I don't want to. So I don't.
Yes, it was a tad hard to read. You had alot to say. I am not blaming you for anything, but long walls of text are hard for alot of people (including myself) to scale.
It's not blame, or an excuse, it's just the way it is.
I get that you are upset, so I won't hold any of the lashing out in this thread against you. Though if you choose to return to the forum and post again, I would suggest a better strategy for venting frustration. Just as in the real world, people don't respond well to being told off.
If you have large amounts of information about a topic, one of the tools available for writing here is the...
Spoiler function. This is great for when you need to be long winded about something. Or if you want to tell an off topic story, joke, technical explanation or detail you fear people's stomachs may not be fond of or whatever else.
...While still keeping the post short and less intimidating to those of us with short attention spans.
As has been said a couple of times already. Be sure to outline clearly what sort of responses you're looking for. It makes a big difference. People here generally listen and will try to accommodate you when possible.
I hope if you read the responses from other people and myself, you can find something useful in it.
As that's really all most of us want, even if it is from silence.
I'm new here. I've responded to a few posts but haven't started one myself just out of fear that no one would respond. So, I understand your frustration. After years of trying to make people understand and/or at least sympathize I have given up. I won't retell any part of my story again. I refuse to see a therapist again because I'm NOT going to talk about it and get all kinds of advice that I don't want and have to relive some very AWFUL things all over again. I know it won't go away and never will. And like you, what happened to me is pretty unbelievable. A couple of people even had me doubting my own memories. Oh!!! Is that why I keep having flashbacks of the same thing over and over again. And horrible nightmares. I can't give you any good advice. I wish I could. I haven't given up on myself but I have given up on everyone else. And I know the way I live now would be close to intolerable to most people because I have totally isolated myself (except for my pets which are much more reliable, loyal and trustworthy.) But, for me I'm protecting myself. And surprisingly, I'm much happier this way. I do get lonely rarely and sometimes wish there was someone to talk to but I already know they would think I'm dramatizing, feeling sorry for myself, etc.. etc... Exactly what you said. The trust is just not there anymore. I can only tell you what I have done to survive. And when it comes down to it - that's what it's all about -- surviving. I've created a barrier around myself, replaced people with my pets, make myself happy with my hobbies and do good things for MYSELF. Find myself laughing sometimes when I observe other people and the games they play with each other. I live in an apt building and watch how they interact with each other and it's amusing. But, will soon move to the country so I won't even have to observe that. I talk to God because I trust no one else. This may not be good advice for you, but it's what I have done.
Hi there AliceJK Welcome and Thank you for the post
I wonder why you would come to a site that is a per supported site where we come to talk with our peer's and try to better ourselves gain validation and support when needed. When you have no use for us. Sites like this might not be for you. For lots of us it helps to know that others are out there struggling to survive that is called validation (when you read something and you start to nod your head in agreement feels very good at least it has for me). Reading about the things that are happening to people and what people have done to try and better there lives. I have not been here for 1 year yet. I go back and read the early post and messages that I made or read have helped me in so many ways. I can see a big change for the better in me.
First when I arrived here I was an emotional train wreak, I was totally isolated, I had uncontrollable anger and anxiety, I was hardly sleeping if I was lucky I got 2 to 3 hours in the nights that I slept. I had 2 and some times 3 nights I did not sleep at all. My therapy fell apart 6 months ago so I have been on my own trying to figure out what is happening to me. I was a mess.
I am still emotional no where's near as bad I still cry easy. I am able to go out with out crying now some times. I have started to go back out some, I have an easier time going shopping most of the time. I started going walking again. The big one came when I went back to my volunteer position after an 8 month absence. That was where I had a panic attack and broke down in front of over 100 hundred people that knew me. I have with lots of work been able to get my self to sleep in am more regular fashion. I where a sleep timer and my doctor is very impressed with how much of a change has gone on with me in the last 8 or 9 months.
This place, All it forums and the beautiful, supportive and informative people here that have become close allies in my fight to get well. Where we are talking right now has help me more than any thing I have ever done before to move myself forward.
My Mom always told me the best way to help your self is to help others. Maybe that is not you. When I do something to help someone I get as much if not more out of that as the person that I helped or just said something kind to someone feels good to me. I hope you can find your way forward.
So I guess that is all I have to say. I am sorry for your struggle. I hope some day your life will be better.
Nobody responded to my last post. It's been about 22 hours now. I'll just keep on responding to it myself with updates and more requests for help/feedback.
Wow - Lostforgottensoul - I am so happy you shared that brief history. You are amazing and although I have experienced just smidgeon of what you went thru it seems like a lot to me. It's sad to think someone has had it worse than what you wrote.
Yet there are similar outcomes we seem to all experience. The Stockholm Syndrome and coming to realization that your life was NOT normal.
Yea I would say to write a list like just couple words for each thing you want to address.
And maybe then find the right topic on this forum to post/ask for feedback.
Omgosh I can remember the absolute hell my mind took me through when I just started therapy
I really hope you can find the right therapist and stick with it - but don't give up.
When unearthing everything it just takes you to absolute hell and fortunately BACK to a much healthier place
Maybe you should rethink that as it sounds, to me, like your life isn't exactly working for your benefit. Isn't that what life is? Trying to better yourself, helping others along the way which then in turn helps you, and allowing your life to benfit you in richness? I don't mean money but rather being fullfilled emotionally and physically, and having healthy things in your life.
Unfortantly that's part of it and I was in that place for many years. Refusing to go there again and relive it again. Therapy was a lot like a tennis match or a ping pong table for a long time. I would bounce it back over never wanting to talk deep. But then it just happened, and it hurt, deeply but today I look foward to therapy. It is a place not unlike church for many. I get to unload. Let my hair down and just unload. And then I get to be built back up, gauged or pointed in a direction to go and then I run that direction for a week until we do it all over again. If I miss a week I can really notice it in my daily life. It is where anything goes. We have boundried obviously but its an hour that I get to be selfish and talk only about me and man, we have had some enriching conversations for sure. We've talk religon (obviously) and politics. Its a place I look foward to for sure.
So all of that to say it is not all about reliving it all the time in therapy. Not even close.
But its not. Its all about thriving and I am very sorry that you are not in that place but I assure you that if you are just surviving and going through the motions then you are really missing out. Therapy can help one thrive. It did for me and it did for hundreds on this board. When I first joined here I was still rather "brain washed", spewing a ton of emotions everywhere, and was insanely a wreck. Today I am so much different then that person back then and I can thank this forum for a lot of that change and for getting me through some super hard spots. This forum is a very important support in my life today and I charish conversations here!
Wow - Lostforgottensoul - I am so happy you shared that brief history. You are amazing and although I have experienced just smidgeon of what you went thru it seems like a lot to me. It's sad to think someone has had it worse than what you wrote.
I'm not sure if this was written for me but I'm in therapy. Been with my current therapist about 8 and a half years. Sorry if I miss typed that. But thank you for the very kind reply!
I saw it and heading over there soon. Wanted to be able to sit and think it out before replying. Which actually is why I am not that active on the board lately. Not enough time to be sadly.
Ah nice to read your response Lostforgottensoul. The therapy suggestion was a comment to CrazyDiamond. I really am thankful for the great therapists in this world. Wishing all of our readers the very best.
I only have time for weekly updates from this forum lately and made responding to yours a priority. I read your post and completely empathize with your position; it’s no picnic, and I’ve been there myself.
Please know you have my ear/my eye on your posts and will reply again when I can. In the meantime, if and when you need an outlet for your pain, it’s ok to let it out here. This is a safe place, and lots of us are or have been in your shoes. Nobody faults you for baring your soul, but please know much of what you say can and does contain triggers for many, myself included. Still, witnessing our past through the words of another can be like seeing a bad car accident-we have trouble looking away from it, despite the trauma and even carnage we see others experiencing.
I’m sending you my very best wishes, for what it’s worth, that you’ll eventually find a peaceful place here. There’s lots of powerful healing here, too, and I hope you can find it once you’re ready.
With Peace and Kindness,
Sophie’sDaddy
Just read this post and went back to read the post from which this stems. I couldnt read it, nothing to do with the content, but I struggle to keep the attention as my mind just keeps flying about everywhere and sentences just flow into one massive blob.
Its one of the reasons why I just want to hide away - no threats
