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General When nothing helps

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you have to decide how much you can help without compromising your own mental health
I think I am at the end of all I can do for her. It is codependent and un healthy for her or for me. I guess time will tell how strong I am to say no when I next get called. At this point I am a mess and couldn't help her much anyway. I am just waiting for news now. Not trying to help anymore I think right now is what I have to do for myself. I hope I get a call and she is in the hospital. I had her so close but still to far away.
thanks for your response
Peace be safe
 
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Yes I think I realized that by me helping it is just enabling her to continue making bad choices. I have been at this for a long time now. This year it has been going on for months and is just getting worse. That is why I called for help and have had to step away. That does not mean I don't still have as much love in my heart for her. It is hard to watch as a long time friend is in a destructive mode and won't accept professional help. I am not sure if she even knows How much this is hurting everyone and why most of the people she knows are staying silent they don't know what they can do.
Thank you much for your response. This is a heavy load and all the responses are lighting the load a bit. Thanks
Peace be safe
 
Rescuing someone who continues to make poor choices is not called love.
Yes. Agreed.

I have had people like you in my life in the past 10 years. They have literally kept me alive.
The reason these people have kept with me is because I have done my part. I have asked them what would make it easier on them, or have backed off when I feel they are in a conflicted or overwhelmed position.

You need to take care of you, my friend. First and foremost.
 
Hi all thanks for all your post. I have a little up date now.

My friend was picked up by the police and taken the the hospital. She was admitted to the inpatient mental health wing. I was going to go and visit her yesterday I stopped at my buddies place on the way waiting for visiting hours.

Who should come walking into his yard but my friend. I asked her what was up she told me that the doctors say there is nothing wrong with her, She is homeless and that is her problem so she was back to the street. I don't know what to think I can not believe that the doctors say there is nothing wrong with her. Maybe she is refusing care, all you need to do is be around her for a few minutes and listen to her talk you now she is a way off base. The conversation that comes out the topics change so fast she never finishes a sentence and moves on to the next topic. It is hard to explain. She looses everything so there is no sense in giving her anything that she does not use while you are there with her. I bought her lunch and we went and watched the ocean for a while. It was a hard conversation as we never finished any topic before we were on to the next topic. She is walking on a leg that has been broken I don't know how many times she needs to have it fixed. She told me yesterday that she has had 58 broken bones getting beaten up in her life time. I really don't know how she survives.

It is heart breaking to watch someone you have known for so long fall apart. She deserves a lot better. I don't think I can make that happen. It seems to me like it is time for me to think of me and take a couple of steps back and let what ever happen happen. Not sure I can do that with out really hurting me. The pain in watching is to great.

Peace be safe
 
SHE said the doctors said there was nothin wrong.

hi there Sweetpea thanks for the post
I find it hard to believe that the doctors said that. She is a complete mess. I'm not sure what is up now. She has been in and out of the psychiatric in patient so many times see is on a lot of Pain and psychiatric medications. She is walking on a leg that has been broken now a few times and has set wrong on its own. She has told me before she has had 56 or 58 bones broken getting beaten up. But there is nothing wrong with her. I just don't believe it someone is not telling the truth. She has been in and out of care fore many years 35 or 40 years now. The history of suicide in the family is unbelievable 6 kids dead out of 10 But nothing is wrong with her.
Peace be safe
 
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So I was going to update about my friend and the phone call I got the morning before I think it was morning. I was not sure it wouldn't change again quickly as it always does with her. Everything is wonderful and then it is not. So now I can up date I got another call.

So the first call was all up beat, and did I believe in miracles. I said sure I do. She told me she was with the love of her life and they were going to get married and everything was wonderful how happy she was. She was at this other guys place right now and is safe. Everything so far that she was telling me was setting off alarm bells. I know who she is talking about. It is that old saying jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

I am all whacked out on this new medication. I told her I was needing to lay down and she hung up the phone before I could say and then we can talk. The last person to hang up on me was my sister. This screwed with me I am really upset that she would do that to me. I have dropped everything for her before. I got over it. I still knew there was bad things going to happen.

Well she called back wanted to no if I knew who this was. I could tell she is pissed or something bad is going on. I tried to tell her I was just putting my supper together. She was not listening she was speaking very forceful she said do you love me I said of coarse I love you. she asked me again. I said hey I need to deal with putting my supper all in the pan and then........... and she hung up on me again.

So no I am sitting here beating myself up because I couldn't listen. When her brother killed himself he did it after being put on hold. Now I have a big guilt wonder if she does it this time. Then what I can say I was trying to get here to call me back this wasn't a convenient time.
Thanks for listening.
Peace be safe
 
This. Entirely wrong. I hate to say it, but it sounds like there needs to be a disconnect between the two of you, before she affects you negatively in an irreversible way.

Thank you for your response shimmerz

You and I know you are right. Her and her family are and have part of my life it has been friendship, love and tragedy. I first met her family back in the late 60's. I met 2 of her sisters and 1 brother I think I was 13 we became friends right away. I am going to write about them in my trauma diary it is to difficult. My involvement With their family has been been full of tragedy for the last 49 or almost 50 years. So I think the boat sailed a long time ago with this effecting me negatively.

Thanks for your advise
Peace be safe
 
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