Positive experiences about transference

[snowangel35]

Has anyone here ever 'worked through' their feelings of intense love for their therapist. I have strong intense feelings for mine. I have read so many posts about people who have or have had similar feelings but they are mostly negative experiences of people whose Ts reacted badly or didn't deal with it well. I am wondering if anyone has anything positive to share. I don't think I will ever stop having 'loving' feelings towards my T based on the way therapy is set up but I am hoping once I explore the feelings more and find some meaning behind them that the intensity and irrational side of them will die down.

 

[Justmehere]

I have read so many posts about people who have or have had similar feelings but they are mostly negative experiences of people whose Ts reacted badly or didn't deal with it well.

One thing to point out: people come to the forum when things are going badly. They tend to not post nearly as often about things that go well. Just keep that in mind when reading about it here.

I have had both negative and positive transference - and worked on both in therapy. It was some of the hardest and best work I've done. I'm still working on it at times.

It's hard for me to explain very well what it's like to deal with in therapy. The last time I worked through positive transference it meant dealing with quite a bit of grief. I "loved" my T because of the unconditional acceptance she gave me. The transference developed because I had not really experienced it in childhood - and she met a need that had been unmet for so long.

It did lessen and change over time. Talking it through was uncomfortable, but so worth it. It changed from transference-y "love" to a different kind of deep respect and gratitude.

Something I didn't expect to happen: working through it helped me feel much more whole as a person. It also led to feeling more free to risk deeper relationships with others.

 

[Eagle3]

I would have to agree with Justmehere. I had a ton of transference with my T, and we worked through a lot of it together. He knew all about my feelings of "love", but handled it adroitly and professionally. At the end of working with some of my more inappropriate expectations from previous traumas, I felt much more stable, connected to him in a much healthier way, and able to build better relationships with others because of the transference exploration we did. Honestly, if we HADN'T dealt with the transference, I would never have made so much progress with the trauma work.

 

[snowangel35]

Thanks for your replies. Yes, I get that people tend to post more when things are going bad so do take that in mind. Just reaching out for the hope of some more positive stories which both of yours seem to be. This is what I was looking for. I know the feelings I have won't ever completely disappear (In fact I don't even wish that they will as I know I will always have a depth of gratitude for this perons) but I do hope they level out and the pain that I feel sometimes dissipates somewhat. I also feel like I have made far more progress since I started having these feelings. I can't really describe how but it has definitely helped me become more invested in the process.

 

[Eagle3]

I understand what you're saying. It was after I moved away from T and had to deal with phone-only sessions that I really appreciated what my T is to me. I've been able to send him emails that express how much I miss him and appreciate his viewpoint and work with me, and he takes it all in stride. Before I left, we had a long conversation about our level of attachment, and I was able to tell him that before I ever started working with him in session, I felt a kindredness with him in the dojo, which is why I chose him as my therapist. He appreciated my honesty and seemed to really agree that we did have an instant connection before therapy, which was very helpful to building the therapeutic relationship, but we still maintain those professional boundaries. While I haven't told him yet that there are times I wish I hadn't needed him to be my therapist so badly, I'm very glad he is, because I can safely and comfortably work with any emotion or attachment that comes up. I still miss the hell out of him, and often think about one of the holding sessions to help me get through a day devoid of human contact in my new location, but we're still in contact as much as I can afford to be, and i can always send him emails.