On The Road To Recovery

[anni]

Hi and wow,

Your messages seem so clear and comforting. I had to get past the 'why was this given to me instead of someone more deserving' also. Maybe it's because I asked ( and got way more than I could have ever imagined ) but was not really listening to other answers I got. Maybe I had to get hit on the head with something undeniable. The traumas I was going through just made me endlessly reactive and unable to cope at ALL. Perhaps mine was the peaceful equivalent of getting smacked on the head and told to PAY ATTENTION! Sometimes I imagine that whoever it was who got through to me was rolling their eyes and saying "Geesh! Ok then, maybe you'll 'hear' THIS!".

I've also examined, researched and justified endlessly. I then decided that many, many things in life are much less complicated than we make them, and the simplest solution is usually the answer. I did not have an hallucination, a momentary disruption in my neuron synapsis, a waking dream or psychotic break. I asked for help and got it in a form recognizable to me. The white light and various imageries shown to me were very specific symbols in my life.

Yes, I will definitely write mine. Maybe later today I'll have time but the intent is there for at least soon! I have children home from school, a post-Thanksgiving mess to deal with and because the holidays trigger the stuffing ( no pun intended :) ) out of me I need to tool around the forum for awhile. I will take the time, though, because you telling your experience has made me remember how much it helped me deal with the traumas, and always will.

Back another time and thank again!

Anni

 

[BethRSA]

Johnny,

I cut and pasted your thoughts about healing and working through this to a document I can go to when I need to hear those things. "I am not my PTSD." is something I needed to hear today.

Thanks for being here and sharing your thoughts with us.

:Hug_emoticon: Beth

 

[JohnnyM53]

Way to go Anni! :thumbs-up

That's the spirit (pardon the pun)

You are absolutely right - everything comes down to the simplest things. It's the same with problems of a psychological nature.

The answer we find always makes sense and is simple. Getting to the answer is the tough part, with the brain setting up sophisticated sub-operating systems, and defense mechanisms set up by other defense systems, you would think we were playing against a computer game - a painful and oftentimes discouraging one mind you. But the brain is not intelligent - it is clever - big difference!

The trick is to keep asking questions - and the right ones - until the answer is revealled.

A very wise and dear friend of mine on the Forum suggested that perhaps our weird, surreal or supernatural (whatever you want to call it)experiences are shaped in such a way as to be convincing to us; shaped according to our experiences and knowledge at the time, and belief systems. So maybe you did need that hit on the head to make you pay attention.:stupid:

In the case of my epiphany, had Bugs Bunny or Stay Puff or Freddy Flintstone been in the vision, I would surely have checked myself into the nearest mental hospital...perhaps on a long term basis...lol

I, and am sure others, wait in anticipation to hear all about the event that happened to you, Anni. Please PM me when you post it, especially if under your own thread.

Happy Thanksgiving My New Forum Friend!! :Hug_emoticon:


If you really pay close attention with an open mind, you begin to realize that science and some life events are a lot stranger than science fiction...

- Johnny M53 2009

 

[bonnecanyon]

The trick is to keep asking questions - and the right ones - until the answer is revealled.

Johnny
This really hit the nail on the head for me! :crazy:

I ask questions, but they don't seem to be the right ones!

Thx
BC

 

[JohnnyM53]

I know and its frustrating. The brain is very complex; some say holographic.

Sometimes all we can do is ask. I'm still asking some/many.

 

[anni]

Hi Johnny,

It took some time to find where to post my reply. Part of me was of course hoping I wouldn't find it so would not 'have' to! :) It's not as mind-boggling as one would think but it happened and it happened in answer to a lot of pain I was going through associated with the traumas. After I write 'it' I'll have a shot at telling the other story, I think. The ones which set off this whole, rotten trip and landed me here in the first place. which I haven't been able to post yet, but know it's part of dealing with PTSD.

I'd just lost everything I ever owned, had small children who counted on me for everything, had had several attempts on my life through poisoning and choking, had my baby kidnapped and was trying to work, go to school and generally ( quite seriously) not be killed. I'd yelled at God SO much, because even if I thought I 'deserved' my situation, how could he allow harm to children? I was laying in bed that night, SO depressed and feeling SO deserted. I'd been trying with everything I had to stop this monster and had been badly let down by the legal system and everyone else who was supposed to be protecting us. I was exhausted, laying in bed not knowing how to go on to another dam day when I began to be lifted OFF my bed. I did actually struggle and got back onto the bed but was lifted OFF it again and turned completely around so that my head was at the foot of the bed.The window was closed, but through it, a white, white light 'flowed' and seems to be carried on this wierd, soft wind. The light and wind flowed around the room. At this point I was freaked OUT and hypervigilent and remember everything so clearly! The papers on my desk began to rustle and be blown around, some onto the floor. and I remember being distracted by this because I was working on a huge project for school and the papers were being disorganized. Then a painting I'd never seen before was suddenly hanging on the wall, illuminated by this lightIt was a desert scene, with blue,blue sky, yellow sand, and a falling-down small wooden framed house in the fore ground. Dried weeds were in clumps around the house. The wind entered the painting and the the painted grasses became 3-d and rustled and crackled in the wind. When I get really, really frightened I do this 'thing' from childhood where I sing the Doxology. It tends to bring some instant feelings of saftey. As I started croaking out the words, I was lifted, returned to the other end of the bed, the light and wind just sort of faded backwards out of the window and SLOWLY went away. I was freaked out but not scared anymore because I'd sure as heck been heard AND answered.The light and wind were the breath and light of the Holy Spirit, the painting and it's message. I was told were about being brought out of the wilderness. I didn't hear voices, but was told anyway.

That is the story. It is completely true. I think it was a gift, but haven't been brave enough to 'ask' for any more 'proof'. I think maybe that would be somewhat of an insult to whoever sent it in the first place, like well, that was great but I want MORE. :) The messages were sent in forms I understood, like Johnny said. If I were Buddhist the symbols would have been different. I'm an a aging P.K., grew up in the old-school Lutheran church and was 'gieven' what I could identify with. It was decades ago but the memories are clear.

Yes, I understand completely being sceptical, and am not trying to make anyone believe anything which is not in their own belief system. This is just what happened to me. No matter how awful things are sometimes, this experience remains a little corner stone with which I battle this stupid PTSD.

Thanks, Johnny, for the impetous. I'm probably going to log off now because I'm going to go distract myself from the triggers today. They are going off everywhere like fireworks! I'm also a little triggered because I do not wish to sound like a kook, or court disapproval. :) I have a tough enough time feeling like I should post anything, much less something so odd sounding.

Take care,

Anni

 

[helena]

Hi anni,

I'll let Johnny answer your post in detail but I'm glad you sent it out here.

Over and over again I have read things like this that happen - IMHO - to very special, unique people. The symbolism, as you correctly identified, must resonate with your own life experience, your own history.

An incredible experience and one of many that we simply cannot explain with our 'ordinary' human brains but that does not mean they do not exist nor have any less value simply because they cannot be replicated by scientists in a laboratory.

You did good!

 

[JohnnyM53]

Anni

I applaud you for your amazing courage. You posted the event in an easy to understand and visualize way. You did so because you wish to speak the truth and that is what this event and mine are all about. We aren’t interpreting their meanings, only reporting what happened. Big difference!

The event that happened to you is too “out there” to make it up. If you were trying to “sell something to someone”, I think you would have embellished the details a whole lot more, so I have not doubt whatsoever that you had that experience and that it happened just as you say it did.

It isn't so much about what exactly happened or what the messages, which are usually of a personal nature, were about, it’s that something very unusual happened to everyday people like you, me and others and that it seemed positive/benevolent and surreal. As so it gives us and others hope that maybe something important is going on and that maybe we’re not all alone.

Not sure if you’ve ever read this book, called Quantum Change: When Epiphanies and Sudden Insights Transform Ordinary Lives, by Drs. William R. Miller and Janet C’ de Baca, but these two doctors, who have impeccable credentials, studied mystical events and sudden insight events to bring a scientific perspective to, hopefully, explain them. And the bottom line was that they happened, not always, but usually, to ordinary people in enormous emotional pain, all of whom later asked “why me?” And these good doctors tell their readers that these events are far more common than we would think, but no one reports on them publicly for fear of being judged crazy. And who could blame them.

Well, if you and I are crazy, we’re in good company!...lol

Like you, I yelled and cursed at God, thinking I was talking to the ceiling all those years because surely God couldn’t be real with all this bad stuff happening in the world. And if he/she is real, why is nothing being done to stop it? While I am still not and will never be a religious person, SOMETHING truly extraordinary happened to me (and others). Not sure about you, but I don’t scream at him/her anymore.

As for making other “believe” what happened to us is true – hell - we aren’t sure what to make of these surreal events ourselves, let alone explain them to others in a way we can prove what it was!! As Helena states, it is beyond the understanding of our little brains.

And please keep on posting. You have something important to say Anni, just like every other person on here, and I’ve read many of your posts, and find you write well and make a whole bunch of sense.

Congrats on doing something difficult Anni! I’m proud of you!

I look forward to hearing all about your other story Anni.

Affectionately,


Johnny

 

[anni]

Hi Guys,

:) Thank you! I'm going to write the other one right after I beat the stuffing out of whatever major trigger happens. That's a plan! After I've gotten through some trigger which would have flattened me ordinarily, I sometimes JUMP on something that has been a big problem getting accomplished due to whatever fear/shame/guilt/avoidance PTSD symptom has been in the way. It seems like the forward motion of that energy can be harnessed or something. If I'm aware of it I can USE it, and I'm going to catch the next moment and get through that dam story. I'm an awful lot closer to that now. Having come out of the OTHER story closet I'm thinking a story of trauma, heartache, violence and pathos will be, if not cake, then at least not a 9 course meal.:)

It was definitely unexplainable, but undeniable. It's true that we can't let the limitations of 'official' science dictate our entire experience in life. Good God, there was a time when you could be executed for believing the world was round. I think we use what, 10% of our brain? I think they somehow deduced that Einstein used 15. That's a really, really big chunk of leftover, firing neurons sitting around up there! Who knows what is or isn't possible, I know!

All I can say is that it happened, I'm really glad it did and like you Johnny after I researched the bejeesis out of 'it' I didn't find any other answer but that someone gave me a very loving message.

Thanks for the feedback and comments. I'm going to read and digest and enjoy them and be quite seriously a little more healed. It's been a crappy, rotten couple of days but they're over!

Take care, and big hugs,

Anni

 

[JohnnyM53]

The earth is round? Really? Looks flat to me. Well I'll be damned. lol

 

[cragger65]

Anni, I think the only important thing in your vision/experience is what it has meant for you. Who cares what anyone else may think of it. Not everyone has such experiences, and so can't understand. That's OK, it doesn't diminish what it means for you. Keep it close to your heart, as you have always done, and everything will be fine.

 

[Tessa]

Hi Johnny and Anni,

Thankyou for sharing your beautiful and powerful spiritual experiences. You are not alone as many people have had such experiences. I guess they are reluctant to share them in this scientific orientated world.

You both cried out to God many times. He answered you in your great distress.

I too am a daughter of a preacher who was very violent. It is so conflicting to go to church and then come home and experience violence. I believe in a universal God. I am not particularly religious. It is human beings who have made all the different rituals and rules which sometimes block us from God.

I try to explain it to my children by taking them outside to gaze at the stars and space . Where does it end? Our human minds can only think in beginnings and ends not eternity.

Thankyou again for having the courage to share. Maybe one day I will do that too.

Hugs x2
Tessa