Relationship with your therapist

[Stephernovas]

I'm curious, how crass and straight forward are you with your therapist? I mean, I know we talk about dark and awful things, but are you super polite and formal otherwise? Or, is it like talking to your best friend who just happens to be your trained professional?

I speak to my therapist as though she's a good friend. I've (jokingly of course) told her to eff off, and that I hate her and etc (usually when she poses me with something challenging, as it stumps me or I'll realize I've had an error in my thinking. Sort of a way to add humour to the tough topics she pushes me to face. I am also a very assertive and (mostly) confident person, so I enjoy the banter she and I have in session. It helps me talk about things I would otherwise refuse if my therapist was extremely rigid. The only reason I ask is because I have a friend who is in school to become a clinical psychologist herself and she has commented that I must be a difficult client, particularly with the style of conversations my therapist and I have. So, I thought I'd ask for other input/experiences.

EDIT: My friend shared that as she believes I must 'throw my therapist off' with the things I say

 

[Muted]

We kind of used to be like that, but now it’s more serious, especially with her practicing all of her ‘boundaries’. I’m probably not the easiest of clients. I used to tell her everything.

 

[Muttly]

Huh, I think your friend is thrown off by the way you communicate. I am not sure I'd believe that your therapist is. I certainly joke with mine and am not rigid or polite. I think she prefers it that way.

 

[NightSky]

After two years I have what I would consider a close relationship with my T. We have some cross over in other realms and interact on occasion in those realms with ease. If I wasn’t her client, we would be friends as we are not far apart in age and have similar personalities. But as it is, I am very careful to respect boundaries (always afraid I’ll overstep, I err on the side of caution.) I’m “polite,” in that I’m not one to go in with guns blazing, ever. I’m honest but always in a way that feels like I’m being respectful and understanding that she’s human and makes mistakes just like I do. We laugh in session but if she pushes me I tend to shut down rather than have a go at her. I’m more feisty with almost everyone else. But with her I think I feel safe, and my sarcasm/defensiveness/self protection tendencies don’t come out the way they do with most others.

 

[Deanna]

Funny thing is, me and my therapist are a lot alike, in our thinking. When I say something- she really gets it.. and I get her. Maybe we are on the same plain. Others would say "huh" or "what ". I think others do that because they are attention deficit and don't really want to put the "time" or "effort" in to what is being said. Some people just simply don't care. ( I know people better than they know their selves and sometimes they are unaware what they are doing as well)

 

[Friday]

Student, grad student, internship, brand new certified therapist, seasoned therapist.

The students difficult client? Will be the grad student's easy client. And so on.

Just because you'd be a difficult client for your friend who's in school, doesn't mean you're a difficult client for your therapist. 15-20 years of experience, education, & specialization tends to change one's perspective just a bit ;)

 

[bento]

I love the relationship I have with my therapist. We see the world in a similar fashion so
I think that helps. I'm pretty open with her, but I do censor some things like trying not to
curse so much (she never complains but it's not her style) and not to talk too much about
about my self medicating days as that's not her area of expertise or experience.

I will say there was a point where I felt like I went in for a session and got essentially yelled
at. It was in relation to my questioning myself in regards to setting boundaries with abusive
behavior. It was hard to take but greatly needed. It was kinda weird paying $$ to go get
chewed out every week though.

 

[Snowflakes]

Maybe it’s my personality. I go in and share everything and anything. I figure the more she knows, the better she can help me. In my past, I’ve had therapists who didn’t work out for me but I’m not going to let my present therapist pay for the sins of a past therapist. I guess the word I’m looking for is trust. I trust she will help me. When I totally trust someone, I don’t have fear that what I say or how I say it will matter. It’s easy conversation.

 

[Stephernovas]

I fully enjoy my therapist. Most of my service providers, be it doctor, dentist, personal trainer, or whomever I ensure they are genuine people. If I were to meet them in any other environment, I would most likely befriend them and enjoy sharing a glass of wine with them. I had to post this, as even just the other day she challenged me on something and I was taken slightly aback and had to laugh but the first words out of my mouth were, "haha first off, f*ck you". I have informed her before that I truly enjoy our conversations, and I often get feedback from others that they find me down to earth and easy to talk to. I guess I was just wondering how others feel about their experience. Given my history (and she knows this), but I am quite thankful that she is a constant in my life. I have walked in her office with varying emotions over the course of my treatment, and she has been amazing at never making me feel awkward of out of place. It's a foreign concept for me to share so openly, so I did tread lightly - still do sometimes, but overall I am glad we can have a relaxed conversation about anything. I find it really helpful when I need a break from the heavy stuff. I think she's even noted how distressed I would become discussing a specific subject, so she'd back off and we'd laugh about something random and then she would try again with the topic that distressed me. I lucked out with a therapist that does well with not personalizing my emotions, or who tries to control them. Definitely helps the healing process, that and I just realized how much I am growing to trust her. This is good.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’d just dismiss your friends opinion outright.

There is no one “way” to communicate with a therapist. This is why it’s so hard to find the right therapist. Your communication style must mesh well with theirs for optimal results.

 

[Mach123]

Easy clients don't need therapy? If I wasn't difficult, why would I be sitting there? I think I'm Sherlock Holmes so I make every effort to be her most difficult and brilliant client. (If you're not smart about it, you just come off like a spoiled little kid.) I try not to think I'm smart because I remember thinking a few years ago that "I would become my abuser sitting in front of the therapist saying to myself she is looking right at me and she can't see me." I don't want to be just smart enough to keep myself from ever getting any better. I can talk to her like we are friends but then every once in awhile she comes at me with something. I know she has an agenda. After all, she is trying to help me. She pushes me but I still think she is too much 'client directed' in her approach. I don't want to direct my own therapy because I'll make sure I never get anywhere if I'm allowed to do that. I have to go get ready now to go see her. It's a long day.

 

[Stephernovas]

I'll make sure I never get anywhere if I'm allowed to do that

You know, I do that too. Mine has been battling me to try exposure therapy for weeks now. I ensured to derail her plan by sometimes flat out saying no, having something else to talk about, wasting time, or even the extreme coming in highly irritable. It's was half premeditated. Some of these days I really did feel like I had other stuff to talk about. On the other hand, I always knew I was NOT going to 'go there' in therapy that day. She constantly told me that I was the one in control, yet when I told her I wasn't ready to start at all, she still kept pushing it. I found that ironic. I thought I was in control? Anyways, it's funny because I think WE believe we are manipulating them, but they went to school to note those characteristics. I mean don't get me wrong, sometimes we get away with it, but I've come to see and understand that's the therapeutic process. If your therapist is good, they will pick up on you engaging in these strategies and the therapist should be trained to counteract them to meet you wherever you are at in your healing. Crazy mind games, eh!