Hi,
I need to write this off...Although i had write before a thread about the situation.. it's just... I still can't believe it. I want to be honest in what I feel. Its kinda long storry and my English is not that good ;)
PTSD
My husband ( soon to be ex..) is in the military for 13 years. Has PTSD for many years( Sexual abuse when he was a child, lost his buddy in Afghanistan, had a reall aggressive ex girlfriend) From 2010-2015/2016 he had years of agorafobie, tense, depression, debt, drug use ect.
We
Untill we met in the begin of 2016, From there it went fast, he told me on his first date of his PTSD, and about his trauma's .
We went married in nov 2016 ( we are 31 so things go a bit faster;).
Life was good! trips , funn things, talking , loving relationship.
What happend
After a small fight in september( our first fight and of course over nothing,) he left the house...
2 months of total silence and he did not came home..... no text no call, not only to me but also his parents/old collegues from his previouce base. When I had to go to hospital... no sound...
he lived 7 days a week at the army base. The few text he sent before he said he was not feeling well and everything was not good. He left me for 2 months in totall disbelief.
Now/The talk
And now here I am november 2017 ....... Just have been told by my husband this week that he want to divorce. He dont love me, don't see a future with me.....WTF just happend ????!..
Thats one part of the things he told me, on the next moment in that same conversation he says he want to stay in contact with me, I am the only one who knows him, and he can be himself when he is with me( he always talked about his ptsd/trauma cried ect when I was with him).....he dont want me out of his life....if we are ment to be together who knows ...ect ect.
And well....... he has few people around him except their parents and he is very introverted and dont talk that easy about his ptsd to his new colleagues....
But also told me that he is really scarred and nervous for his training as a sergeant. There is a very difficult period for him to come at his school, where he gets mental tests, and as he said he has bad knees, bad in his languages and mathematics ....
He is afraid, afraid to lose his job because if he does not make it he has to get out of the army.
Me
Im more confussed after the talk... is he even sure what he wants... And maybe with the study his cup is overflow?
I know I have to move on and that the PTSD is there again and will not go unless he go in therapy.,I know I talk too much about him and what he wants and not what I want/need, I know I defend his way of behavior to others but I also know my hearth is broken and he is sick. And I dont believe he make this choice to divorce because he wants too.
I feel totally deserted and I think with great disbelief how my husband has changed into a man who is cold and has no emotions and breaks in tears the next moment and I see a glimp of him..
I also know that because he don't want to go to a T nothing will change.... and it will get worse. Im sure he does the push pull thing to me,he already did it in our divorce talk!
Future
I also know I am a strong woman, who will make it without him.
I build up a good life for myself, house,car, nice job and a sweet cat;)
But my worries about him will remain for a long long time.....and secretly I hope that he will realize what he has lost and that he will still fight for himself and finally us it's heartbreaking to see him go down like that....
To my soon to be ex husband:
''Babe I love you to pieces and I'm sad we did not make it (maybe for now, time will tell). And that PTSD monster has taken you over. I know your a sweet and loving person and hope one day you can live the life you want.
But I got your back if you ever need me''
X Marije
I need to write this off...Although i had write before a thread about the situation.. it's just... I still can't believe it. I want to be honest in what I feel. Its kinda long storry and my English is not that good ;)
PTSD
My husband ( soon to be ex..) is in the military for 13 years. Has PTSD for many years( Sexual abuse when he was a child, lost his buddy in Afghanistan, had a reall aggressive ex girlfriend) From 2010-2015/2016 he had years of agorafobie, tense, depression, debt, drug use ect.
We
Untill we met in the begin of 2016, From there it went fast, he told me on his first date of his PTSD, and about his trauma's .
We went married in nov 2016 ( we are 31 so things go a bit faster;).
Life was good! trips , funn things, talking , loving relationship.
What happend
After a small fight in september( our first fight and of course over nothing,) he left the house...
2 months of total silence and he did not came home..... no text no call, not only to me but also his parents/old collegues from his previouce base. When I had to go to hospital... no sound...
he lived 7 days a week at the army base. The few text he sent before he said he was not feeling well and everything was not good. He left me for 2 months in totall disbelief.
Now/The talk
And now here I am november 2017 ....... Just have been told by my husband this week that he want to divorce. He dont love me, don't see a future with me.....WTF just happend ????!..
Thats one part of the things he told me, on the next moment in that same conversation he says he want to stay in contact with me, I am the only one who knows him, and he can be himself when he is with me( he always talked about his ptsd/trauma cried ect when I was with him).....he dont want me out of his life....if we are ment to be together who knows ...ect ect.
And well....... he has few people around him except their parents and he is very introverted and dont talk that easy about his ptsd to his new colleagues....
But also told me that he is really scarred and nervous for his training as a sergeant. There is a very difficult period for him to come at his school, where he gets mental tests, and as he said he has bad knees, bad in his languages and mathematics ....
He is afraid, afraid to lose his job because if he does not make it he has to get out of the army.
Me
Im more confussed after the talk... is he even sure what he wants... And maybe with the study his cup is overflow?
I know I have to move on and that the PTSD is there again and will not go unless he go in therapy.,I know I talk too much about him and what he wants and not what I want/need, I know I defend his way of behavior to others but I also know my hearth is broken and he is sick. And I dont believe he make this choice to divorce because he wants too.
I feel totally deserted and I think with great disbelief how my husband has changed into a man who is cold and has no emotions and breaks in tears the next moment and I see a glimp of him..
I also know that because he don't want to go to a T nothing will change.... and it will get worse. Im sure he does the push pull thing to me,he already did it in our divorce talk!
Future
I also know I am a strong woman, who will make it without him.
I build up a good life for myself, house,car, nice job and a sweet cat;)
But my worries about him will remain for a long long time.....and secretly I hope that he will realize what he has lost and that he will still fight for himself and finally us it's heartbreaking to see him go down like that....
To my soon to be ex husband:
''Babe I love you to pieces and I'm sad we did not make it (maybe for now, time will tell). And that PTSD monster has taken you over. I know your a sweet and loving person and hope one day you can live the life you want.
But I got your back if you ever need me''
X Marije
