Do You Really See Me?

[Nicolette]

Due to having a rather traumatic childhood myself I have been trying to break/re-train myself from some coping patterns which may not be as healthy as they could be.

During this process, at a therapy session today, when a behaviour was pointed out to me I realised I had to stand up and correct the person 'assessing' my situation. See, what I learned today was that while I still struggle with some things, I have also done a tremendous amount of work since leaving home. What one person sees me do now might be perceived as an unhealthy coping mechanism but if they haven't known me before they have no insight into how bad I really was before and all the progress I have made which I believe I deserve a pat on the back for (which I told the therapist).

It was very empowering to say, "you know what, you think I've got issues well, I haven't got half the issues that I had before" and then have the therapist turn around and say, you have a point, I didn't think of it like that.

My point in sharing this is while there is a success story section here we all have our life journey and sometimes someone crossing our path may only be able to see now but don't forget to look at the big picture acknowledge all what you have done to make your life better.

 

[Nicolette]

By the way; I posted this in Chat General so that Carers too could respond as quite a few I know from here have had their share of knocks in life and it's not only about PTSD.

 

[JohnnyM53]

I can really relate to your post Nicolette.

At 14, I was an absolute mess after the cops took the old man away, and only "clued in" that something was really wrong at age 25.

I changed so much, I am a different person today.

What people who have never been on a journey like ours don't and can't understand is what the starting point was like for us.

If they did and saw the strength, patience and courage it took us to change, step by step, and the depths of despair we've faced, we'd all be branded as heroes.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[CCurry]

Yes, good thread Nicolette. Although I am a carer I have also had a rough go growing up (everybody has a story right?).

What I'm most proud of is that I grew up with 2 narsissitic parents and somewhere in my adolescents something snapped in me to make me realize that I will not raise my children (when I had them) to fear me as much as I feared both my parents. Even though there are times that I still feel like I am 5 years old around them, through my own therapy I have managed to put up boundaries and to me that is a HUGE success!

So I too can say that I've come a long way to where I was a few years ago.

C.

 

[pandora]

Well my childhood was filled with fighting, chaos and turmoil. I went into therapy as a child..it was sad back then. I was even put into a psych ward (after I od'd) at 15..my father had died and then I was assaulted. Twenty years ago the therapies were not as good as they are today. I actually went back to that psych ward as a nursing student and then worked in the same hospital (also where my father spent many of his last years and then died) I have read every self help book out there..have had emdr, cbt, tried zensight ( a new age trauma healing technique) and have been on the forum for almost 3 years. I really have come a long way and out of the depths of what once was great despair. It took me years to get to a place where I could say I am ok today..my today is ok and I am living the best life that I could possibly know how to know. I actually have goals, peace of mind and hope for the future not worry. It is amazing but I think with hard work we can all reach a point in our recovery where we can feel this way. It is great to feel again...:clap:

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Nicollette -

Thank you for pointing this out - I really needed to reflect on this today. Your right, when my mom first left my step-dad I was 13 yrs old and went absolutely crazy. I was running the streets - until the crack of dawn, sneaking out of my house, not going to school (in fact they almost took my mom to court over that), doing any type of drug I could get my hands on. Literally, trying to run from what I had experienced.

Somehow, gradually - I finished school, quit doing hard drugs, became a mom, got married, and somehow pushed through for years.

Now instead of wanting to run - I am ready (most of the time at least) to face it - head on.

 

[cynelena]

What one person sees me do now might be perceived as an unhealthy coping mechanism but if they haven't known me before they have no insight into how bad I really was before and all the progress I have made which I believe I deserve a pat on the back for (which I told the therapist).

Kudos and more kudos to you Nicolette! It took me until almost 30yrs of age to stop beating myself up for all the bad behavior I inflicted upon myself and my loved ones. I still have my moments, but overall I know I'm a much better person for every bit of what I've been through in my life. I learned many a hard lesson too.

I too was a victim of sexual, emotional, physical, & verbal abuse for many years when I was a child and the very second I ran away from home at 17, I went just haywire! I was kept under lock and key and had NO life before then so as soon as I got a taste of freedom, I abused it. I had my son while in high school to top it all off and I was not ready to be a parent. I very well could have lost all rights to him for all the mess I got into. I lived in a fog of drugs, alcohol, sex, and every day partying from 17 until 26.

Then I woke up. Believe it or not, I remember the day. It was September 11th, 2001. My whole perception of life changed that day. I stopped the partying, packed my bags, and headed to TN (where my son was living) to start over. I knew on 09/11 that I had to change my ways and appreciate what gifts I had been given. The end result was that I have an AMAZING relationship with my now 18yr old son.

We have all endured different levels of difficulties and everyone's issues matter here. Stand up and be proud of yourselves for what you HAVE overcome! We all are breathing, surviving, and living to see another day. I say THAT is a major accomplishment. We all deserve a pat on the back:thumbs-up

Hugs to you all....especially you Nicolette:Hug_emoticon:

 

[helena]

Yes, I relate to what you have described.

No one can really know what I have been through, what I still go through and I accept that. But, just once, it would be nice to have the courage to stand up and say, whoa there! Don't you know who I am???

Kudos

 

[tryintobreathe]

Nicolette,

Excellent post!! Even though so many of us are still suffering and/or have issues to deal with, I am quite sure most of us have come a long way in our lives. It seems to me that the people on this forum are exceptionally intelligent and insightful people.

Jen

 

[dust]

Hi Nicolette,

like lots of people here, what therapy gave me was insight into myself, something I really value and always will. That insight comes with pain and hard work; the pain of acknowledging the past and the hard work of the therapy and changing behavior. Sometimes, at moments when I 'get it', there comes a great sense of accomplishment.

Best,

dust