How do i get alone time?

[SeekingAfrica]

I am very much an introvert and whenever I don't get quality alone time in few days/a week, I tend to get very claustrophobic and anxious around people(any people). However now I'm staying temporarily with my parents, and working at home while there.

I'm waiting on payment, so I can't spend much money, and they live far from the city center, it's almost like a village. I don't feel relaxed walking around here. I know it should feel more relaxing than the city, but it doesn't to me. There is section around where you can walk where it's quite literally an empty field, which makes me super anxious. Then there is the "village part" which I don't like because you sort of know everyone so you have to be polite and greet people and sometimes I want to take a walk to be alone and then usually I'm so much in my thoughts I probably look impolite from outside- which is sort of the appeal of a city park for me, you can walk around a lot of people and yet you may never walk into anyone you know.

So the situation is what it is and I was making my peace with it and working nicely from home and looking forward to getting my pay and working in some cafes and meeting some friends in the center...but both days yesterday and today different things happened that made my anxiety blow up, and I'm finding myself dreaming of at least a night where I can have alone time.

My parents don't really get the concept of alone time. No doors get locked here and although they aren't in the same room as me most of the time, they do tend to walk in whenever they like without knocking and so I never feel quite alone with my thoughts, even when I'm alone in a room. I did see a friend few days ago, and that was great social time, but I do need quality alone time for recharging too, and not the sleeping kind. I'm not sure how to approach this, I've been trying few things, and I don't feel I did anything but pass time.

Although, there is a chance that passing time IS the best I can do.
I've been exercising/doing yoga, and that does make me feel nice, though I still need a chance of doing that alone.
I talked to my mom about knocking and work schedule, but she just gets offended.
I'm trying to plan a lot(calms me to take small steps from tasks when I'm anxious).

Still, here I am having quite and anxious night. The kind where I feel that everything is impossible to concentrate on and I feel distant like I'm sleepwalking and sort of like I'll have panic attack if I try to be less distant. Then again, may be I just can't get what I need now and I just need to try to sleep this off and continue taking this one day at a time. But still, if anyone has useful ideas, if anyone feels like me about being alone please let me know. I know most people are afraid of being alone, but...yeah, I guess I'm kind of the opposite...Sorry for the rambling, I'm quite tongue-tied when anxious...

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

My alone time is priceless. I also enjoy deep connections with others and being in their company, but that alone time is how I process things, refuel, recoup, regroup, and gain momentum, on a good day.

Maybe try explaining to your folks that you simply NEED to have a certain amount of time to recoup, regroup, be with your thoughts, and process your work day, etc. with as few interruptions as humanly possible in order to be able to function at your healthiest capacity. (sincere apologies if you've already tried what I'm suggesting)

Ask them to help you figure out a window of time during each day or night, along with an agreed upon space that is appropriate and comfortable that can be used for a block of time without causing major disruption in their lives, either, while allowing you some concrete uninterrupted time/space, and schedule that time each and every day as if it were a critical appointment to attend (which it is...a self-care appt.) and work on transitioning into those spaces and adjust as needed along the way. Perhaps make a few signs of some sort to use and display as a kind reminder for everyone's brains sake until it becomes second nature and just a normal everyday occurrence.

Also, be sure to have a plan b and c to fall back on just in case something unexpected comes up and they need to invade that time and space for some reason. Maybe use that time to do extra breathing practices (square breathing, rhythmic breathing, alternate nostril breathing) or specific yoga poses you enjoy for stress relief, prep some food stuffs for the week, watch a favorite documentary/movie/instructional video/etc. or other favorite energy releasing and healthily nurturing methods, etc.

Is there a library where you can go get lost within yourself for a while? I find it a soothing space, but it's not for everyone. Is there a special space in the nature scene that isn't wide open, yet isolated enough from others to have a sort of natural "fort" space to go chill for a while, if you dig that kind of thing?

Wishing you some kind and loving self and parental cooperation and innerstanding in making it happen. That alone time is priceless and very necessary.

 

[FauxLiz]

@SeekingAfrica I have spent the majority of my life living in small rural communities so I understand that feeling of needing to be polite to everyone you meet on the street. One of the ways that I have always combated it was to "listen" to music while I was out walking. I would put in a set of headphones and even if I didn't turn the music on I could pretend I was listening to the headphones and I didn't have to politely greet or speak to anyone.

 

[Friday]

To be honest, situations where there is simply no reasonable way of being alone, is when I'd zone out / disassociate on purpose.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

My alone time is priceless. I also enjoy deep connections with others and being in their com...

That is exactly how I feel about alone time. As far as talking to them is, I do it when I feel patient, and I tried, but I tried on this topic and it didn't lead to anything good. I just got the lecture of how much they sacrificed for everyone their whole life and now that they finally bought a house I'm trying to tell them that they can't do whatever they want in it...so yeah. But on the other hand I went through a lot unexpected things this year, and I need to stay here for a bit so I'll have to deal...Thanks for the other ideas though, I'll have to use any technique at my disposal to relax and get back on track.

I've gotten to the point where all this makes me really anxious and that means I have issues with work, which means I work slow and take a lot of breaks. On the other hand, my mom saw me take a break, and sat down to give me a long list of how much more opportunities I have then them, how much issues they have and how when she was working she didn't get to rest...I said nothing because I saw nothing productive coming out of these talks lately, but that has made me hyper-anxious today. I had to start a file 3 times(transcribing it) and I would get halfway through and think I'm doing bad job and think it's anyway badly paid, and I can be doing something better and I'm running out of time, and it's always late in the day and what's the point and I would delete the whole thing I'd managed and have to start again...that is what anxiety does to me when it gets bad, I get hypercritical and also start counting time like if everything possible isn't paid and arranged on that day, it won't happen(even if it's a bill due in 2 weeks for example)... I deleted that half-file I did again, I think I'm having anxiety attack...Sorry!

Thank you for all the suggestions, they are lovely! I think I'll have to make a list and start implementing things. I feel like a ticking time bomb.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

@SeekingAfrica I have spent the majority of my life living in small rural communities so I understand that feeling of needing to be polite to everyone you meet on the street. One of the ways that I have always combated it was to "listen" to music while I was out walking. I would put in a set of headphones and even if I didn't turn the music on I could pretend I was listening to the headphones and I didn't have to politely greet or speak to anyone.

I thought that if you've lived there majority of your life you feel more relaxed there. My parents are like that, they actually like all those things about it... As far as the music goes...aren't you afraid that someone will get offended that you're walking with music and not hearing them? I am thinking I may have to try that though, soon, before I explode... I miss that feeling of being lost even walking in between people, just being in the music and walking, that always helped me before.

To be honest, situations where there is simply no reasonable way of being alone, is when I'd zone out / disassociate on purpose.

I don't do it on purpose, but if it happens my work suffers a lot, and I am just getting a hang on it. So I shouldn't. Not that I control it. I feel myself getting more closed and distant these days. Yesterday the only way to get rid of them and be alone was to say that I'm going to bed extremely early(I was in bed by 9) but by that point I was so anxious I was practically useless- I didn't sleep, nor did I do anything. I just laid frozen and half-watching things on the computer. And in the morning that feeling still lingered in me. It's getting worse. Really happy I made this thread on here because I'm getting to the point of being anxious where I can't remember what actually helps me or concentrate and I just want to hide and cry and sleep. I need to make a list of any suggestion I can pull out of here before things get worse and I start pushing deadlines and feeling like I need a sick day.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Took a walk around finally. I was really shaky and anxious, but at least I took a walk. I was paranoid about people watching me or people watching me look at their houses(streets are small, it's unavoidable), and after about 10min, I started walking back and ended up getting comfort food...but hey, at least I managed to go outside(and not just to the bus and back) for a first time in 2 days...I feel like it was still step forwards however small. Although I'm still a step away from panic attack...but at least I'm not entirely frozen.

 

[FauxLiz]

@SeekingAfrica i am proud of you for taking that first step and going out.

As for being easier because you have lived there a long time I have yet to find that. I grew up in a small rural town where my parents and several relatives still live going back is a living hell because I don’t recognize anyone at all. I moved from there to another small community for nearly 15 years with my ex always felt the outsider and now 12 years and two more small towns later I have come to accept that until I have lived there an arbitrary number of years I will never know the “secret handshake” so now I just don’t care, hence the headphones

 

[SeekingAfrica]

@SeekingAfrica i am proud of you for taking that first step and going out.

As for b...

Thank you! I'm having debilitating freezing anxiety today, so it's nice to know at least I did one thing. I'll need to redo my whole work day, and even knowing that I can't get myself to do anything more and when I try I screw it up. So at least, may be one day soon I'll care less about walking in the local streets.