News Gender identification - when to start the conversation

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I can agree with your stance from several angles, @Justmehere , but as long as parents keep learning and heavily supporting the same inadequate/inaccurate/funded by big corporations and such curriculum that's been taught for generations upon generations, it'll continue to be incredibly difficult getting those basics/life skills/actual helpful methods of existing that they never learned themselves to be taught at home. We have to start somewhere.

Folks raising kids can't adequately teach what they've never quite learned themselves, nor are they "allowed" to teach things that go against the widely accepted and highly marketed "norms" without enduring much flack or being considered outcasts and problematic individuals to the nth degree, or at least that's been my experiences in life, thus far.

How do you actively envision the encouraging/equipping/empowering of millions of parents who already are stressed to the max from working multiple jobs to make ends meet, trying to care for self and offspring, trying to juggle their own histories of abuse/mistreatment, trying to hold onto the few threads of sanity they have left, trying to fight for public assistance through the systems that seem to complicate things more than they help, etc.?

 

[shimmerz]

How do you actively envision the encouraging/equipping/empowering of millions of parents who already are stressed to the max from working multiple jobs to make ends meet,

By realizing that this exact system ^^^ is the one that got US so distracted and overwhelmed in life and insisting that that not happen to our children.

trying to fight for public assistance through the systems that seem to complicate things more than they help, etc.?

Which is exactly my point. Just because the system says it is good, doesn't mean it is. We have seen that generation after generation, have we not?

 

[Suzetig]

The vast majority of parents do manage to equip their children for adulthood, do teach empathy, tolerance and care for self and others. Good enough parenting is in fact the experience of most children and those parents need minimal support to fulfil their role.

It's getting to the place though where schools and teachers are expected to fill the gap for those kids who do experience some form of adversity or whose parents do struggle. Family support services, social work departments and voluntary agencies who actively support struggling parents find their budgets slashed with education picking up the slack with no increase in resource or indeed training to do the job well.

The moral, social and emotional development of my kids is predominantly my responsibility - not my school or teachers role. I'd be happy if they would for the most part teach my children to read, write, count and spell without stigmatising, shaming or judging. That in itself will go a long way to creating an environment that cares for and supports difference.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Yep, we surely have, @shimmerz . Fighting like hell myself each and every day to get out from under the heavy unhealthy weight of the educational system, medical system, mental health system, economic system, food system, etc.,etc. and all their "helpful" knowledge and methods that's been heavily ingrained into way too many brains.

 

[Scarlet13]

So schools (public, private) really have come a long way recently from the behaviorist, desk in a row, factory like system it has been for decades.
Schools are finally starting to reflect (as best they can) more naturistic learning models that are focused on inclusivity and diversity.
But, schools are failing at meeting social emotional learning needs still as this is hard.
There are "mindfulness" trends, but it is a tall task because many teachers don't get emotional wellness concepts, nor are many teachers interested in incorporating these concepts because it means making less time for concepts they have always taught.
Teaching math, writing and so on is great but how? Schools are moving past rote learning and facts learning. Education is trying to hone interpersonal skills and innovation. This also means self awareness and so my hope is that schools move in this direction as well.
We don't even know in detail the inclusive strategies put into place at the OP's district.
It may be about inclusivity and creating gender neutral environments in schools which is great, but complex. Any change stirs parental opinions.
I think schools do have a part in raising kids. Kids spend more time with us than parents. Effective learning is rooted in attachments all the way through hs and the relationship is paramount.
In the wake of school violence, schools are striving for a focus on community as integral to learning (group focused, collaboration, teachers as co learners ect.)
This trans gender program may be an awareness program designing a safe, inclusive school for ALL students. I would need to research it.
As far as the appropriate age to begin the conversation it really is from birth, because the conversation what you say and how you say it changes.
Babies can be exposed to many diff colors, textures, patterns being cared for by consistent care givers (males and females). Preschool children can get to explore and play with open ended materials and child centered scripts in nature and creative environments. The books you read will be gender directed but just be open as a parent or teacher. My daughter loves "Good night, good night, construction site" and my son loved princess stories for a while.
In elementary aged kids, emotional wellness programs are key (which schools are lacking still.)
Where kids can learn it is ok to have emotions.
In Middle school it gets more complex. This is where you would have an actual conversation about transgender concepts (which is not really commonly happening yet, but should.)
The school conversation should be ABOUT the issues and concepts focusing on kindness, respect, inclusivity, acts of hate and why they happen, hateful words and what to do about it.
So, yes we are raising children in schools. But it is with boundaries and it is in servitude of families and not in opposition. And yes this process is messy and complex.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

I couldn't agree more @Scarlet13 !

 

[Deleted member 541]

Our schools are failing our kids. Failing to teach them basic academic studies, so why would we leave it to the schools to teach this???? Personally, I think that the government needs to get the hell out of the classroom and let the schools set the curriculum and the the teachers do their jobs and teach again.

I don’t know who meet to bring this subject up for our children. Maybe the parents need to have classes on acceptance, patience and sexuality first....

 

[Suzetig]

think schools do have a part in raising kids. Kids spend more time with us than parents.

Really? My kids are at school from 9.00 until 3.00. From around 7.00 am until I take them to school at 9.00, they're with me. After school from around 3.00 until bedtime, they're usually with my husband or I. At weekends they're with me or my husband. We don't leave our kids in childcare and we wait with them at activities e.g. dancing or martial arts. It's my job to raise my kids within the context of my extended family and community, including the school system.

The schools role is to offer as wide an education as possible of course including social and interpersonal development but the school does not know my children the way I do. Their teachers get a snap shot of them as they are in school, they don't see the rest of it or where school helps or hinders their wider development and the education department where curriculum is set and planned actually don't know my child at all.

It's not the schools role to explore or question my child's gender identity and I won't be trusting this part of their development to the education system.

 

[Scarlet13]

So, I agree it is not the school's job to encourage dialog on a child's personal gender exploration. But it is the teacher's job to encourage conversations about gender identity and equality as an issue in general, while at the same time as creating emotional awareness skills.
Many schools (including our school) do start at 7:45 am and let out at 3:15 pm.
Then many kids are in extended day care (including my own) or kids are in sports.
This is the reality of many households, maybe even the majority. Teachers see my kids more than I do on some days.
Families are busy and children are in school.
I am so lucky to have caring, validating teachers in my children's lives. But they respect boundaries. I do work at a private school, so maybe you can place an emphasis on a caring "family like" community more easily there.
After studying children and working with children, it is my philosophy that schools operate like families. These 'school families' are designed to support and enhance children's home families. This means I tell children I care about them. I am there for them. This means often that I am one of the only sources of validation in some children's lives.
This is so critical. A trend this year and last year is for ms students to explore with cutting and suicidal ideation just as a "trendy" thing.
I have an advisory and I run my advisory like a family. I tell them, "You can always come to me if you need help."
And when this happens, we all work as a team. We involve parents and we support parents, we offer resources. It is a coming together within the community.
When students bring up topics like suicide or gender identity, we talk about it. It is my job to talk about it. It would be a tremendous disservice to shut kids down or to only say, "talk to your parents about this."
I do say that, but I also address the issues with kids. I place an emphasis on good self care, care for others and on seeking help, building relationships and so on. It is critical that today's kids can have open dialog with caring, trained teachers in safe environments with peers.

 

[shimmerz]

Bingo.....

I do work at a private school,

Private schools are accountable to parents. They pay the bills. Government schools are a whole different ballgame.

 

[Suzetig]

And you're talking about middle school, the OP was talking about kindergarten - 4/5/6 year olds. My kids go to an excellent school, their teachers are incredibly caring of them and the school is a highly nurturing environment and they thrive there. It's still my job as their parent to raise my children.

School hours and culture may represent a pond difference but I don't know any kindergarten age child who has a school day that long or who doesn't have meaningful relationships with their parents or carers.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

School hours and culture may represent a pond difference but I don't know any kindergarten age child who has a school day that long or who doesn't have meaningful relationships with their parents or carers.

I think it does, and sadly I do. Several. Each year.