Relationship My crazy marriage

[Original poster]

I actually think I have a normal sex drive. Nothing out of the ordinary. It just when there is no sex for 4,5,6,7,8,9 10 1/2 months any man will go crazy that doesn't have PTSD. When I would get frustrated with no sex for 6+ months she would tell me you just want me for sex. My wife separated from me not me separating from her. It has has been 17 months now. I told her recently that I want to do what ever it takes to make this marriage work and learn as much as possible about PTSD. She did offer to me to go back to counseling and I said yes, but we have only seen each other once the last almost three weeks and it was only to go to counseling and she will only answe my text when she wants. Will text me when she wants, when I reply I get no response. Half the time when she replies it has nothing to do with what I text. Many people tell me they have seen a chance in my screaming since I started therapy over a year ago.

I also got frustrated when I do 80-85% of the chores and felt like I never had time to relax before I went to sleep. Also in my opinion she is addicted the IPad, because she rather be on the IPad 4 hours instead of 5 min with her husband.

 

[Sweetpea76]

If her sex drive never increases would it be a deal breaker for you?

 

[original poster]

If her sexy drive never increases would it be a deal breaker for you?

Now that I know more about PTSD I don't think so.

 

[Sweetpea76]

It may never change. Sex is imbedded in her trauma. She may never have any increase in desire.

 

[Original poster]

at our next counseling sessions next Tuesday I'm realy going to have a talk with her. I'm doing everything possible right now to save this marriage. She on the other hand tells me she's going to send me our counseling homework and never does. She does not reply to my text or gives odd answers. She shows not interest in seeing me, but still wants to go to counseling. We need to be a team work together and try to make this marriage work or I need to say goodbye. I'm not talking about more sex etc. I'm talking about being a team and taking this counseling seriously and show you want this marriage to work.

 

[Buttercup]

Hi OP,

I've been following this thread since you started it and I'm going to be blunt here and hopefully not offend you.

You have a lot of anger. And I get it. You have every right to your feelings and pain, and I understand your anger. The thing is, if I can see it, so can she. If I were to step in her shoes as much as I possibly can, I would want a lot of space from you.

Maybe she doesn't have an interest in seeing you or talking to you outside of counseling. To be honest, I'm not sure I would feel any differently based on what you have written.

The fact that both of you are going to counseling together and separately is a great thing. I think taking it very slowly in the way is a good idea and also shows promise.

I think you need to be more patient with her and realize the positive steps that are being made. She needs to see you not showing so much anger and frustration outside of counseling. Those are things you can work through in coubseling and maybe once she has seen you work through it she will feel safe enough to have conversations with you and slowly move forward in your marriage again.

 

[origini]

Before maybe mid August we had no problem taking on the phone and me taking her to appointments. Now after therapy non of that.

 

[Original poster]

so we went to marriage counseling yesterday. My wife said the reason she is not answering some of my text and not asking me to take her places is because she does not know if she can open up and feel safe with me again. She does not mean I'm going to beat her up, but feel secure and to the point that I can make her feel safe like a husband should. She said in the past I was not able just to listen without commenting. The consular said we should come individually one session each. I think the consular wants to hear what my wife really is thinking without me around, but I don't know for sure. I think the consular wants to see if my wife wants to end it, but afraid to say it with me around, but again I'm not sure.

I told my wife yesterday that I'm learning so much about PTSD that I did not know in the past. I'm willing to except that somethings are going to be the way they are in this marriage. I told her I hope she can give me a second chance because I don't thing I was able to give her a fare change the first time and she was not able to give me a fare chance the first time.
I would feel real bad if it ended because I don't think we gave each other a real chance.