Triggery neighbor; narc/abusive liar like my mother

[mumstheword]

So I am deregulated badly right now. We live next door to a horrible, dangerous woman. She knocked on my door this morning and I wasn't civil. So much banked up hurt and rage and fear she evokes in me.
Just this last week her "friend" threatened my guy, after my guy asked him to stop dumping filthy mud on our front (that she sweeps up and dumps in our gutter, regularly) and he wouldn't stop doing it for ages. My guy asked him three times and finally pulled him out of our space. He's since apologied (the neighbors "friend, that is, who was in the wrong, on our property and he killed a bunch of our seedlings)) but now our neighbor is telling people my guy "punched him and assaulted him", even though the guy never even said that (i was there, there were no punches thrown, this guy threatened my guy with a crow bar though).

My guy also dealt with her killer dogs killing one of her chooks, while she didn't respond to the violence happening to one of her animals in her own yard, then three of them got out (the killer dogs) and mauled our other side neighbors cat, again my guy dealt with it while she avoided it. When asked why she didn't respond to her own dogs getting out and attacking, she said "she felt attacked".The cat has since died, after nearly a grand in vet bills. This is all in the last week.

So many more things went down before this. So this morning she knocked on my door wanting one of her chooks that apparently had flown into our yard. I told her "well it will be much safer there." She doesn't have a hutch or anything. It must be the only one left that the dogs she keeps in the yard with them hasn't killed yet. She kept knocking on my door demanding I return her chook. I told her to get out of my face or I'd call the police. She was having a go at me about my cat. My cat hasn't mauled anyone (her dogs attacked my partner not long ago, he has horrific scars on his legs now). I'm upset that she ready had three aggressive dogs who are very dangerous and she doesn't act responsibly and then she got ANOTHER aggressive dog. It could be one of the young children attacked next.

She is one of those people who bareface lies. When the police arrived she lied straight to our other neighbors face, and to the police, claiming she only had one dog and it didn't kill the cat. There are four witnesses, myself included and all of us tennents know she has four dogs not one dog. She reminds me of my mother SO MUCH. We have to listen to her screaming abuse to her children constantly. She has death threatened us and other neighbors in the past, thrown dog shit on our neighbors place, assaulted my guy and then lied to the police about it.

I'm so deregulated right now. I am dealing with a year of miscarriages while all this shite been going down, including her trying to trump up charges against my guy that have been dropped because even she realised her lies wouldn't stuck for that one, at the same time we were supposed to go to court, I was having a four month missed miscarriage.

I ended up looking for her chook but it wasn't even.in my yard. Hopefully it's gone to a safer home. I'm starting therapy for early childhood sexual assault/abuse tomorrow.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

That's a lot of shit to have right outside your damn doorstep, in more ways than one, ay? I think you've done quite well to still have any threads of sanity. Wishing you well in your appt. tomorrow and in your own heart space right now. Have you written any notes about what you wish to share with them yet? I always have to write it all down or it gets lost between my brain and my mouth. Hoping the brain and the body and the damn people let you get some rest tonight. Heart hugs heading your way.

 

[mumstheword]

Thank you @Tornadic Thoughts :-) i ended up going down to the police station, because the last time, she called the police after death threatening screaming at us and our other neighbors, because she found some dog doo near her campfire and brought it over to throw on our neighbors toddlers playing area, my guy went out to say "what's that now?" With a phone recording it and she went and called the police. She proceeded to try to throw rubbish on our place because she'd parked her bus so far over in front of our place that our bins were "touching her bus". My partner wouldn't let her throw our bins, spilling out rubbish so she reached up and started punching him. Saying to me "get him off me! " as she punched him.

She told the police that he attacked her and filed for a Apprehended Violence Order, that was thrown out of court. Yes I was miscarrying and had another in July at 3 months, both this year. So I was worried she was going to lie to the police again. The policeman was rude, condescending, didn't care, treated me as if I had done something wrong and was bothering him for nothing, thinks the lies, assaults and dog violence and negligence is no big deal and beneath him.

I did speak to the ranger though. Hopefully something happens.

I know I'm just reacting after 4 years of listening to and witnessing her abuse and lying and baiting other residents and feeling terrorized by her and her dogs. I'm dysregulated.

I agree, I'd better think about what I'm going to say but, to tell you the truth, words and being articulate and telling the truth aren't at all a problem for me these days. I was a very shut down teen but have found my voice in later life, especially with caring listeners.

I'm feeling triggered about the rude, uncaring poiceman now. It's no wonder I've avoided them, on the whole, for most of my life. I've never been to police when I've been assaulted or raped and most of what I consider the insidious real harm and mental/emotional/psychological torture is not something police will understand or care about dealing with, is how I've viewed it. I don't think they are good, as a rule, with narc behaviour, covert violence or anything really that isn't very straight forward and up front and simple. They don't do complex well. Most of my abusers made ME feel like hurting myself and killing myself rather than overtly doing harm to my body (other than sexual but I didn't know because my first rapist raped me repeatedly as a baby, toddler and small child and he taught me that my body is for men's pleasure only and how I feel about it doesn't come into.It, my mother doesn't/didn't care either and assaulted, neglected and abused me too). No one supported me to charge my rapists. I felt like the policeman thought I was trash. I've been through SO much hell and I've been.treated like trash a lot, but I'm so not trash.

I don't feel supported by the local policeman at all, in fact the opposite.
I do feel supported by you though :-) thank you :-) @Tornadic Thoughts .

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @mumstheword... Neighbours can be hell and yours sounds awful..... Evil nasty bitch.... Why oh why do we have to deal with such shit. Do you think.... Now it's just a thought... She enjoys bullying, lying etc you... And your partner?..... Some people get a joy from hurting others..... Or do

You think she's just crazy.....?

Im so so sorry all that horror happened to you at such a young age... Bastards....

Big hugs....

 

[Supervixn]

Oh my gosh. I can't imagine what you're going through right now but the lady is obviously very crazy... innnsaaane.

I know you feel the police aren't on your side-- been there. I say keep documenting things and take pictures. Keep a small calendar and make notes about everything. Install cams outside if you think you can record her behavior. The police might not care but a lawyer and a judge just might. You can't control what others do. Avoidance seems neccessary until you're no longer neighbors. I wouldn't want to even have the chance to look at her as I walk outside...

 

[mumstheword]

Thank you @Xena and @Supervixn :-)

To answer your question @Zena, yes, I do think she enjoys bullying us and baiting. She gets a smug smirk on her face when she's doing it.

As for the policeman. It seems he is corrupt. In that between myself and my neighbors, He's been caught out lying to my face about her. He seems to want to defend and protect her while she systematically destroys all-the- neighbors-around-her sanity and health. He didn't care that she lied about her dogs. He told me so. He lied to me about what she's said to him re slandering my partner. She did do it, because my neighbors heard the conversation, but he denied that she had. Can't trust a dishonest cop who covers for a narc who assaults and terrorizes with killer and attack dogs. Really really weird, I'm thinking he must be attracted to her of something. Or maybe he just hates my guy and I on sight. Not a comfortable position to be in, when the authorities clearly don't have your back.

I rang the council immediately after this last dog attack, because this is the fifth dog attack, and now, the second fatality (puss cat died 5 days after the attack, despite a wonderful vet doing all that he could). The ranger finally got back to me the other day, the day narc neighbor repeatedly harassed me at my door. He still hasn't checked in with our other neighbors though. Two households going through hell and repeatedly asking for help and it's been over a week now and nothing!

I had already hung up after dialing 000 because it's not really something I do unless the situation is absolutely extreme. But they rang me back and when I explained what we were dealing with the dispatcher was very concerned and thought it worthy to send around the copper.

But he just added to our pain and feelings of lack-of-safety.

Today we are seeking orders. Legally binding orders for protection from this extremely psychologically sadistic and pathologically dishonest woman.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @mumstheword... The legal route minus the useless policeman is the best way to go because if she breaks any conditions she has to be arrested......
She is an awful woman... Evil.... Again I'm so sorry you had to endure that hell.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((@mumstheword )))
I hope there is a way to report this corrupt cop! Make as much verbal "noise" about his attitude, actions, and unprofessional (putting it MILDLY) Responses!

"The squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

Good luck and prayers for sanity and safety!!!
:hug::hug::hug:

 

[freebird]

Narcs will always play victim and lie and get away with it, and the only way the police might hear you, is through rock solid evidence.

If she comes to your door again, hit the record button on your phone, put it in your pocket, and try to get evidence. Or install a camera by the front door. Take pictures if she is throwing crap around. Same with that cop!

Watch your little kitty. I wouldn't let her out in case something happens. Keep a close eye on her/him.

I'm so sorry about your miscarriages. Had one last year it was so horrible and painful. Drink lots of soup, get lots of rest mumstheword.

 

[mumstheword]

Thank you everyone. :-) We have installed the camera. She has gone into hiding at the moment, I think because she knows the council are expected to move to respond to the dogs danger.

Today my guy found she has left human poo under the trees in front of our place and on top of the grave of the newly dead puss cat that her dogs killed. She must have done that while we were out yesterday.

We are going full steam ahead in seeking legal recourse to protect all the tenants here from the dogs and ourselves from her, her damaging influence on two sufferers who already experienced huge amounts of extreme abuse from waaaay too many narcs and sociopaths (myself and my guy). We are very impacted by this as we have not yet had a break from constant psychological abuse and even physical abuse from the sociopathic/narc co-parents we must constantly deal with. So this just feels too much. I need hospitalization but must wait for health insurance to gain admission to the only hospital that treats trauma.

Thank you for the support @Xena @AngelkeeperJ/AKJ and @freebird ! :-) Good advice all round :-) We will follow all of it. I'll keep you all updated.

 

[freebird]

:photogenic:Document that :poop: and give it to the council. That's totally unacceptable!! I can't even...

Hope you guys get a break soon...I'm sending some peace to you from across the planet.

 

[Angelsone2]

(((@mumstheword )))
I hope there is a way to report this corrupt cop!...

The situation sounds dreadful. Narcissisticly disordered personalities feed off of the chaos and negativity of their own inner unowned shadow pieces by projecting onto everyone around them. I used to react which only gave the narcs my power.

Dangerous animals, and the ooor dogs are only reflecting the emotional state of the neighbor, is a community affair and concern. Do you have animal control around where you live? Getting them involved would be good.

All the other suggestions I have read sound positive such as the documentation and cameras, recordings etc. also not confronting the neighbor alone if possible so you have a witness.

As far a police are concerned they are are mostly immediate responders and not typically good at the dynamics of dealing with ongoing drama. I dated a police officer intermittently for several years and experienced the most narcissistic abuse from him out of any significant other I have been with. Try not to react at all when speaking to police or with the destructive neighbors. It will help you to keep your power without feeding supply to the narcissists. And yes, unfortunately that means with the police too. Many narcissistic individuals seek positions of external power and control.

Perhaps getting a petition signed by people who are effected would add to the other suggestion in other posts.

Getting therapy for childhood trauma is critical for your own peace. You deserve to have treatment because it does effect the quality of relationships and experiences until that trauma is processed and released from the body. Traumatic experiences are stored in the body and can be healed with the tools for dealing specifically with PTSD.

Self care is critical. I have found many soothing meditations on YouTube that are free and help with the anxiety and obsessional thoughts. Yoga is great too as it helps with breath which decreases anxiety and stretches which help relaase trapped negative energy in the body.

Try to take daily walks or other form of enjoyable exercise which releases the chemicals in the brain to help relieve the stress symptoms.

Practice a spiritual activity or religious practice if you have that connection such as prayer which is a form of meditation.

Self care helps to counter the effects of the negative stressors. Recovery programs such as codependents anonymous help provide support as people are working on healthy boundaries. Police again deal better with something they can fix or address that is immediate. Remaining calm when communicating with them will help them to hear you instead of going into their own survival mode. The single most dangerous call they make are home disputes. They tend to be on guard and intimidating instead of “warm or fuzzy”. Take care of yourself.