Relationship Boyfriend feels no love?

[Akhos]

@shimmerz - brilliant advice. Im stealing that one if you dont mind ;)

 

[shimmerz]

Absolutely. What's mine is yours!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Silly question but, how can he get better?

He may not get better.

 

[Akhos]

As @Sweetpea76 says, he never get better but he may learn to manage it and to live with it

 

[Sweetpea76]

He may not even learn to manage it.

A lot of supporters go into relationships with sufferers believeing they'll be cured or they'll get better... in reality there is no guarantee. This may be as good as it gets. A honeymoon phase of a relationship is just that. A honeymoon phase.

This probably seems "mean" to tell new supporters, but it's the reality of being with somebody who has a mental illness. You have to decide if you can live like this the rest of your life, because you can't fix it, you can't make it better, and love isn't enough.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Sweetpea76 After 11 years, I think you’re right. We can always hope but every day I wake up to reality.

I appreciate @Akhos and @shimmerz for their insight. Your insights help me got to tomorrow.

Very informative and helpful thread.

 

[Akhos]

Just for the record. I have no issues talking about how it affects me especially if it helps others. Relationships are confusing enough when they have two mentally healthy people, let alone when ptsd raises its ugly mug in the way.

Ask me anythkng and i will try to answer it how it affects me and my thought processes as a male

 

[anon1234]

@Akhos I have found your posts very helpful, thanks for taking the time to write.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Our relationship is not new, our honeymoon phase was 5 years ago. Prior to PTSD, We had a good relationship for 5 years. However even through out the 5 years, he has always suffered with General Anxiety Disorder. Something I learnt very well how to manage through out the years, and we still managed to have a great relationship.

I still want my future with this man, I want to be able to know if that is still possible as some of the posts are saying ‘he may not be better’, if that’s the case.. what do I do? I’m sure there are relationships out there that after some work, therapy, education etc are actually working quite well.

I don’t expect anything perfect because all relationships are difficult in their own way.

 

[Akhos]

I still want my future with this man, I want to be able to know if that is still possible as some of the posts are saying ‘he may not be better’, if that’s the case.. what do I do?

Noone is saying he wont get better, just rather, be prepared that he may never get fully better. So dependant on the type of trauma, his own personality, his coping mechanism, his support network, effectiveness of counselling and probably many more things that I dont know about. Depending on what caused this, the triggers etc, he may get "better" in the sense that he can handle it better, learns how to cope and function. Its possible for sufferers to be high functioning and maintain jobs and relationships. For some, its possible and they return to a normal-ish life, for others, they wont.

All we are saying is, he may get better, and hopefully he does, but he also may not. In relation to the relationship side of things, only you can answer that one, but just be prepared that he MAY not get fully better, but he might. (and hopefully does).

Would he be willing to come on here and talk about whats happening to him? Would that work as a method of release for him?

 

[BoyfriendwithPTSD]

Hey akhos

Thanks for your reply.
I don’t think my boyfriend would want to talk about his trauma, even online. He struggles a lot with it. It took him months to admit he needed to go therapy. He sees it as ‘admitting defeat’

I need to have patience and take this day by day. It took me a while to figure out how to manage his GAD as a partner so hopefully with the help of all of you lovely people, I can figure out this too. Of course, at the same time take care of myself too.

I just have a question, about a week ago he had a ‘relapse’ as he was in a situation that reminded him of his Trauma.
For the next few days he was in a very bad condition, crying uncontrollably, couldn’t sleep, shaking in bed, burst of agression, God it was awful.

Ever since then he’s been so adamant on that he can’t ‘handle the stress of the relationship, he needs some space in his head. He can’t deal with the responsibilities towards someone else’ and also that I deserve better and he can’t provide me with what I need.

However since then, we’ve still been seeing eachother and being ‘a couple’. I tried speaking to him about it yesterday, and he just said ‘I can’t handle the pressure and stress of a relationship, I need to be free in my brain, I’m a damaged person’

What do I make of this?! Do I stay, do I go? I’m so confused :(

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Just for the record. I have no issues talking about how it affects me especially if it helps others. Rela...

I would like to ask you a question. I had a male partner who, after some time, didn’t seem like he was able to manage his illness any longer. A couple of weeks ago I sent him a very harsh email due to some things I learned of him due to mutual friends and his ex. Prior to sending the email, he had ghousted with no contact, no communication. I’m wondering if ghousting was for the stress he was under preparing for a big exam, or me? And since there is no longer any communication, would that be due to the email I sent to him a while back? I know everyone is different and your opinion is based on your reaction, but I need a little insight. I also sent an email last night asking for his forgiveness and to try and repair our friendship. What should I really do?