D
Divuse
Hi. Any flashbacks I have have always been in private. I had nothing trigger them in public. My trauma is related to a woman I loved and risked everything for. Since she hasn't been in my life for year's I never really processed my feelings for her.
Anyway, I was at a tram stop having a coffee. I wasn't thinking about anything. I was just watching the time for going to work. A lady came and sat two feet away from me also waiting for the tram. I didn't pay her any attention but a little while later I did notice that she had great legs. It was just a passing thought though. I was leaning forward so I hadn't seen the rest of her.
Then she turned around and looked at me. I looked back. I Thought "Huh. She looks like my old love. She's younger with different eyebrows but just as beautiful." Then I thought ( or said...I dunno ) "I went to war for a woman like that." Then I went into a series of the most intense flashbacks I've ever had. I know the fighting, the combat, the fear, the horror, the love, everything went across my face. I went through waves and waves of intense emotions, reliving everything that happened to me in what seemed like an age.
It was more like a series of flashbacks so there were lulls so I was able to ruminate on their weight to me in the lulls between flashing back. So I was swaying between having one foot in the present and one in the past. It was like being being snapped like a rubber band back to the past in quick flashes. I was still peripherally aware of the woman although we were now facing each other unknown to me at the time.
When I came out of the flashback I shook my head thinking ( or saying ) "God will judge me for the things I've done. It's mad this all started over love." Then I looked at the woman unfocused thinking "I'm too traumatised for women."
It was only then I actually focused and looked at the woman since entering the flashback. She had turned around early in the flashback ( because she was facing me even though we were sitting side by side ) and seen the whole thing. She was facing me, her knees towards me, looking relaxed but with her chin down and an intense unblinking stare as she stared at nothing but my eyes. Her mouth was set seriously. I just kind of looked at her hair and her face and thought that she was beautiful.
Then I completely snapped out it and realised I didn't know her, I didn't want to make her uncomfortable ( although she didn't look uncomfortable ). I felt embarrassed that she had seen me like that and was worried I'd said something or done something and she thought me mad. I made the uncomfortable, apologetic, it's ok...I'll look away now gesture. She kept staring intensely at me through all my trying to make her comfortable and didn't look away until I did
I've looked up people witnessing flashbacks and couldn't find any first hand accounts. I mean, I did feel a connection with this woman because she saw things in my face that I've only ever displayed in private and she was so beautiful and so like my old love that I'd like to think she didn't think I was a weirdo. Has anyone ever experienced flashbacks in public before?
Anyway, I was at a tram stop having a coffee. I wasn't thinking about anything. I was just watching the time for going to work. A lady came and sat two feet away from me also waiting for the tram. I didn't pay her any attention but a little while later I did notice that she had great legs. It was just a passing thought though. I was leaning forward so I hadn't seen the rest of her.
Then she turned around and looked at me. I looked back. I Thought "Huh. She looks like my old love. She's younger with different eyebrows but just as beautiful." Then I thought ( or said...I dunno ) "I went to war for a woman like that." Then I went into a series of the most intense flashbacks I've ever had. I know the fighting, the combat, the fear, the horror, the love, everything went across my face. I went through waves and waves of intense emotions, reliving everything that happened to me in what seemed like an age.
It was more like a series of flashbacks so there were lulls so I was able to ruminate on their weight to me in the lulls between flashing back. So I was swaying between having one foot in the present and one in the past. It was like being being snapped like a rubber band back to the past in quick flashes. I was still peripherally aware of the woman although we were now facing each other unknown to me at the time.
When I came out of the flashback I shook my head thinking ( or saying ) "God will judge me for the things I've done. It's mad this all started over love." Then I looked at the woman unfocused thinking "I'm too traumatised for women."
It was only then I actually focused and looked at the woman since entering the flashback. She had turned around early in the flashback ( because she was facing me even though we were sitting side by side ) and seen the whole thing. She was facing me, her knees towards me, looking relaxed but with her chin down and an intense unblinking stare as she stared at nothing but my eyes. Her mouth was set seriously. I just kind of looked at her hair and her face and thought that she was beautiful.
Then I completely snapped out it and realised I didn't know her, I didn't want to make her uncomfortable ( although she didn't look uncomfortable ). I felt embarrassed that she had seen me like that and was worried I'd said something or done something and she thought me mad. I made the uncomfortable, apologetic, it's ok...I'll look away now gesture. She kept staring intensely at me through all my trying to make her comfortable and didn't look away until I did
I've looked up people witnessing flashbacks and couldn't find any first hand accounts. I mean, I did feel a connection with this woman because she saw things in my face that I've only ever displayed in private and she was so beautiful and so like my old love that I'd like to think she didn't think I was a weirdo. Has anyone ever experienced flashbacks in public before?
