Protectors/parts avoiding therapeutic process..

[Sunny13]

I am attending trauma therapy and have been with new T for 6 months, I attend 90 min sessions weekly. I am struggling with my protectors. I am dissociating, losing time, finding myself reenacting my trauma. I am avoiding past trauma events that are very painful for me to discuss. When my T touches on a senstive topic I dissociate and I'v been told I switch to a part/protector. My sessions are exhausting. I experience body memories, headaches, nausea, waves of heat that are very overwhelming to me. I have a shame part that doesn't want to share the secrets that I've been threatened to keep for over 40 years. I feel myself slipping more and more into the darkness and I'm afraid I won't return. I'v been asked what process will help? I have extreme protectors that won't let me heal, they discount all help (therapy approaches). These protectors don't know that I am re experiencing the memories and pain. They are not protecting me from the pain. They just take over because they think I am a child still living in a dangerous situation.

 

[Muted]

I am attending trauma therapy and have been with new T for 6 months, I attend 90 min sessions weekly. I...

My understanding is that all protective parts serve a purpose. They’re there for a reason, they may be younger and not aware of where you are now and what your capable of handling. Have you tried talking to your parts or allowing them to journal?

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m doing parts work on my own. I have self therapy books that guide me through the process. I decided (on my own) to go through a calming process. This is not mentioned in my books or anywhere else I’ve seen. Well, my books are not geared toward trauma survivors so I’ve had to tweak the model and methods to accommodate my trauma affected system. What I mean by a calming process is that I am not digging into anything at the moment. I am letting my protectors and exiles come to light in the course of my life. When I feel their presence, I stop to talk to them. I ask them to step down and assure them that SELF can handle whatever emotions arise. All of my protectors, save one that I just discovered today, have been willing to step down and give SELF a chance to handle the pain of the exiles. I know for a fact that this process would not be as smooth if I was actively prodding myself to the point of causing my protectors to go into full blown defensive mode. IMHO prodding the system with trauma talk isn’t necessarily the best initial approach, especially if you are dealing with stubborn protectors who won’t back down. I suggest laying off the trauma talk for awhile and focusing on getting to know your parts. Once your parts trust you, the trauma work will be easier as they will be more cooperative/less defensive.

 

[Sunny13]

@Muted and Eveharrington thank you both for your suggestions...

 

[hithere]

What Eve said. I am experiencing what you are almost exactly. What I realize i need is to form a relationship with the protectors first! ask them what they are protecting me from, and suggest other ways they can help that are not so destructive.

 

[Ronin]

Are you sure your therapist just isn't someone who's too pushing, and they're people more able to spot someone is toxic for you or going too fast or in ways that aren't helpful to you?

Just asking, because I get tired of that 'protectors are just unsure about the present situation' stuff. Nah, it may be they're the ones who are bloody clever.

 

[Sunny13]

Right now I am working on getting to know my parts/protectors. I was referred to my new T (specializes in Trauma/psychologist) by my old T (social worker/IFS threapist). The reason I was recommended was because prior to seeing my new T I was experiencing flashbacks, nightmares and dissociating. My old T is semi-retired....She's away a large portion of the time and felt I needed someone that was available for me to work through my trauma. I am going through a million and one changes seeing a new T and trying to connect with her. The other symptoms that have surfaced since I've started with the new T are, body memories, waves of heat, losing time, insomnia, nausea and reenacting trauma. New T has lightened up on processing my Trauma and she's teaching me more grounding, journaling and art threapy. We process events that I am experiencing as they arise. I continue to attend session and there are times when I just want to throw in the towel and give up. There is a big part of me that wants to heal from my past wounds and it tells me that I deserve more. I feel as if there is an internal war going on.

 

[hithere]

Are you sure your therapist just isn't someone who's too pushing, and they're people more able to spot som...

yes, I agree with this. That's why you have to become friends with them first. if you are ignoring them, they know you aren't safe.

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you pushing forward? Or are you allowing periods of rest?

This work is EXHAUSTING! I had to just stop parts work altogether because I was so unstable. I’m now gaining stability again, but it will be a few more weeks before I try to do much with my parts.

Maybe you just need a break?

 

[Sideways]

New T has lightened up on processing my Trauma and she's teaching me more grounding, journaling and art threapy.

Sounds like a great approach.

When I started out with therapy, a huge focus was on processing my trauma. But what I really needed to focus on was (1) how to survive; and (2) how to live. Both of those well before any processing work.

My current trauma T lets trauma stuff out when it happens to come out, and we deal with it. But then we put it to the side, and refocus on the huge bulk of my symptoms, which are caused from trauma, but don’t necessarily require a lot of poking at the actual trauma to improve. And like @Ronin was getting at? My protector parts have settled down. A lot.

It all needs work. My protector parts have some pretty messed up ideas about the best way to protect me. That’s gonna need addressing at some point. But at the moment, the focus is getting the captain of the team stable - that’d be me - rather than making individual parts of the team uncomfortable. There’s been a massive improvement for me in a tonne of my symptoms as a result. Poking at the trauma is traumatic, and actually, there’s no great rush to do that because I’m finding that learning how to just be alive, and have that be meaningful and (gasp) even enjoyable at times? That’s huge.

I think one of the most powerful things that experienced trauma Ts seem to understand is it’s not just that you’ve experienced trauma, it’s that the trauma lleft a whole heap of extra damage in its wake. Repairing the trauma won’t repair all the damage it’s done, and a lot of recovery can be made if you work on repairing the damage, rather than repairing the trauma itself. Symptoms that trauma causes can be massively improved by treatment that is trauma-sensitive, and trauma-informed, but not necessarily trauma-provoking.

That’s not me saying don’t bother with processing your trauma. Just that I think that therapy directed at improving your life is time well spent. Protectors are going to take longer than the average bear to learn to trust your new T. So give them time, and keep focusing on the rest of the damage that you can fix safely.

 

[Ronin]

are going to take longer than the average bear to learn to trust your new T.

I'm mostly thinking it isn't that necessary, too.

Trust, I mean. Or, I don't know how other people, but I don't need 'trust' in therapy as much as the therapist not actively spinning me and brushing my concerns aside, as having someone who can work with me, the trust will eventually come from that and isn't a prerequisite.

Stable work, solid information & resources, respect & dignity are more.

 

[Sunny13]

Thank you all! @EveHarrington.. I feel as if I do need a break. I'm just going to take it a step @ a time..