Supporter What am i supposed to do - combat vet broke up but everything still the same except living together.

[Sweetpea76]

Five chances.... girl.

There are men out there that actually put effort into relationships. That will spoil you. Protect you. They won't waffle about being with you, they'll feel lucky they get to be with you.

I got divorced at 25. I grieved for that idiot like he died. I had no clue. NONE. It took getting a good man to realize what I was missing out on.

The lesson I learned from my bad marriage... how I'm not willing to be treated again.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Oh! And if you think young single enlisted guys don't go out and party their asses off have I got some stories to tell you! He's had plenty of time in the party phase, trust.

 

[LuckiLee]

Lol. I was thinking the same thing @Sweetpea76.

 

[krisss]

Oh! And if you think young single enlisted guys don't go out and party their asses off have I got so...

oh i know he partied, i guess i was just looking for kind of an excuse for his behavior but there’s none. & i go back and forth because like you said they should be able to spoil you, feel lucky etc and he was all those things for a while. i’m just not sure what happened that he stopped and started ghosting me again.

BUT NONETHELESS, someone who won’t always leave, leave me dangling on a string etc, is definitely not someone i want to be with

 

[LuckiLee]

You're healing already!

 

[Deleted member 44240]

oh i know he partied, i guess i was just looking for kind of an excuse for his behavior but there’s no...

Although he may have partied and ghosted several times, I just don’t want to throw in the towel as of yet. I understand how he’s been treating you; like you, I had the same kind of guy. Started out treating me like no one else mattered, gave me the world, gave me love and attention, but all-in-allhe still has ptsd. As mentioned on several forums, the ptsd relationship is damn near impossible due to situations like yours and mine.it takes a very strong and forgiving person to stand by and support everything ie, being erratic, being irrational, sexual proclivities, drugs and alcohol. I know right now you’re feeling a lot of mixed feelings and your judgement is clouded, but give yourself some time to heal. Who knows what the future holds? Doesn’t mean wait his return; he may not. If he does, you now know better; set boundaries.
Skov

 

[LuckiLee]

@B.J. Yep he may want to come back. And if @krisss has learned anything from all of this it should be that untreated PTSD is extremely hard to "support". If not, impossible.

So, this would be where those pesky boundaries come in. He has to be in treatment. He needs to learn new coping skills. She should keep it a platonic friendship until he's been in therapy imho at least a year...

You HAVE to remember too PTSD is a cyclical disorder. Symptoms can go into a type of "remission". Which is why people can have " normal" relationships for a little while. Until it becomes more serious and overflow's that darn stress cup. There's no cure. It never goes away. I'm five years in and alot of days are still shite!! And we're working "the program" together. Everyday! All day! If J wasn't trying I'd be looong gone.

J was @krisss's guy 30 years ago. He was a freaking mess. Failed relationship after failed relationship...all kinds of bad stuff. Until he couldn't "avoid" it anymore. (I wouldn't let him) He's older and wiser and was ready to face it head on. And it's hard as hell. He's even said war was easier. If that's any indication how hard therapy is.

Anyhoo... We all deserve to be loved the way we want/need to. You won't get the typical "fairytale" in a PTSD relationship. Thankfully I may have found mine.

XO

 

[Deleted member 44240]

@B.J. Yep he may want to come back. And if @krisss has learned an...

Thank you @leehalf I never knew that ptsd was cyclical and could go into remission. That possibly answers some questions for me.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Don't use PTSD to excuse shit treatment. It's the biggest supporter trap in the world.

 

[krisss]

I'm not sure I don't want to throw the towel in, or if i do. I woke up this morning so in my feelings and so upset. I'm trying really hard to compose myself at work. Mornings and right before going to bed are the hardest. I think about EVERYTHING. Ugh.

This is so damn hard, i'm so hurt. I feel like i sound pathetic to be honest. I'm so disappointed, we have SO much history, i know more about him than anyone else in this world does he has even told me that. He knows more about me than anyone too. How do I just let him go? I mean I know I have to, but how do I do that?

Yes Yes i know, staying occupied and keeping my mind off of it, being with friends. I'm definitely going to do all that. just right now it seems like such a hard road ahead.

& because of the fact that I do know him, & have been through this before in a way, know that he will eventually come back and reach out to me at some point. Ugh. but that could be months or years from now. This hurts.

Do you think he's thinking about me too?

 

[Deleted member 44240]

I'm not sure I don't want to throw the towel in, or if i do. I woke up this morning so in my feelings an...

If you’re sure he’ll be back one day, then I believe you answered you question. Sounds like he left before and returned, so as
I said before, give him some time to pull it together. Hopefully he’ll do what he’s done before. Waiting to see if it happens is up to you, but you could be waiting your time.

 

[Hojay]

it takes a very strong and forgiving person to stand by and support everything ie, being erratic, being irrational, sexual proclivities, drugs and alcohol.

Probably beating a very dead horse with this here, but: Yes, these relationships take bionic strength and forgiveness skills, but the behavior you mention here isn't in the book of PTSD "offenses" that are par for the course. Being erratic and irrational, yes. Takes a good many deep breaths and a few eye rolls to ease through those. Sexual proclivities, drugs, and alcohol, however, are not PTSD, they're coping mechanisms and to be seen independently of PTSD. If you wouldn't forgive a healthy "normal" person for cheating, abusing drugs or alcohol, you shouldn't forgive a PTSD guy for it either. Just because you know WHY they're doing what they're doing, doesn't mean it's no big deal and forgivable.