Supporter What am i supposed to do - combat vet broke up but everything still the same except living together.

[Justmehere]

You are learning. Just in the relatively short time you have been posting here on the forum, you have grown considerably, and learned a lot. It’s really quite impressive.

It takes a wise heart to put in that hard work to learn and grow.

 

[krisss]

You are learning. Just in the relatively short time you have been posting here on the forum, you hav...

Thank you so much!

As i've said I go back and forth, but since I first started this thread, I can tell how much i've learned and used that and applied it to my life and my situation. Hopefully I can keep applying it and not lose faith.

 

[Friday]

Fool me 5x - I don't really have an ending for that one.

The End.

That’s the ending for that one.

 

[krisss]

A friend of mine brought him up and i feel like im losing it. WTF

 

[LuckiLee]

They're supposed to get your mind off of him. Lol

It's only been a couple of days. You'll be fine!

 

[Justmehere]

Stick to the good plan you and this weekend for self care and connecting with others. If it helps, ask them to not bring him up. It will get easier to ride the waves of emotion and grief after this breakup, and the waves will get smaller and the storm will pass.

 

[krisss]

Ugh, update guys.

So we have mutual friends and it was one of their birthdays last night and out of nowhere i get a text from him saying “will i see you tonight”

and i didn’t respond in 60 seconds and he was calling me

so i answered. on the phone he was like “hey i texted you, did you not see it” and i was just like i’m sorry and he’s like will i see you tonight for the birthday? & i was like well i mean i’m going so if you are then i guess yes.

he was then like oh okay you know i just wanted to know if i would see you cause i miss you and stuff. do you miss me? & i was like yes and he’s like are you sure you still miss me?

& i’m like yes? (at this point in so confused)

then he goes “i was at the apartment this morning” i’m like wait what? he’s like yeah i drove by and parked by your car and slept in the car for like 2 hours. i’m like..........okay??

like guys, WTF. & then he was like but i don’t know if i’m going to the birthday cause i work super early i may not even sleep at all but maybe i can bring my work clothes? and i acted like i didn’t even hear that because to me i think that was his way of basically asking me to just stay at my house which was going to be a no.

but then he was like well okay so if i go then i guess i’ll see you, and i was like yeah you will. he said okay bye and i just said bye and hung up.


THEN, he doesn’t even f*cking show up.

WHY WOULD HE DO THAT, TO THEN NOT EVEN SHOW UP??? like honestly what was the point of that especially when i haven’t even heard from him since he got his things.

i was so upset last night and i’m so upset today i just don’t understand :(

 

[Teasel]

Can you block his number? He has shown over and over again that he is willing to hurt your feelings over and over and over.

I feel for you going through this I do x

 

[Justmehere]

Oh wow, all of this pushing and pulling would be totally upsetting to me. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. :hug:

then he goes “i was at the apartment this morning” i’m like wait what? he’s like yeah i drove by and parked by your car and slept in the car for like 2 hours. i’m like..........okay??

Yeah, he's expecting you to read his mind, while also becoming slightly stalker-ish. I mean, that's just creepy for him to beak up with someone and then sleep in his car outside the apartment next to yours, and then to try to find out where you are going and when and etc. He wants all the benefits without any of the work or commitment of a relationship, that's been clear for awhile... but this is just creepy.

I agree with blocking him. Don't get pulled back in.

 

[LuckiLee]

Head games.

IF I were you I would throw his words back at him. (and mean it)

Tell him this is too stressful for you.
We should break communication so we can concentrate on ourselves right now.
His emotions are too much for you right now.
You can't be happy while worrying about his mental well being.

These are his words but they also refer to you too. I get why you want to help him but you can't. He has to face it himself. You are a good distraction for him.

I would tell him you need some space to put some energy into yourself. As he should.

I said in an earlier post this is where you need those boundaries. Ask him if he sought out therapy. If not. You have to draw that line. Tell him you won't go back to square one again. And then STOP communication. He either seeks help or he doesn't.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. You are going to have to be the rational one.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Do you want to spend the next twenty years with him leaving and coming back every few months? How do you think that's going to impact your sanity? What's going to happen when the kids come and he f*cks off and abandons them then comes back, then f*cks off again... because he will. Then he will leave for good after 20 years and you'll have to deal with that.

Or you can save yourself now. Save yourself.

He leaves, says a few pretty words to come back, then f*cks off and hurts you again. Is the crap he's saying enough to make that hurt OK?

 

[krisss]

I’m just so confused.

3 days ago he wanted nothing to do with me, wanted to be “alone” said I would not hear from him for a while and now this. It’s like i get the whole wanting to know if we would be at the same place or making sure it was okay and stuff but what’s with all the extra stuff?

& why tell me he misses me, for me to tell him i miss him too, and him ask me 3x if i’m sure i still missed him.

OH and i forgot that he was like well if we’re there would you say hi to me? would you talk to me? would you punch me in the face? i was like why do you think i have such animosity towards you and he’s like because you have the right to but i guess i was just messing around. it’s like he knows he did wrong and feels bad for it.

i never thought that i would have to tell him to give me space and leave me alone especially being that this was all on HIM. this is what HE wanted, not me. the freaking push pull dynamic at its finest.

Do you want to spend the next twenty years with him leaving and coming back every few months? How do you think that's going to impact your sanity? What's going to happen when the kids come and he f*cks off and abandons them then comes back, then f*cks off again... because he will. Then he will leave for good after 20 years and you'll have to deal with that.
Or you can save yourself now. Save yourself.
He leaves, says a few pretty words to come back, then f*cks off and hurts you again. Is the crap he's saying enough to make that hurt OK?

I felt this in my bones. It’s so true. & i’ve thought about that! what about when we get married and we have children, and you leave me then. not only will that affect me but the kids!! this is such a sad sad story.

especially because i don’t doubt for one second that he loves me. i just think he’s so messed up in the head and so clouded, that he would let this slip away. i’m more angry at myself for even answering his damn call. it only took 3 days too. i wonder when he’ll reach out to me next.