Does anyone have issues connecting to their body?

[Ana12]

Lately it's been coming up a lot in therapy that I'm not very good at connecting to my body and that I don't really like trying to.

For example, when my therapist asks me where I feel a certain emotion in my body, I can't easily sense it or don't like even trying to tune in to my body. She wants me to consider trying a treatment method called "Somatic Experiencing" therapy and has mentioned trying yoga and/or simply just talking about that disconnect between mind and body more in sessions. I've read some literature on how trauma impacts the body and changes certain biological circuits that normally help us stay attuned with our body, so I know there's validity to this issue.

I'm interested to know if anyone else has struggled with this whole connecting to your body thing (not in regards to physical/sexual intimacy, but just in general with your own emotions and every day life)?

If so, what does that disconnect look like for you or in what situations do you notice it? It makes sense to me how trauma affects the physical/sexual intimacy part, but I guess I don't really understand why there's a general disconnect in other areas too and how to reconnect.

I'm interested to hear others' experiences and whether any of you have found anything to be helpful in dealing with it and/or understanding it (knowledge you can share about why/how it happens, treatment methods/approaches that helped you, etc.)?

 

[MyWillow]

What you describe is my life "normal" I think so it's something I find hard to recognise or deal with. My T says it's about having spent so long living in my left brain. I'm extremely task oriented, very productive but I don't think I feel much. We've been focussing on stabilisation lately as I was really struggling with the aftermath of therapy (dissociation, flashbacks, losing time - horrible) and it's like I've got my blinkers back on again. My T introduced me to the theory of structural dissociation and I strongly relate to it. At the moment my ANP is well in control but when I'm stressed and the EPs start to intrude... well....sh!t goes south lol

I started trauma sensitive yoga...it's something I really think I need. The instructor is wonderful - and there is SO much choice about what you do or don't do which is incredibly empowering - but I still feel like I'm going to throw up, run or dissociate if I push the envelope too far. The first few sessions were like torture. I learnt to be very careful about closing my eyes and to use my mat as much as possible rather than the chair. Feels more grounded. That's just what works for me. Even something as simple as co-ordinating a movement with breath brings waves of panic and I have to stop. My T talking about changing my breath can be panic inducing. Yet I'm pretty fit considering my injuries, run around with my dogs and do hard core Pilates no problem at all. The being present and quiet and non-judgemental of yoga is extremely challenging. I am trying at home to sit on my yoga mat for a few minutes a day and just notice the breath and how my mind tumbles along at 100mph without judgement.

Sorry - I probably haven't explained things very well.

 

[SinkorSwim]

1000 times yes! I actually just did an activity where I had to write down what made me sad angry happy and anxious then had to draw on a stick person where I felt this in my body. That was the hardest part for me. She eventually gave me an example and then I kind of figured it out from there such as heart racing shakiness etc. Have you told your T you are having trouble with this? Maybe she has some ideas you can try to connect with your body feelings.

 

[Ana12]

Thank you both for your responses. I could relate a lot to what you both described about your experiences.

MyWillow - I should maybe look into the trauma sensitive yoga!

Katiesue - I have talked to my T about it, yes. She wants me to try "somatic experiencing (SE)" therapy, which I'm not familiar with, but sounds super uncomfortable just in the brief amount I've researched/read about it.

I wonder if anyone here has tried it? I'm curious to know how exactly it works. My T mentioned it's done in different ways, but that she thinks the "touch" version would be most helpful for me. Even just hearing that phrase made me want to cringe.

I'm okay with healthy non-sexual physical touch from friends/people I trust, but "touch" that's supposed to help me access my emotions sounds pretty terrifying.

 

[MyWillow]

That's because emotions are pretty terrifying lol But I keep trying to remind myself they can't actually kill you ;)

 

[shimmerz]

I wonder if anyone here has tried it? I'm curious to know how exactly it works.

I have. I am sorry, but I laughed at this posts title. I think pretty much all of us have a bit of an issue with trying to feel our bodies. Why? Because in order to survive we had to shut down feelings. Feeling my body is the end goal towards healing, as far as I am concerned.

One of my healers used an interesting words to replace the concept of feel. I used it a ton in SE. The word was 'different'. What feels 'different'. I seemed to get much farther ahead with that rather than the phrase 'what do you feel'. Not sure if that is helpful or not.

 

[BoN-bOn]

Yoga has helped me a LOT. There are still times that I struggle but I have learned to be much more mindful about feeling things. I go to a restorative yoga class also & sometimes that is really hard for me because it is all about relaxing which is not an easy thing for me to do. Sometimes I just can’t do it but I’ve learned to be a little more patient with myself too. I think it just takes practice & the more you do it, the easier it gets. Then you start realizing that you are more aware & present in your everyday life & you are able to recognize when you’re not.

 

[PDH]

Ive been doing SE & Hakomi, and have noticed some massive changes.
I've also had some pretty weird experiences, that have been quite challenging just to let go and allow myself to flow with them, but the end result of those experiences have been some pretty huge steps forward.

One example was becoming aware that when I visited a certain experience my right arm started shaking/twitching uncontrollably. As I sat with that rather than trying to stop it, the shaking/twitching increased and some pretty strong emotions/memories came up. Gradually it subsided, and even though it was an incredibly intense experience, afterwards I felt this unbelievable calm within my body.

Another time, I became aware of a certain posture I kept going to. When I exaggerated that a really strong memory came up. When my t asked what my body wanted to do, it was that I wanted to sit on the floor in front of her couch and be small. She sat on the floor with me and held me. I blurted out the words "I was all alone with him". She got up off the floor, said he is gone now, Im kicking him out, walked to the door, opened it and slammed it. As weird as it sounds, when I heard that door slam I instantly felt myself take this huge breath of relief. It was like what I needed to happen all those years ago was taking place.

Sorry if that all sounds like rambling/doesnt make any sense. Its been a rather long day :-/

 

[SinkorSwim]

I also do an off shoot of somatic experiencing therapy. It is called brain spotting. Basically I stare at a pointer and then let my thoughts roll. She often asks me what I am feeling in my body when I think of the negative thoughts. I will tell you it is not easy. There are really rough days but I feel I am getting way farther with brain spotting then I ever did with CBT. That is because I can talk about my trauma day in and day out but I don't actually connect with my emotions when I talk about my trauma. It will be rough it won't be easy but in order to start to heal we need to make ourselves feel a little bit uncomfortable for awhile so we can grow and not let our trauma take over anymore.

 

[Sandstone]

Yes, the detachment of brain from body feels completely normal to me. I always have unexplained bruises because I just don't notice what my body is doing.

I'm getting better, after lots of practice, at noticing body sensations in therapy, but I'm still poor at linking that into emotion. It all has to pass through logic, so when T asks about sensations I observe tension my throat, and think that must mean distress. I'd love to try Somatic Experiencing, so I'm quite envious of you.

I go to Tai Chi classes, and they help, because they are so focussed on feeling the whole body. Last week the tutor kept telling us to feel our feet in contact with the ground in order to be able to move our backs correctly. It is slowly making sense, although I still have times when I find connection with my body evokes instant panic.

 

[Ahhlia]

Hi
I know what you mean by the lack of mind and body connection. I use to be a writer and song writer but not since my traumas I become detached and I just lost the 'feeling'. Hard to get into the mind of characters when I can't get into my own personality and the feelings when I have trouble with my own. I also get anxiety when touched even during intimate moments with my b/f.

I started practicing TM (Transcendental Meditation) sometimes I have trouble reaching that magic state. My mind does not want to let go or apprehensive. I try to challenge my writing self at least once a year with the Novel in a Month Challenge in Nov. One has to write 5000 word novelette. I am trying to get my guitar practicing, though memory, coordination, and pain in my neck and shoulders does give me issues.

Heard of the Somatic Therapy. Curious how that has helped others. Tai Chi and Yoga sound good. I recently got a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel Puppy that will grow up to be my therapy dog (note to self: next time get older doggy.. puppies are lots of work but then they are so damn cute.) They do get you out of the house for walks and playing with them at home.

Peace

Ahlia

 

[Ana12]

I am sorry, but I laughed at this posts title. I think pretty much all of us have a bit of an issue with trying to feel our bodies.

@shimmerz - sorry hah, I can see how it sounds pretty absurd seeing now how many people can relate. I'm new to the site and new to talking about this with other people, so I honestly just didn't realize it was normal...

Thank you all for responding. It was helpful to read everyone's posts.