cptsd.musician
New Here
Hey!
I'm a musician (21) who unfortunately suffered from childhood neglect and emotional/physical abuse from a psychopath from a very young age. I'm in therapy to treat my CPTSD and I'm slowly recovering, but my triggers are any kind of human interaction (yup, it sucks), so I get hypervigilant as soon as I leave my house. Sometimes it's better and sometimes worse. Since I moved abroad 1,5 years ago, leaving family and friends, it's been so hard for me to establish new, deep relationships where I can be myself and feel good, because my PTSD keeps getting in my way.
From the outside my life probably looks great: I'm not bad looking, I have a band that's getting bigger with which I perform on stage (performing in front of a crowd is strangely enough not a trigger), I am very social and love to hang with people when I can control my PTSD. People say I appear very calm and self-secure. Becuase nobody knows what's going on inside of me, I feel so lonely and often misunderstood, and sometimes I'm afraid people think I'm "a player" or "selfish" when I date or have close friendships because the PTSD eventually gets too strong and I isolate myself, stop contacting someone that I like or someone that gets to close to me etc. I bury myself in work, school, and music, everything to escape the panic and anxiety.
Would just love to talk to someone out there who knows how f*cking hard this disorder and the recovery process is. I know I will heal eventually, but some cyber support along the way could help a lot in those darker moments.
All the best to you guys, keep fighting!
I'm a musician (21) who unfortunately suffered from childhood neglect and emotional/physical abuse from a psychopath from a very young age. I'm in therapy to treat my CPTSD and I'm slowly recovering, but my triggers are any kind of human interaction (yup, it sucks), so I get hypervigilant as soon as I leave my house. Sometimes it's better and sometimes worse. Since I moved abroad 1,5 years ago, leaving family and friends, it's been so hard for me to establish new, deep relationships where I can be myself and feel good, because my PTSD keeps getting in my way.
From the outside my life probably looks great: I'm not bad looking, I have a band that's getting bigger with which I perform on stage (performing in front of a crowd is strangely enough not a trigger), I am very social and love to hang with people when I can control my PTSD. People say I appear very calm and self-secure. Becuase nobody knows what's going on inside of me, I feel so lonely and often misunderstood, and sometimes I'm afraid people think I'm "a player" or "selfish" when I date or have close friendships because the PTSD eventually gets too strong and I isolate myself, stop contacting someone that I like or someone that gets to close to me etc. I bury myself in work, school, and music, everything to escape the panic and anxiety.
Would just love to talk to someone out there who knows how f*cking hard this disorder and the recovery process is. I know I will heal eventually, but some cyber support along the way could help a lot in those darker moments.
All the best to you guys, keep fighting!
