I think i‘ve terminated therapy

[Sandstone]

I'm worried it sounds a bit demanding, suggesting that they should discuss it with me face to face.

 

[Freida]

I think I'm saying that there are clashing expectations and multiple failures in communication , and that it seems impossible to resolve them. There are many s

I really like this part

It doesn't quite say what you want next. Are you asking for a meet with the powers that be to discuss why it's not working? and maybe a couple specific examples would help...of conversations you've and she have had and how it made you feel?

 

[scout86]

Asking to discuss things in person didn't seem at all unreasonable to me.

 

[barefoot]

I’m coming to this thread a bit late but still wanted to add that I’m sorry that things have not worked out with this T, @Sandstone. I know you fought so hard and for such a long time to get access to therapy/treatment and I had really hoped that this T would be a great fit and be able to really support you.

Re your draft email, I have some thoughts, which may or may not resonate so - as always -take or leave! My main thought is not to give them any kind of permission/opportunity/excuse to let you fall through the cracks and not offer you more support. So, my suggestions below are really just some tweaks which come from more of a place of you expecting them to do something now to help and you wanting to get clarity around what will happen next rather than giving them an easy exit from supporting you.

I'm unsure about what should happen next, and about what is permitted..

For me, this gives them an easy out in that they can just come back with “nothing further is permitted”. So I would probably just tweak it slightly to something like, “I’m unsure about how we move things forward from now in terms of what happens next to enable me to continue my treatment with a new therapist.” Of course, they can still easily come back to you to at something isn’t possible but I think you starting by expressing a clear expectation that you will be continuing with treatment and how will that now work (ie what are they going to do now to make that work?) is a strong starting point. It puts the onus on them to try to find a new solution rather than prompting them to come back with a problem.

Have you got any ideas about what you might like to happen next (even if you don’t know how or whether it is possible)?

I don't know if T was suggesting I actually have a personality disorder rather that PTSD, and if that's the case I don't know if therapy is the way ahead

Because it was such a long battle for you to get access to this therapy, I’d maybe be a little cautious about putting the possibility out there that therapy may not be useful/wanted/needed. Unless you actually don’t want more therapy, of course. Do you think you do?

I know she was not happy with the way I did therapy, but was not able to explain to me what should change.

Is there anything that you can point to as something she actually said, just to illustrate to them that there really is a mismatch between you both here and it’s not just your perception/projection that you think she is unhappy with you?

and that it seems impossible to resolve them.

I would probably make a tiny tweak here and say something like, “and I don’t feel that we can resolve them.” It’s a small thing and I may be being picky and pedantic - again, I just don’t want them to be in a position where they can put this on you. “It seems impossible” sounds less firm and certain to me than “I don’t feel/think we can now resolve this.”

I don’t think moving this conversation from email to in-person is demanding or unreasonable. If you do have a conversation with them, it might be worth you capturing it in writing and perhaps emailing it to them afterwards, so that you have some kind of paper trail for what has been said/offered/agreed etc.

Not sure whether my feedback will feel useful to you or not - I hope I haven’t made things sound more confusing or difficult! The suggestions are really all coming from a place of not wanting them to shaft you, either by totally withdrawing any therapeutic intervention and not having to bother to try to help you any more or by trying to make sticking with this current T your only option.

Really wishing you the best of luck with this. She doesn’t sound like a great fit for you and I hope they will come up with some possible options for moving forwards with your treatment.

 

[Justmehere]

@Sandstone - what I pick up on the most in your posts on this thread is how much you are doubting yourself and your thinking.

I once saw a therapist who was supposed to be so amazing with trauma. She was awful for me. She tried to talk me into being a multiple as well, refused stabilization, and generally left me in the dark and confused. She got dismissive when I resisted naming my feelings like “anger” as “Mary” and it was hard and confusing. She was so known for doing good for others and it just didn’t work for me, and that made me doubt myself.

In the end I ended up sharing what she said to another therapist who told me to run.

Your inistict that this isn’t working for you is important. Your request to meet with the supervsior is a wise request. Not demanding at all. Being frustrated with indirectness, lack of stabilization and teaching coping skills, and a lack of explaining her treatment process - all very reasonable frustrations.

I also wouldn’t worry about “going behind her back.” You’ve tried to talk this all through with her and it’s not really behind her back. You are not gossiping in some secret context. You are going to a supervsior who might be able to step in and talk to her and help find a solution and maybe a new therapist.

 

[Sandstone]

The supervisor once said in a interview
"when you are dealing with someone whose whole world had been turned upside down and where their reality is never clear, where someone abuses you and tells you they love you, when one moment they behave one way and the next moment, things are turned upside down. When your guts are telling you that something is wrong and you’re told that is not the case, you are just being difficult, everyone else is happy with things, that child eventually looses their ability to believe their own self. They have no grounds on which to test their own reality," and that is what I feel has been lacking. This T hasn't been reflecting back to me reality, and has pushed me towards unreality.

I wanted someone who could "label as symptoms the patient's self-loathing, self-destructive impulses, anxiety, hypervigilance, and difficulties with self-regulation" but instead , she "fostered the impression that those symptoms are characteristics of the patient rather than features of a trauma-related disorder."

I'm having to use other peoples words, because I can't scrape together coherence. In the course of the last few months I've been convinced that she was saying that there was actually nothing wrong with me, then that the problem was narcissism, then that it was borderline. I know she was certain I had to be multiple, but maybe having been convinced that I'm not she then switched to believing I was bad?

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Well said @Sandstone I think you're dead on! You are dealing with Trauma that was inflicted upon you. All of this is only adding to the self-doubt and anxiety...just to name a couple.

@barefoot has a lot of good points. Being assertive and expecting respect does not come easily. Being intimidated is much more the style. Easy for them to do. It sounds like your therapist has done a good job with that.

Don't be discouraged. You're taking your time, brainstorming with others and listening to the feedback. That takes a lot of courage and stamina. You aren't rolling over and just accepting whatever they say.

I think this is awesome. This thread has really helped me in rethinking a lot of my own responses to things.

Keep on keeping on.

 

[scout86]

If the supervisor said that, they totally should get where you're coming from. I'm impressed with your perseverance.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

This T hasn't been reflecting back to me reality, and has pushed me towards unreality.

I once had a T like this. I stayed with her for over two years trying to figure out where I would go next. She labeled me as being basically nuts and tried many ways to institutionalize me. Her premise was that all the things I told her happened to me couldn't possibly happen to anyone. So I must be nuts. When I saw her I had only scratched the tip off the iceberg of crap in my life. Later she tried to label my abuse erroneously after she attended some seminar.

It took me four years to get over her bad therapy enough so that I could work on my childhood issues. The T who helped me heal said that one has to work through the abuse by a T before they can work on their own issues which originally brought them to therapy. He also said the abuse by a T can be worse than the original abuse.

Twenty-five years later and I'm still dealing with the after effects of that bad T.