Opinions re taking a valium before a therapy session, please

[barefoot]

There are some things I want to talk about in therapy, which are difficult things.

I have a tendency to get flooded very quickly and to dissociate in sessions (though dissociation has improved a lot in the past year). Even if I don’t dissociate, my voice can get hijacked and it just becomes impossible to speak.

I want to share this content next session and I am hoping that I might be able to write some of it down instead of speaking it aloud as that will be less intense and more manageable.

I am considering taking a Valium before the session and am wondering whether anyone has any thoughts on this.

Valium doesn’t knock me out or make me feel really woozy or disconnected - it just make me feel calmer. It’s not that I want to take one and then totally shut down/numb out/not feel fully present/not feel anything in the session. I would just like to take the edge off so that I don’t get super anxious and flooded and completely overwhelmed, so that I can properly talk about what I want to talk about.

Part of me thinks this could be a potential good solution - not as a regular thing! - if it helps me to manage myself, focus and not get really dysregulated. And part of me feels reticent to use a drug to force myself into a different state and perhaps I should just let the natural response happen even though it is incredibly frustrating for me to really want to share stuff and then not be able to because I have got overwhelmed/dissociated/got hijacked.

Any thoughts? Good idea? Bad idea?? Worth a try to see how it goes???

 

[PeppermintTea]

I’m really curious too if other people have done this!

I’ve thought about drinking a glass of wine in the parking lot before going in to help calm my nerves. I mentioned it to a friend who is a T and she said ethically they’re not supposed to treat clients when they’re impaired. I’m not sure if this is across the board or just her organization. I’m also not sure I’d call Valium (or a little wine) “impaired”.

Might be a good question to ask your T. For the scary stuff, I sometimes end up writing it out and just handing it to him to read. That way I get it out and then he can facilitate the conversation.

 

[UnicornSightings]

For my very first t I drank tons of kava tea to calm down. It really helped and she didn’t mind. My current one told me “buzzed therapy” wasn’t yet an acceptable practice when I jokingly suggested it. But if you have a prescription for it, why not? Geez, this stuff is hard, why not make it a tiny bit easier. And you’re the best judge on how something affects you. Do you think you’d feel guilty after?

 

[barefoot]

@PeppermintTea - I have been to the pub on several occasions pre-therapy. Either for a glass of wine or a vodka. I don’t even know why really as one drink doesn’t have any effect on me. I think I thought it was for dutch courage/steadying my anxiety etc but I don’t think it actually made any real difference.

And, yeah, I totally get your T friend’s ethical point - and, like you, I’m not sure I would consider myself “impaired” after one Valium or one alcoholic drink! Really do understand her reticence with that though.

I did tell my T a couple of times that I’d been to the pub and she looked more concerned than I expected her to! She didn’t “tell me off” and she said that it isn’t her place to tell me what to do...but she did then ask me not to do that! For two reasons, I think...partly because she didn’t want me to feel that I have to have a drink in order to deal with therapy...secondly because she didn’t want me to blurt something I wasn’t ready to blurt because the booze had made me loose lipped! Both valid concerns, I think...but, again, it’s really not going to impact me having one glass of wine to the point where she needs to be in any way concerned.

@UnicornSightings - I’m jealous - we don’t have kava here!
That’s kind of what I’m thinking...I have a prescription for Valium, I don’t take it very often. It’s really just for if I get badly triggered/have a huge anxiety attack, which I am having difficulty getting hold of. I don’t take it just for normal anxiety - I’d be taking it every day! T is supportive of me taking it as I do to help with unusually high anxiety and she trusts that I am not using it too much/in an unhealthy way. And particularly challenging therapy sessions are just examples of unusually high anxiety situations, right?! :)

I wouldn’t feel guilty if I took it, I don’t think. Though perhaps I would feel a bit sheepish if I took one as I suspect my T would not recommend it if I asked her. I think it’s more that I’m a bit worried that, if I take it, am I creating an unhealthy coping mechanism for therapy. Or something?!

 

[digger]

I have a prescription for Valium, I don’t take it very often. It’s really just for if I get badly triggered/have a huge anxiety attack, which I am having difficulty getting hold of. I don’t take it just for normal anxiety - I’d be taking it every day!

I am prescribed diazepam in the same way. It sounds like from what you describe that it effects me in a similar way. However, I did on one occasion take it pre-therapy (for similar reasons that you are considering it) but I didn't find it helped the way I hoped. I did actually end up feeling too detached from the thing I was trying to tackle - not in a beneficial way - I felt it prevented me from engaging well enough with T and with my feelings for it to be beneficial.

I personally wouldn't bother again I don't think, unless perhaps my anxiety was at a level that it is was preventing me actually getting to session at all.

I don't think there's any harm in trying, but I too would be wary of this...

think it’s more that I’m a bit worried that, if I take it, am I creating an unhealthy coping mechanism for therapy. Or something?!

I'm kind of glad it didn't help in a way for me because of this.

I think if you did find it helpful and wanted to try using it more regularly for these types of situations, then would be the time to be upfront with your T about that. The first time, to see how it goes, I think is your call - after that you then have your experience to base your reasoning on.

 

[barefoot]

Thanks for sharing @digger

I did actually end up feeling too detached from the thing I was trying to tackle

This is a concern of mine too but I didn’t write that in my previous post, for some reason! Yes...I don’t want to swing too far the other way and end up shut down, detached and not very present/engaged. That will be just as frustrating as getting overwhelmed and checking out. Maybe worse because I’ll know I chose to do it.

The thing I want to talk about is important and I want to be able to do it and not mess it up. I don’t want to come home feeling disappointed and frustrated because I wasn’t able to express it.

I’m sure, if I asked her, my T would advise me not to take it - largely, I suspect, because she wants me to stay present and engaged and connected to my feelings. Emotionally, in therapy, I tend to either get flooded/overwhelmed/really dysregulated or I am disconnected and shut down. Somewhere in the middle would be nice! I guess I was thinking/hoping that taking a diazepam would help me find my “something in the middle.” But I’m not sure...

 

[digger]

Emotionally, in therapy, I tend to either get flooded/overwhelmed/really dysregulated or I am disconnected and shut down. Somewhere in the middle would be nice!

Yup :rolleyes:

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Very interesting topic. I'm really sensitive to meds + a walking pharmacy already. I don't let myself take anything before t just in case it slows my reflexes while driving.

I do the writing and hand over the journal for him to read, then let him lead the session. Sometimes I email an entry ahead of time. I just text to let him know I'm sending the email. (he can end up buried in emails and 1 particular one doesn't get read until I'm there.)

I usually just state that anxiety is making me nauseous. - I think it's self evident.

I think it's better to work through your anxiety with your therapist than mask it before coming in.

 

[barefoot]

I think it's better to work through your anxiety with your therapist than mask it before coming in.

Hmm...yeah...

I did actually email her yesterday with a brief heads up in order to try to make myself accountable. So, I won’t be having to try to bring it up out of nowhere, which would make it even more challenging and anxiety-making. And, if I still don’t bring it up, hopefully she will give me a nudge.

Maybe I shouldn’t take one next session. Maybe I should try to see if emailing her in advance and taking some paper to write some stuff down if I go mute there helps. Maybe that should be my next step before taking something.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

In my opinion, yes. Anxiety is horrible. Very overwhelming.

I'm in a bad situation right now. Anxiety has been at such high levels that my mind seems to have shut down. Feeling no emotion and connected to nothing. Not the first time. It doesn't last and when I thaw out - well it's not pretty.

My T doesn't like it when that happens. He much prefers that I come with my mess and we work it out together. It helps to remind me of some of the relaxation techniques I've learned, breathing... encourages me to know that I can do this myself at home and that it does work.

 

[FauxLiz]

When I first started with my t his office was in a downtown setting on an upper floor. For the first 6 months I would arrive 30-45 min early and have a beer before I went to my session. Once I became comfortable I stopped doing that. I never told my t so I doubt he knew but there have been times when very anxious about a session I have taken a xanex to make sure I don't waste a session in panic attack. Like others I don't consider it to be buzzed just using another tool I have in my bag.

 

[Sandstone]

If your aim is to talk about something specific without it overwhelming you, could you write it down in advance to convey the bare facts? Then you could start talking without having used up so much of yourself just specifying it. If you haven't used up your capacity on that, you may be better able to do the emotional side in session?