General What now?

[Tlzpm]

Wanted to run a few things by you all, if that's ok. I'm trying to figure out how to best advocate for my husband. He finally got to meet with the psychiatrist yesterday. It was kind of awful. Apparently she told him things will never get better because his brain is damaged by trauma. (I've read that childhood trauma can act like a TBI, but this seems unnecessarily pessimistic.) She wants him to up his dose of the med that is making him have constant suicidal thoughts and prescribed another med that can increase suicidality. She also interrogated him at length about whether he has ever or would ever hurt the kids (which as a survivor of abuse just shattered him and made him feel so humiliated). He has a therapy appt on 4/4 with a psychologist. I can't get it moved up and when I try to impress upon them the situation, they suggest I take him to the hospital which he really doesn't want to do because being separated from family is a pretty big trigger (I had to go to PA for a few days in Jan to see my mom who was quite ill and the results were awful). He knows I will take him if I feel like there are no other options and that I will not hesitate to call 911 if I fear he is going to harm himself. Right now he is lying on the floor of our study alternating between sleeping and just staring off into space. It's spring break, but he was supposed to go into work to get things done/meetings this week but he hasn't been able to go in. I'm wondering what to do if Monday comes and he can't go in. I'm guessing I can contact the chair and inform her that he is ill and his classes should be cancelled for the week. Trying to figure out what the options are for a medical leave of absence. Trying to keep everything normal and on schedule for the kids. Yesterday was such a big blow. He felt unheard, disrespected, and hopeless. It's hard being away from family and friends in the midst of this. His dad is here, but cultural differences make it really difficult to share this with him. Thanks for listening. I can't begin to tell you how much it means to get a little of this off my chest. God bless you!!❤

 

[Mytime]

Hi, sorry your both having a hard time.
I know how scary this can be for you
and frustrating. Sometimes upping doses or adding other meds can help but it’s all trial and error. What may work for one, may not work for another. This may be a dumb question, did you ask to be on a cancellation list with the therapist?
I know this is hard and you are doing a great job trying to keep him safe. Please take some time for you to just breath. Sending support and hugs if you expect.

 

[Tlzpm]

Thanks, Mytime! I appreciate it! We are on the cancellation list. I see what you're saying with the meds. It seems like we've been trying different meds for years now. Hopefully we'll find one that works and he can come to a peace that taking them is part of living his best life.

 

[Snowflakes]

I see what you're saying with the meds. It seems like we've been trying different meds for years now. Hopefully we'll find one that works and he can come to a peace that taking them is part of living his best life.

As @Mytime wrote, it can take a long time to find the right meds, the right combination, and the right dosage. It is trial and error over time. I will tell you that a good and tenacious psychiatrist will find it. In my sufferers case, it took almost 2 years with her present psych doctor. He is still tweaking the dosage but he found the right combination. Her psychiatrist also ran a GeneSight test which helped him find the right combination. Once he got a handle on it, the changes were actually pretty dramatic. The point of my story is that it does take time but meds, along with therapy, will help your husband to manage.

Take care and I wish you and your husband well.

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes, I agree that the gene testing is pretty awesome. It helped me get on the right meds very quickly.

I’m really concerned about this psychiatrist. It’s their job to help people heal, not tell them there’s no hope! For Pete’s sake......this is the LAST thing you ever tell someone who is suicidal. No, scratch that, you never ever tell someone who is suicidal that there is no hope! I know I’m only one out of many, but I’m here to tell you that things CAN get better for those of us with childhood trauma. (I’m a CSA survivor myself.) I’ve been in treatment for 9 years now, and while things are still a bit rough, I have made great strides in healing. I’m going through a bad symptom flare right now....so yes things can and will be up and down, but the overall trajectory is UP! Don’t lose hope, and don’t stop fighting to get him quality help!

 

[Tlzpm]

I had never heard of GeneSight. I will be sure to look into this! I'm really relieved and thankful that he's open to both meds and therapy now. He's come so far in the last few months in this regard. Thanks and all the best to you, Snowflakes!

 

[Freida]

. Apparently she told him things will never get better because his brain is damaged by trauma. (I've read that childhood trauma can act like a TBI, but this seems unnecessarily pessimistic.)

WTH??? Ok - first question. Is this what she said --- Or is this what he heard? Sometimes there can be a huge disconnect in those first few meetings. If that's what she actually told him I'm thinking he needs a different doctor. And I agree about getting him on the cancellation list - because no matter how that info got into his head he's going to need some help making sense of the idea of never getting better

 

[Tlzpm]

@Freida This is an excellent question. I really wish he'd let me come with him to take notes and ask questions, but I respect 100% that he doesn't want this. Like you said, this is, at the very least, what he heard and that's enough to be worrisome. He also mentioned that she had him recount traumatic events in detail one of which is the murder of his mother. She then proceeded to ask him if his mother lives near us. So he had to explain AGAIN this awful trauma. She told him that he needs to go for a walk and meditate. Ok, I get that these things can be part of healing, but he was telling her that he has nearly constant suicidal thoughts and that he is truly scared. It just seems callous to me.

If Monday comes and things haven't changed I'll try to encourage him to let me take him to be evaluated for in-patient care. It seems important to get his meds right before he starts therapy.

@EveHarrington your words mean so much to me. Thank you for sharing that encouragement with me... especially in the midst of a flare. I'll keep fighting!!