I'm sorry, this wasn't the support you were hoping for and could have used now.
..."I don't trust myself not to be manipulated at this point" says a lot. I felt something very similar in the past. And yes, we shouldn't force names on each and everything, but as telepathy doesn't always work we need to use words and symbols. I haven't read Lundy Bancroft's book, but many others, including Psychopathfree from Jackson McKenzie and one from Shahida Arabi which includes collected advice from a huge network of 'targest' on how to leave. Everything you wrote fits the profile of a narcissist and/or psycho-/sociopath. As you probably know, these are individuals without much if any empathy and concern for you. He quite likely is someone who'd picked you, exactly because he knew you'd brake your head about paying the bills and taking care of his 'bad' situation. Someone who does not feel (apart from rage and frustration). And THIS is what has helped me: To hammer that fact into my head and feel it deep in my very soul - that he is not (and never was in the first place) what I think he was. To realize that almost each single word has been a lie, a means to manipulate and brainwash me further. To exploit traits like responsibility and honesty (something he has absolutely no respect for, nor will ever honestly thank you for). That he feels: nothing. Another import thing was the information on the physical process, that takes place within the process emotional and psycholigical abuse.
Based on the fact that trauma is also stored in our cells (our mind and brain process their experiences in many complex ways, among them by secreting hormones, which influence our cells), our subconscious actions and reactions (like feeling that pull to go back) are appearing in a new light, too.
I have been lucky in many ways, as fate or whatever has made it easier to leave many miles between me and him. The recovering process afterwards took all the self love, I was able to muster and which I formerly have withheld from me (one of the reasons we get 'chosen' ;-)). It might sound very strange, but I'm happy looking back now. And you sound very much like you could be soon, too.
Everything, my whole perception, has changed since I know that these people are everywhere and that we need to learn as much as possible about them, but foremost about ourselves and our vulnerabilities to being able to protect ourselves and start taking responsibility for our own luck and happiness.
I want to share something I heard recently in a video with Christine Northrup. She used the analogy of a slot-machine: "The more money (energy, whatever) you've inserted, the harder it is to quit from the game. You've invested so much and want something back. But the house always wins."
Sending love
