Unrealistic advice?

[FauxLiz]

Do you ever feel as though you T gives you advice or makes suggestions that they would never in a million years take themselves? My T knows I am struggling financially may lose my job if I don't return or if I fail the the fit for duty exam by the end of the month. His suggestion was to take a lower paying job and find a way to cut expenses. What I wanted to say was - well if I lose my job that will be easy I can cut rent, phone, internet, gas and electricity because I will be living in my car. I may even be able to eliminate food and toiletries if I don't shower, wash my clothes and eat out of dumpsters and garbage cans. Oh and I could eliminate therapy costs cause I wouldn't have insurance or the money to private pay but hey he can just consider my billable hours as his taking a lesser paying job. Screw you!

 

[Friday]

I think unrealistic advice would be to suggest that if you lose your job you should live in your car, refuse to bathe, and start eating out of dumpsters. :O_o:

Speaking as someone who has spent years homeless, and who never lived like that, you’ve got some major catastrophizing going on.

Taking an interim job during a crisis, or whilst in transition, is actually a pretty normal thing to do / that’s advice most people have needed to follow at least a time or three in their own lives... rather than advice they’d never in a million years use themselves.

 

[Suzetig]

You sound really pissed off with him but actually that’s really useful advice, particularly if you’re feeling under pressure to pass the medical or the job has been the source of, or is triggering your trauma.

Sometimes we need to rage a step back and focus on our healing. Sometimes that means not working at all, sometimes it means restricted duties and sometimes it means a change to a less demanding job. He won’t necessarily know whether you’re job just covers your costs or whether there’s some slack in there that you could tighten up to give you some breathing space, or whether any reduction in income would see you on the streets. I guess his thinking is better to be in some kind of work than to either loose your job or burn out.

I’m in the midst of having taken a massive step back in my career - I literally couldn’t function in my old job so took a 20% pay cut. I’m now in a position to look for something a bit more challenging again but I really, really needed to step back.

 

[Mee]

My husband has no mental or emotional difficulties. But his field is demanding. Sometime ago he decided burnout was not worth it and chose to cut salary by half to work in a better balanced job in the same career. It’s been an adjustment certainly.

It's worth it.

 

[user27357]

I'm with the op here. I get paid because it is by definition, work. Just getting through some days is hard enough without the temptation of finding another job that eases the load but doesn't feed the bulldog.There may be a time when I would have to take a different job to get by or through a hard patch, but it would be a tough thing to do and I would resist it to the last. Doesn't sound like Op is at that point yet. sounds more like they seek advice on how to cope with getting the work done by a deadline.
Sorry, no help here, we all have our own row to hoe. Some are easy and some are way tough, yours sounds tough, hoping you can pass the exam.

 

[Gs172003]

Isn't PTSD covered by the ADA and provisions have to be made to help you out as long as you can still do your job?

 

[Justmehere]

Do you ever feel as though you T gives you advice or makes suggestions that they would never in a million years take themselves?

Yes. 8 times out of 10, it’s decent advice but I don’t want to accept that things are at a point that it is worth considering. The other times? The therapist means well but doesn’t understand the barriers to doing what they suggest.

You describe the choices it as living out of your car vs keeping this job now.

Your therapist is trying to come up with less all or nothing alternatives. Do you have to take his advice? No. But the approach of looking for other alternative solutions that are less black and white is a reasonable one.

The part about a pay cut when struggling to pay for him is ironic, and had to be painful to hear. But you have been looking into seeing if they would buy you out of your contract and getting a new job anyhow. His suggestions are in line with what you were considering a few days ago. Your therapist may recognize what I think you might as well: staying in this job long term with symptoms this high isn’t feasible.

And you have a right to be angry about the situation. It isn’t fair. It sucks to be going through this and that your work place is toxic and sh*tty. But your therapist isn’t the enemy.

I hope you talk to the therapist about your concerns regarding what a pay cut would mean in being able to afford therapy (and etc) and what your other concerns are about his advice.

 

[FauxLiz]

Thank you everyone for your input and advice. Yes I have been considering a buyout and seeking another job. The key is getting them to agree to the buy out.

Yes PTSD is an ADA disability but that doesn't mean that can't terminate me if they determine I can't do the job, ADA only means that the employer has to make accommodations within certain parameters to make the job easier. That doesn't mean if the accommodations are not deemed "reasonable".

I am most likely catastrophizing and yes it was an awkward discussion with T and will most likely continue at our next session. I am angry with him right now I am just struggling with how to explain to him the issue. Prior to November of last year when the decision was made to seriously consider inpatient and it took years to reach the level of trust that had developed. Then while I was inpatient the T I had and I seemed to connect quickly. I don't know if it was because I felt the safest I had in a long time but when I was discharged I felt like the therapeutic relationship with my outpatient T has changed. I continue to struggle with this and I don't know how to get back to where we were in terms of my ability to trust him. Since I was discharged I feel as though he is not as available, is less empathetic and everything feels different. Maybe because I feel like I betrayed him by opening up quicker while inpatient with that T, maybe because I know if I change jobs it most likely will mean relocating so I am putting walls back up again, maybe it is just because it feels like life has been nothing but sh*t for the last lifetime and I don't see it getting any better in the future.

 

[ButterflyBean]

Therapists are not supposed to, and should not, give advice. If the OP’s is, that’s a big red flag! There is a big difference between giving advice and say, helping/guiding the client in conducting a cost-benefit analysis. Once completed, the therapist should be asking something along the lines of “given the options we’ve come up with together, what do you think is best considering the current situation?” Ongoing dialogue about conclusions/specific choices can and should follow. Just my two cents...

 

[littleoc]

Therapists are not supposed to, and should not, give advice. If the OP’s is, that’s a big red...

Really? :O_o:

 

[FauxLiz]

Really?

What are you questioning?

 

[EveHarrington]

I think I do something similar.....

Get feedback from T.

Whaaaaa?!?

That’s not what I wanted to hear!

(Freak out)

(Calm down)

Hmmm.

I guess her feedback wasn’t all that bad...