General Is my partner abusive?am i crazy am i selfish?

[Marinna]

PTSD?! Poor him (not). What do you think he is putting you and your daughter at risk of? Yup. You guessed it. PTSD. My heart breaks for you, but you can't rescue him. You can rescue your children. Focus on that.

 

[Ronin]

she's his daughter nothing will keep him from

He is already keeping himself from her. By how he treats you.

hes threatened to hurt himself

Oh. He can go right ahead. Not while you are there. Not while your kid is.

You have absolutely no blame for that, and no need to watch his mess. That is HIS mess.

who is going to want you or want a 30 something woman with 3 kids.

A world of non abusive men, a world of men that YOU will want in your life and that of your children.

like I'm really ungratefull.

A man like him does not deserve gratitude.

if I leave he will be nothing nobody

He already is a nobody, by his choices. :) Not like he needs an assistance.

I dont have good credit

You can work that out, and hire help, and find if there is not any pro bono help or discount rates, when you are back to wondering about your life, out of HIS reach.

I feel stuck and confused and lonely.

Stuck, you are not, you can get out and manage. You will, you will do fine.

No wonder you are confused and lonely with such a jerk.
It wont go away for a good long while, but there will be more things than the confusion and loneliness.

You are okay, you are not broken, and you do not need him.

 

[Justmehere]

He’s full of sh*t and he’s emotionally blackmailing you. Abusers will say anything they can to get their victims to stay.

Next time he threatens harm to self or others, take him at his word and call a crisis hotline and/or 911 and let them handle getting him to the professional help that he needs.

I strongly suggest contacting your local domestic violence shelter or advocacy organization and begin figuring out options to get you and your children to safety.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I raised my kids alone as a broke single mom... it was a lot easier than I imagine getting choked, slapped, and psychologically abused daily would be.

Get mad girl. He is not a poor baby.

 

[Marinna]

Also if you decide to leave him (only realistic option). He may try and persuade you to stay while he gets therapy. Another manipulation tactic. DO NOT fall for this one.

He does not need to be in a relationship to get 'help'. He doesn't need help. He needs a personality transplant and a therapist who can handle sadistic bullies.

Just warning you. Xxx

 

[jmad]

Stop. Blaming. The. PTSD.

This is not because he has PTSD. My partner has severe PTSD. He's even s...

Though I agree with many on here that the OP should leave her partner, and I agree that it is not her responsibility to "rescue" him - that is the job of mental health professionals, if he should desire to seek their help.

I find the quoted post to be very irresponsible. People manifest PTSD symptoms - which include rage as possible outcome of emotional dysregulation - and one cannot compare one case with another.

 

[Marinna]

Though I agree with many on here that the OP should leave her partner, and I agree that it is not her resp...

Anger is the sympton. Raging is the choice surely? How is it irresponsible? This creature is blaming his PTSD for his abuse! Surely it is more irresponsible to propogate this crap?

 

[jmad]

I said it was irresponsible to compare two cases of PTSD. And no, both anger and raging (product of hyperarousal) are symptoms - this doesn't make it right, or ok, or forgivable. It doesn't mean that the OP should stay with this man.

 

[Ronin]

Ditto.

There is rage, and there is rage Just at that abused partner and kids.
One is not like the other.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I find the quoted post to be very irresponsible. People manifest PTSD symptoms - which include rage as possible outcome of emotional dysregulation - and one cannot compare one case with another.

Feeling rage is a PTSD symptom. Choking your partner is not. f*ck that noise.

 

[Marinna]

Was never asked about rage in my diagnostic assesment, but ok ,sure, I can imagine it is a product of hyperarousal.
Still not relevant to this thread. This guy is overtly abusive and manipulative.

 

[Justmehere]

Anger is an emotion. Rage is a behavior. But it really does not matter if it’s PTSD related behavior or symptoms or whatever.

Abuse is abuse. It is not solved by facing zero consequences for the abuse, whatever the cause.

When I was diagnosed with PTSD, that did not give me a free pass to choke and harm others. It did not suddenly make it ok to expose children to trauma and violence.

The abuse and violence I suffered did not suddenly became ok when my own abuser was diagnosed with PTSD. The lasting trauma on me didn’t disappear because of any diagnosis he had.

Whatever is going on with him, that’s for him to figure out and solve. Not his partner and not his children.

Safety comes first.